Anyone here who is learning or has learned how to be single? Can you give some advice, please.

[IGetUpAndIGoOn]

Most of the time I am fine.
But I’d be lying if I said I don’t ever get lonely.
Yes, I also know that not all relationships and marriages are full time happiness and there are awful relationships too, and it better to be single than in one of those.

That been said, I do sometimes feel weird, I feel little envy sometimes of couples because they don’t have to deal with life alone, they have company, more money, social gatherings can be weird when I’m the only single or the only one who’s been single for so long.
And sometimes I just can’t listen to people complain about small stupid stuff about their relationships - I do my best but it feels like I’m the wrong person to complain to.
And this year I have had two massive panic attacks for just feeling lonely.
I made it through - but it’s not like I can tell anyone about them, so I keep it to myself.

Anyone else who had to learn to be alone/single?
What did you do?

How old are you?

I've been single most of my life, with just a few very short relationships. I'm 54 now. I've lived alone since I was 30, before that I flat shared.

I found it harder being alone when I was younger - as you say the social events etc. I'm out of the age now of friends getting married so thankfully not much of that to navigate any more.

I'm introverted, which I guess makes things easier, though I do occasionally get lonely.

I've tried to make a positive out of being single and childfree - going to exciting places (on group holidays), doting on my pet, indulging my hobbies. I have other childfree friends, and some single friends, not anyone else who is both though.

Not sure I've answered your question! I guess I've adapted over the years. It got easier after menopause, which I had early, as then I felt I could give up on looking for a relationship to have children. It took the urgency out of everything and I could just concentrate on what I wanted, and how I wanted to live.

Bumping for the Friday single without children crowd.

I don't know, it just happened! The pandemic helped a lot. Because I had to be on my own such a lot I got used to it and realised I liked it and felt more resilient because of it.

Having said that I was married for nearly 25 years and I've seen both sides of the relationship coin. I really liked being married - it wasn't my choice to end the marriage - but now I really like being single.

I do have quite significant health problems, long-term, and that also prevents me from seeking somebody as I feel it's a lot for somebody else to put up with and could be draining for me. But, at the moment, I do feel happy as a single person.

I value my friends a lot and I take a lot of time to keep in touch with them in various ways.

The secret is having lots of friends, including single friends. Many single women are great at making friends - because it's so important to us. How are you fixed on the friends front? It's worth absolutely prioritising this, and hobbies.

I got divorced nearly 10 years ago & being single again made me feel as if I could breathe. The mere idea of living with anyone now (except cats) feels suffocating.

I might feel differently if I’d never been in a serious relationship but as it is, the FOMO is long gone.

Beingfriends with single women is hard, because their lives revolves around being single/finding a man.
Most topics are about how to find one, hook-up’s and sharing the details I didn’t ask, whenever we’re out looking for attention/men, crying and more crying…

Seems my only purpose is to be a listening ear / company for the first minute before they make eyes with a man.

I find coupled up women much more relax, granted, we don’t really undertsand each other and they are busy with their partners, but it’s not THAT centered around men.

"Beingfriends with single women is hard, because their lives revolves around being single/finding a man.
Most topics are about how to find one, hook-up’s and sharing the details I didn’t ask, whenever we’re out looking for attention/men, crying and more crying…"

Gosh this is not my experience at all! When I'm with other single women friends, we discuss work, shared interests, politics, family stuff, house stuff... all sorts of things. Maybe a brief catch-up on online dating if they've been doing some, but not at all the focus of the conversation.

Same. We barely discuss men. We have too many other interests. Perhaps the OP needs some new friends who it
are not focused on dating.
Am new here. Apologies for any formatting errors.
...

So as per your OP people in relationships complain too much, and now single women also complain too much?

You need to meet some new people, or steer the conversation in more interesting directions.

WillyWombat & JoanOgden

That sounds amazing.
I wish I knew women like that.

Blimey you just need to widen your social circle then.

I have plenty of single and married women friends and we barely talk about our relationships/dating/one night stands/long term celibacy/ whatever

We talk about what’s happening in the world, life in general, whatever gigs, plays, films we are seeing, books we are reading, travels we’re planning on or have done, our jobs, homes, food, cars, sport, fitness plans.. and I have never noticed single and married women not understanding each other either. There isn’t that much to not understand.

Make some new friends as a starting point

I’m newly single again after a very brief 6 month relationship, and I’m e breathing a sigh of relief to have my own time and space back. Plus I don’t want to feel the pressure of needing to go out somewhere with a partner when the colder and darker winter evenings arrive. I like being home all cosy in peace and quiet.

I wasn’t always this happy being single…. The thing that really unlocked it for me was self care, tons and tons of self care… all the energy I used to put into another, I put into myself now… and the expense of going out for dates, I spend on myself now… things I need that make my life and health better… better toiletries, better food, I get myself little gifts, I didn’t realise how much gift giving I used to do, until I decided to divert that to myself…. Very eye opening!

Basically all the care, love, attention, affirmations, even romance I used to live in hope of receiving from another, I give to myself, and it really does work, quite a revelation!

I get myself perfume, put on romantic candles and fairy lights, lovely music, fresh scented bedsheets, put on a hair mask, moisturise… really really pampering oneself.

Very very rewarding, you‘l look and feel better than ever… I didn’t realise how draining and ageing being with the wrong partner can be… you come to truly value peace and quiet when you’ve experienced the opposite.

I’m revelling in accommodating no one but myself… it’s so liberating and refreshing!

Being in this sort of mood will also have the side bonus of making you more attractive, from an inner calm and satisfaction.

It takes a lot of practice, took me a few weeks to get the hang of it.

I even give myself a tight loving hug when I need it.

Remember, everything you’re looking for is already inside you.
I it wasn’t, you wouldn’t know to value it or look for it.
Only now, access it!

OP, you must subconsciously seek out men focussed friends as you are quite focussed on the issue yourself. Way more than my friends/ acquaintances. Most women I know would never seek to cohabit with a man again and there's often talk about how enjoyable it is to have the living space and the bed to oneself.
As rarely as it does come up, unfortunately most of the topics related to men have a distinctively negative tinge and nearly every woman has their own story of betrayal, abuse, rape... We can bond over the understanding of that trauma. The last time anyone of us was men-mad, we were actually boy-mad and around 17.

I lost interest in my 30s to put in the work and compromise required to make a relationship work. I can still fancy someone or fancy sex once in a while but a quick thought of being in a relationship wipes all the "wants" out in a second.

How old are you, if all your single friends are obsessed by men? I don't think mine were, even in my twenties. Sometimes we went out hoping to meet someone, but we did a lot of dinners, lunches, activities where that wasn't on the agenda. These days that's all we do! You definitely need more friends and companionship, perhaps oriented around things you are interested in, sports, art, cinema or whatever, try MeetUp.

I don't think my friends were in my 20s, either. We talked about work being rubbish, books, TV, cinema, music, food, clothes, holidays, money (lack thereof). Occasionally men, but definitely not to obsession.

You need different single friends.

This is such a lovely post, I am definitely going to borrow some tips for myself.