Help me to see a future

[Futurethinker]

Hi All,
New to this side of mumsnet and NC’d for the move.

I have had to make the decision to stop fertility treatment for the sake of my sanity but I am struggling to shift my focus and pave a new life plan as a child free person.

Just looking for a light hearted thread with you strong women sharing some of the delights of life / life plans you have made as child free women, whether by choice or not ❤️

I have been having a look through - great thread - just what I needed 🥰

@Lottapianos I think you’re on the wrong thread - or you’ve got a bit of a cheek

OP, thanks for starting this thread. I have found myself nodding along with loads of the previous posts. For me, the best thing about the childfree life is the increase of freedom and choice. You're not tied to the school year or having to plan outings x days ahead because you need to sort childcare. At weekends we have a rough idea about what we might do, but can easily adapt depending on weather or other equivalent factors.

Not having children meant we were able to move to where we wanted to live without needing to think about whether the schools were good or not. We've both been able to spend a lot more time, effort and money on our hobbies than we would have done had we had children. And we can travel at the time of year when we want to and do what we want to rather than having to sell a kidney to go to Centreparcs in the school holidays. It also meant that both of us have been able to go self-employed and for me, be able to travel around the UK whenever I choose to. Equally, I'm lucky enough that I can take time off between contracts and put my feet up, doing the square root of FA.

Picking up the point about feeling you have to Do Something Meaningful if you don't have kids, my response is always that yes, as per the 1980s' tampon ads, if you want to go rollerskating all dressed in white on your period, you can. But most of us don't and we're still having perfectly good lives.

Just stop

Thank you 🥰
Ive used all the comments from this thread and made a list on my phone, so whenever I feel a bit wobbly about the future I can have a look through it to remind me of all the great things I can do (or things I can choose not to do!)
Rollerskating in white shorts on my period may not make the list though! 😆

'Ive used all the comments from this thread and made a list on my phone, so whenever I feel a bit wobbly about the future I can have a look through'

Great idea!

Nothing comes close to holding that little warm pudgey hand in your and knowing that you love them with all your heart.. it doesn't have to be biological. I know people that cry more over their pets than family so that goes to prove you don't have to give birth to a child to love it and care for it.
All these people with careers and nice furniture? Sad

This is the board for people who have chosen not to have children or who in the OP's case have made what is most likely an immensely painful decision not to continue to try to have children. To quote I can't remember who, you couldn't be more tone deaf and offensive with your comments if you'd thought it out with both hands for a week. Clearly having children doesn't make some people empathetic or thoughtful.

And if you're trolling, shove off.

I knew I’d likely forget a lot of things when I was having a ‘moment’ so it’s helpful to have them at hand to remind me how great my life WILL be 🥰

Thank you 🥰🥰
Have been making little plans, just a night out or weekend away once a month for the next few months - just something I couldnt do if I had children (or couldn’t do as easily!) so already feeling a lot more optimistic 😊

I have just read the thread and it's really positive (and refreshing) to read your update.

I'm in the camp of having a reasonable job, not a high flyer, and I don't have a packed calendar with crazy hobbies, or loads of holidays. Instead, I'm just content to have the freedom to go where I want and when, within reason/finances permitting, have a lie in when I want, read a book in peace and quiet, all day if the mood takes me, go out for meals at short notice, have lovely days out with DH and/or friends, and just enjoy a steady pace of life.

The societal pressure to do things/be busy/appear as though life is one big party passed me by, but I realise that for some people the pressure can be immense. I believe self acceptance and staying away from the likes of Facebook to be really helpful in not bowing to what's expected of us.

It's okay to be sad about some of the things life throws at us. And it's great to have future plans, big or small, to look forward to and enjoy.

Seconding the support for making a list of all the positives. I don't know whether you like poems/quotes, but I found Robert Frost's 'The Road Not Taken' v helpful in reminding me that life offers a series of divergence points, and life can be equally good whichever option you pick.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44272/the-road-not-taken

'I don't know whether you like poems/quotes, but I found Robert Frost's 'The Road Not Taken' v helpful in reminding me that life offers a series of divergence points, and life can be equally good whichever option you pick.'

Absolutely love that poem but haven't read it for years. Thanks for the reminder ☺️

I'm lounging in bed reading with Dcat on my lap. I couldn't do that if I had DC to cook dinner for and bathe and put to bed.

Delighted you like it too!

Thanks for the new messages 🥰 I can’t believe how many lovely messages I’ve got on this thread and from feeling very alone to feeling like there is an army of happy child-free women has been so refreshing ❤️
Me and DH spent last night looking at houses in a lovely town centre nearby, all non child friendly (in the heart of the town, no gardens, steep stairs etc) and realise that we can live wherever we want to when we decide to move, without having to look at good schools nearby or think of the practicalities of having a child live there, and it was a lovely way to spend a few hours 🥰

I also love poetry so thank you 🥰 might print that one off to stick on my fridge! 😆

ha ha ha I bet you didn't think you'd be seeing the benefits quite that soon! Sounds like a great way to start the reframing and hope you get the house you want. And really pleased you like the Frost poem 😍

Definitely not 🤭 I just keep telling myself all the good things over and over whenever I get a ‘sad’ thought pop up and it definitely helps!

I did show it my DH but his reaction wasn’t as good, I just got ‘I don’t get it?’ 🫣😂