Anyone else who is also single by choice?

[IsThereAnEchoInHere]

Anyone else done with dating and just happy, or learning to be happy on their own.
And by single I do mean single, on your own, so for those who don’t have ’arrangements’ or gentleman/lady callers.

Yes. I'm single / celibate by choice and very happily so. I've been like this for 15+ years following a relationship breakdown when I decided that I just wasn't willing to put myself through that again.

It took a while to get used to it but now I wouldn't, couldn't, go back to that life. I like doing what I want when I want and not having to compromise. Don't get me wrong, I was totally in love with my ex and would have done anything for him (and not seen it as compromising at all) but looking at things with a clear head that isn't clouded by emotion things are very different.

Abso-bloody-lutely. For 30 years, ever since ex pushed off with OW. Some people are just not relationship material and I'm one of them.

Yup.

I don't like myself in relationships and I've been on my own so long now that I can't imagine fitting someone into my life.

Me too.

Plenty of friends & I spend a lot of time with family, but I worked out some time ago that I’m happiest & healthiest single. I simply couldn’t handle having anyone else living with me.

I've been on my own 12 years now and am now no longer looking for any fwb or on the apps etc... just me doing life my way! I really enjoy it!

Lifelong single. Been on one date when I was about eighteen. Never saw him again, neither was interested. Never laid eyes on a living, available man I fancied. (Long-dead was another matter.) Not interested in women. My libido crashed and burned even before menopause set the seal on it. I'm very glad I never had to share living space with a man once my arsehole father and brother were off the scene. It's bad enough having to share with my mother (I'm her carer and dependent on the carer's pension).

Me . Been married , co-habited and decided about 10 yrs ago I'm not going to define my happiness based on another person . In fairness I haven't met another man I have been interested in . After 50 they seem to be too curmudgeonly to be around for long periods , are gold diggers following evil divorce settlements , let themselves go and are slipping into old age quicker than I want to .
I have a great circle of friends and don't feel I'm missing out on anything . I love my own space at home and don't have to take on anyone else's problems . I can't see this changing .

Me for years till about 3 months ago

now 47 and dating a guy half my age. I tend to assume it won't go anywhere and I'd not be up for living together but then again, living with a much a younger man might not be so bad.

I don't really have any male friends but I hear the middle aged curmudgeon thing is an issue.

Then again, how much of the curmudgeon thing is partly related to the stress of children?

Happily single over here and no plans to look for anyone.

I miss-spent my 20's dating and married in my late 20's, divorced mid 30's, then dated some more. When I look back, it was the be all and end all to find a great man, which obviously didn't happen, just a lot of tears. I regret all that time I've wasted, and moving forwards I'm heading towards a future with hopefully fewer regrets.

Funnily enough, a couple of weeks back I got a random text message from a guy I chatted to, over two years ago until he lied and said he had to cancel our date because his dad had been rushed to hospital with a heart attack (then I realised the same day he had updated his whole online dating profile on Bumble lol)... And funnily enough never heard from him again (until the other week 🤣 - my god the arrogance of these men). Hasten to add, I laughed when I saw the message and binned it without a reply.

The last bloke I dated turned out to be a misogynist and I'm pretty sure he had a porn addiction, he was younger than me and certainly not of an age where ED should be a problem - this is another story and I won't go into it now.

I was reading through one of the other threads on here earlier about the lady's partner wanting anal more and more often. It reminded me of a time I matched with a guy on a dating site years ago, and of course the sex talk began from him and he made it clear that anal is something he expects, and how childish of me not to be interested in that - apparently everyone does it. 🙄

My list of creeps, abusers and losers could go on and on and on. To have finally given up on dating and be at peace knowing I will never have to tolerate anything like that again is bliss. I know not all men are awful, but my god so many are - the thought of getting involved with someone who turns out to be yet another awful man isn't something I'm willing to risk, not after 2+ decades of the nonsense I've experienced, and seen friends and family experience. It's just not worth it.

Time is filled with interesting hobbies and I've become well acquainted with my independence and can't imagine not having the same level of control over my life and happiness that I've found since I made the active decision to be single - highly recommend it to anyone considering taking the plunge. Go for it.

I read the Relationships board and have lost count of the times I've thought' thank God I'm single.' I realise that the people in happy relationships aren't going to be posting there so the viewpoint is skewed, but some of the things that posters are having to put up with makes me go 😮. And the 'don't tell me to leave I love him!' comments. Sometimes I wonder if the myth of the great romance and The One peddled to women isn't up there with religion and war for its destructive capacity.

This is so so true. To be honest, even my friends that are 'happily married' I look at and think I wouldn't be happy with what they have. The drudgery that they find acceptable just wouldn't work for me. And that drudgery magnifies a million times with kids.

My life is so very different. And I like that way. 😍

I was pretty much raised by single women - DF was in the navy so away a lot. After he died when we were children we moved to live with grandparents and DGM did the child wrangling while DM went out to work (DGF stayed in his man cave and I don't blame him 😆) Plus I went to grammar schools where most of the teachers were single women, so without realising it I absorbed the notion that it's possible to survive and indeed thrive without a man around. I wasn't exactly a young woman the men were buzzing around, either, so I learned to cope without male attention quite happily. I preferred and still do prefer the company of books and music.

Me!

Had my heart severely broken three times - 2001, 2006 and 2020. Each one left me with lifelong trauma. Other relationships I tried to settle with either meant nothing to me or left me feeling irritated and trapped. Online dating was an utter waste of space.

Been single and celibate for just over 18 months now and I'll never get involved with anyone again, I'm almost 39.

Spent my entire 20s and half of my 30s wishing I had a partner now I've flipped to honestly not giving a fuck and it's given me true contentment.

As for sex. Nah been there done that, I'd rather read my book.

As for sex. Nah been there done that, I'd rather read my book

My libido switched off along with the decree nisi. Have only met two blokes who might have switched it back on; one was separated from his wife and ghosted after one date and the other was securely and very happily married.

Yep! I’m gay and I think part of it is that the pond I’d need to be searching in is a little smaller and part of it is that the women I have met and liked have all wanted kids.

I’m quite happy being single though. I went through a lot in childhood and am quite selfish/self-absorbed as I work through that stuff and try and heal myself. I also don’t really get lonely.

I think the only time it was really hard was during the pandemic where single people living alone were essentially forgotten about because the focus was all on hard working families and their bubbles.

Same. The women in my knitting group have all been married decades (they're all in their 60s at least) and even the "happily" married ones do nothing but complain - justifiably imo - about the stupid, lazy, wilfully incompetent manchildren they're married to.

single people living alone were essentially forgotten about because the focus was all on hard working families and their bubbles

Don't get me started on the 'families' business. 'Families' are facing financial crisis. 'Families' are having their holidays ruined.' 'Families' face huge mortgage hikes. As if by implication single people haven't a care in the world.

Don't start me on the families thing
It's as if single householders don't exist. Also don't get me started on council tax and taxation based on "family" generally I guess!

Done the long-term relationships/co-habiting thing and it’s not for me. I like my own space too much, both mentally and physically.

I’m open to meeting someone but they’d have to be as independent as I am and respectful of my life being mine. Most people don’t work that way, they want a relationship that’s a lot more enmeshed. So I potter along as I am, quite happily.