Page 2 | Need to vent

SleepyHedgehog · 28/11/2023 19:25

I would love to have the balls to respond to that with: 'So do you have any? 2? Oh no, poor you. I completely understand, my sister got accidentally pregnant twice. Had you considered abortion?'

Redglitter · 28/11/2023 19:28

Of course I couldn't say any of this, because I didn't want to make her feel awkward

You're a better person than me. I'd have told her exactly why & hoped like hell it made her feel VERY awkward so she'd maybe think twice about being such an arse in future

TurquoiseHexagonSun · 28/11/2023 19:30

OMG I know. As well as the encouraging little looks accompanied by 'There's still time!' which I swear was trotted out to me till I was practically 50 regardless that I've always been honest about not wanting children. One of the very few benefits of menopause is that that stops. (Mind you, the same people have probably concluded I was unable and are now quietly pitying me. Grr.)

EmmaEmerald · 28/11/2023 19:36

TurquoiseHexagonSun · 28/11/2023 19:30

OMG I know. As well as the encouraging little looks accompanied by 'There's still time!' which I swear was trotted out to me till I was practically 50 regardless that I've always been honest about not wanting children. One of the very few benefits of menopause is that that stops. (Mind you, the same people have probably concluded I was unable and are now quietly pitying me. Grr.)

Oh don't get me started...Victoria Coren and Tania Ramsay have now made that problem worse!

I dated a man half my age this summer so out of curiosity, had tests to see if I was anywhere near peri. Nope. Riddled with fertility. If I'd stayed with him, I'd ask him to get the snip!

as it was, we had to do belt and braces - he's probably super fertile at 23! Gah.

LeaderBee · 28/11/2023 20:42

Itslikely · 28/11/2023 18:00

I think it is male privilege because my husband never gets any negativity, it's either a neutral response, or more often, a positive response. I get lots of negative responses from being told my husband will probably leave me accompanied by a sympathetic heartily all the way through to being told 'you might as well just kill yourself'.

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Im sorry you have to experience that; There is more to being a successful woman, no, a successful human being than just being able to say you procreated.

I am all for supporting peoples choice not to have children xxx

FarEast · 28/11/2023 21:23

Your colleague sounds particularly vapid (or just plain stupid). The "just adopt" line is offensive in so many ways.

SoRainbowRhythms · 29/11/2023 06:20

Itslikely · 28/11/2023 18:00

I think it is male privilege because my husband never gets any negativity, it's either a neutral response, or more often, a positive response. I get lots of negative responses from being told my husband will probably leave me accompanied by a sympathetic heartily all the way through to being told 'you might as well just kill yourself'.

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My husband has had worse comments than me sometimes. "Are you a jaffa or something?" being up there with the worst.

People just hate us!

EmpressaurusOfCats · 29/11/2023 06:36

I had to Google jaffa. Some of these comments are horrendous.

I smile and say ‘No, I prefer cats.’ Which I do. Although if I thought the person deserved it I’d be happy to make them uncomfortable.

RampantIvy · 29/11/2023 07:07

I hate the assumption that all women want children, and I say that as someone who, after years of infertility, did manage to become a parent. (I hope you don't mind me posting on here BTW).

I have never felt broody and don't understand women who do. I always wonder what is missing in their lives that only having children can fulfill.

When people used to tell me I could adopt I 'm afraid that I was very blunt and used to say "I don't want anyone else's brats"

Itslikely · 29/11/2023 09:27

RampantIvy · 29/11/2023 07:07

I hate the assumption that all women want children, and I say that as someone who, after years of infertility, did manage to become a parent. (I hope you don't mind me posting on here BTW).

I have never felt broody and don't understand women who do. I always wonder what is missing in their lives that only having children can fulfill.

When people used to tell me I could adopt I 'm afraid that I was very blunt and used to say "I don't want anyone else's brats"

My friend and her husband are both infertile and often get told to 'just adopt' like it's so easy, you just go online and select a cute little baby and it gets delivered to your door and you live happily ever after.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 29/11/2023 13:15

My friend and her husband are both infertile and often get told to 'just adopt' like it's so easy, you just go online and select a cute little baby and it gets delivered to your door and you live happily ever after

I have to be honest here and say that I think people just say the first thing that comes into their head without actually examining if it's relevant or helpful. There was a thread elsewhere on the board where a poster is deep in debt and has no pension and a couple of hundred pounds a month to live on and is trying to dig herself out of a very deep hole. She got the usual 'can't you downsize and move?' a process costing a lot of money that the OP has already said she simply doesn't have; but genuinely offered as a 'solution.' How TF is that in any way shape or form helpful? same with the 'just adopt' comments.

Still, marginally better than 'get a dog,' I 'spose.

EmpressaurusOfCats · 29/11/2023 13:19

I have a friend who’s adopted two girls. The process sounded like a long, hard nightmare.

KimberleyClark · 29/11/2023 16:42

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 29/11/2023 13:15

My friend and her husband are both infertile and often get told to 'just adopt' like it's so easy, you just go online and select a cute little baby and it gets delivered to your door and you live happily ever after

I have to be honest here and say that I think people just say the first thing that comes into their head without actually examining if it's relevant or helpful. There was a thread elsewhere on the board where a poster is deep in debt and has no pension and a couple of hundred pounds a month to live on and is trying to dig herself out of a very deep hole. She got the usual 'can't you downsize and move?' a process costing a lot of money that the OP has already said she simply doesn't have; but genuinely offered as a 'solution.' How TF is that in any way shape or form helpful? same with the 'just adopt' comments.

Still, marginally better than 'get a dog,' I 'spose.

Yes it’s the same as “retrain” “get a better job”.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 29/11/2023 17:54

'Can't you take in people's ironing to earn a bit?' is my favourite.

earthfindwire · 30/11/2023 11:57

I recently read a piece about adoptive parents and they get very little to no support for their adopted children who often have complex needs. Some have had to put their children back into the system in order for the child to get support. So it’s not necessarily a happy ending even once you get there.

Back to the OP I can’t believe someone is going round casually talking about their sister’s miscarriages to a colleague. Of course they should be talked about but I can’t help feel I’d be hurt if something so painful was just used as a throwaway line to someone.