Where to find a strong sense of community and make a difference

[Strawberriesandpears]

Hi everyone,

I hope you don't mind me starting another thread. I created one not long ago addressing some of my fears as a childfree only child. I'd like to make this one a bit more specific though.

I am increasingly coming to realise that friends are going to be crucial in my life to replace the family I lack.

I do have some friends now, but not nearly enough. I could obviously do shorter term things to meet people like taking classes or courses, but I am trying to find longer term causes or activities that I could make a positive contribution to over my lifetime (I am 36 now) and build long lasting relationships.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

The kind of things I am interested in are:

Outdoors / conservation
Music
Arts
Design
Crafts
Animals

But I am definitely open to any suggestions.

I'd also love to hear from anyone or any older people you might know who this has worked out well for.

I want to make a difference in my life, not wallow in pity over my lack of family. I want to give as much as I can, but I can't deny that I would also like to receive in terms of a bit of love, respect and support when I reach the end of my life!

This might sound a bit morbid, but when I think ahead to my funeral I would like people to be there. There won't be any family, but I would like at least a few people to attend because I have made a positive contribution over my lifetime.

I volunteer for a local charity and am a member of the Parish Council. My best friend became a magistrate and another, despite not having kids, became governor of a local school.

Thank you @TheFlis12345 That sounds good. Have you been able to make strong and supportive connections through this?

Join a political party? Libdems or greens in particular have more of a sense of community rather than being an impersonal machine - and you will have an opportunity to influence local issues.

Join a church if you are Christian? Take a bit of time to find the right one for you, where you are comfortable and where you can contribute?

Join a charity, what causes are close to your heart? Refugees at home gives you the opportunity to host refugees in your own home, greenpeace? local conservation charities? Just stop oil!!! local RSPB group? can you foster cats for a cat rehoming charity? Or any other type of animal? wildlife rescue? Join and train in with work such as bird ringing or bat surveys?

Join a choir or an orchestra?

For me, volunteering with Beavers, then Cubs and then Scouts was great. It would be similar with the Guiding Association. I had moved alone, except for my little ones, to a new area following a tricky divorce. I'm not the most outgoing and dreaded making new friends.

However, this provided a real sense of belonging, easy contact with others as we always had a focus to work together on and chat about, lots of opportunities to use and develop a range of interests and chance to go with them for weekends/weeks camping and to residential stays. It all started with me volunteering to help at a coffee morning, again with lots of opportunities to meet others.

There are also opportunities to ‘be promoted’ within these associations, if that is also your thing. Leading a pack, volunteering at a regional level etc.

There is a joy in developing young people.
These associations are always struggling for volunteers. Locally, there are long lists of children waiting to join but not enough adults.

You might consider joining the WI. Lots of talks, activities, fund raising, arts and crafts, cookery - you name it, your WI will probably be doing it and it’s a good way to meet women in your area and bond over shared interests.

100%, I have been volunteering with the charity for many years and made lots of good friends that way. The parish council is more recent but I really enjoy it, get on great with the other councillors and can see myself being good friends with several of them, they are a wonderful supportive team.

I think having a community around you (what Buddhists call Sangha and Christians called fellowship) is really vital for anyones mental health, and I think you want a mix of close friends, people you connect with through activities, acquaintances and colleagues (work and voluntary work). It will help if you can find an area you plan to stay in.

ideas -

Contact your volunteer bureau - there will be conservation work. To get more involved join the committee dedicated to sorting out the local park or whatever.

If there is any sniff of your area becoming a transition town then that will be really good - a life long project.

You might also find a local restoration project if you like craft.

For music you probably have a few local choirs. You might also have a record club (like a book club but for records).

If you like walking people seem to really like ramblers groups.

I was also going to suggest volunteering with scouts/guides. Our local "Akela" of 25 years died 3 years ago. It was a time when only 6 people could go to funerals. The road to the church was lined with many, many adults and children from the village who'd been one of her Cubs. She was well loved, well respected and influenced the paths of many young people.

That brought a tear to my eye!

Same here, our most respected leaders are now retired from work and still volunteering after many, many years.

My DC’s grew up without a father figure and one of my DS’s once said “ I want to grow up just like ‘Mr Scout Leader’. Such great role models.

Our Scout team varies in age from late teens to in their 70s!

Other friends have found their "place" with local heritage sites and nature reserve type places.

@Nevermay Thank you for those suggestions. I think something to do with wildlife could be a good opportunity for me. I love hedgehogs and have thought about possibly opening my own rescue centre! I could try a choir too - I am definitely not a great singer, but not entirely terrible either! 😅

@Alvie22 @IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads @PuttingDownRoots Thank you. Scouts is not something I had thought of before. I was a Brownie myself as a child and I can still remember the pack leaders, so you are definitely right in that it's a great way to make a difference.

@continentallentil Thank you for your great suggestions too. I particularly liked the idea of the restoration project.

@TheFlis12345 Thank you. I'm glad to hear you work is bringing you connection and fulfilment. Parish council is definitely something for me to consider too.

@AgathaSpencerGregson Thank you for your suggestions too. My Mum is in the WI and seems to have made some good friends through it.

Thanks everyone! Please keep the suggestions coming! 😊

Might i suggest St John Ambulance? Practical skills, people focussed work and lots of opportunities

@Knockon Thank you. That's something I definitely hadn't thought of. I must admit I am not very good with blood and things, however I guess there would be other opportunities within the organisation.

How about a local peforming arts/amateur dramatic group? They often need people behind the scenes if being in stage isn't your cup of tea

@Travellingraspberry Thank you. That idea has crossed my mind actually. I'm definitely not a stage kind of person, however I could maybe put my art, design and craft skills to good use.

Find out what's local to you.

Even in London there are nature/river clean-up groups etc. Look for nature reserves or community gardens.

Local amenity society: some have local campaigns, looking at transport or planning issues, organise walks, community gardening etc.

Local museum or library might use volunteers.

Allotments or sports societies: some have a social space and need members to organise stuff (bowling clubs are particularly well-known for socialising as an activity).

Ramblers: not just going on their walks, but they need active members on the local area committee, learning to lead walks, sometimes footpath maintenance.

Definitely Scouting/Girlguiding.

@Plexie Thank you for all those great suggestions. I especially like the leading walks one.

@YellowJoggers Thank you for that. Another vote for Scouting/Girlguiding - it definitely sound worth exploring.

Thanks everyone! Please keep any more ideas you might have coming. 😊

There are great communities around the local nature reserves where I live. Lots of opportunities to really get to know people. I agree the brownies/scouts idea is a really good one. A former colleague of mine who was in late thirties and childfree did guides and really enjoyed it.

I'm in a similar position.

I've been on a few bike rides with Breeze. Really nice to combine a bit of exercise with a chat.

If you like animals and the outdoors The Cinnamon Trust might be for you. It's a charity that pairs up dog walkers with people who temporarily or permanently are unable to walk their dogs due to ill health. You'd get to meet lots of people locally, enjoy the company of animals in the outdoors and, as any dog walker knows, EVERYONE talks to you when you're out dog walking.

My friend moved alone to a new town and in a year has built a wide, supportive network of people of all ages and backgrounds who met through dog walking.

Just an aside. I don't have family and only a few precious friends. It used to bother me that I wouldn't have many people at my funeral. About a year ago the penny dropped that I didn't have to have a funeral and that has been such a weight off my shoulders.

I was also thinking about your local nature reserve or if somewhere more urban something like a river clean up group.

Music - depends how good you are but local choir or orchestra

Crafts - some are quite solitary, however there are knitting groups everywhere.

How do you feel about feminism? Feminist and women’s rights groups tend to have higher proportions of single and childfree women (not by coincidence, of course) and therefore often lots of women up for regular social events. As well as the actual activism, which can expand to take up as much time as you’re prepared to accommodate.

I would choose where you want to live and then start a Facebook socials page . We have one in my area and it has over a thousand people . Some have made very good friends and are never short of invitations and things to do .