Future-proofing for a childfree old-age

[musixa]

I've been thinking a lot about this subject lately, as my own elderly parents are needing more and more support from my sister and me. Simple things like replacing household items, setting up a new appliance etc. are getting beyond their capabilities; their house isn't being properly maintained and so on.

I'm wondering what others are considering - of course my ideal would be to be one of those elderly people who is as sharp at 80 as they were at 18, but I have to be realistic based on what genes I have inherited.

My best idea at the moment is sheltered accommodation either rented or bought and maintained, warden-managed. A bonus of being without children is that there are no worries about retirement properties being 'impossible to sell' after death and of course, whatever cash my current house might be worth is at my disposal to release by selling or releasing equity.

What are your thoughts?

Hi
i live in stoke on trent
62 female. Spend most of my time at work and with my mum.
so anxious about my future.

My parents live rurally a way from me. They have a large garden so quite some time ago they got a Gardner.

They now use him for all sorts of things that they can't manage - mainly over the winter period when they he has less gardening.

Stuff like external house maintenance - even driving my dad to and from the hospital when he had an eye appointment and wasn't allowed to drive.

What about a serviced apartment with a manager? That way the maintenance is taken care of but not at extortionate fees, then when you actually need it you could move into one of the places where the care varies depending on needs. I feel you'd need to do the numbers, but technically the money saved not having children should then be able to cover your old age.

This is true, but I'm not sure how many people genuinely have this (also depends on culture). More likely the opposite and people making sure you don't spend all their inheritance

I'm not childfree but I saw this pop up and wanted to comment. I have the exact same thoughts about planning for the "in between" - no longer fully able to execute all activities of daily living independently but not needing nursing or personal care. There is no guarantee my children will live near me when I'm at this stage of life so even if they are happy to help out as I do with my own older parents etc, they may be unable to.

I'm thinking of moving to a new build two bed as late as possible, with local conveniences and building up a network of Age UK registered people to support me such as a handyman, cleaner and PA. The PA will be the one I imagine I'd increasingly need to notice things that I may not. I'd prefer to have live in care if possible if I lived long enough to need it, but I also know of many older people where it was all ticking along well until an acute physical issue such as broken limb means there needs to be a period of nursing recuperation and then returning home suddenly becomes daunting/unrealistic.

Many of my older generations have lived long independent lives and even at 90 my Nan just needed us to arrange things like a new direct debit and accompanying to the odd appointment, employing a new cleaner when the previous one left etc. Otherwise all interactions and trips out with her were purely social and not because she needed anything. My lovely Nan passed away very suddenly and very peacefully, not needing any kind of nursing or personal care at all, so that would be wonderful if I could have that too one day. I know I've inherited so much from the special woman she was, but hopefully her good genes too!

We have children but I am hoping that we won't rely on them at all.

My retirement plan is to downsize early ish to a manageable property and then use savings to pay for weekly home help. Plus try as hard as we can to keep up with any new technology so that we can be as self sufficient as possible.

I think there already are a lot of things in place that will make aging in place easier now. Unlike my grandparents I know how to use the Internet and intend to do my nest to keep up with new technologies. I can order my food and other shopping online,.I have a ring doorbell to help with security, I can get taskrabbits to help with small basic jobs. I have a smartphone and can get ubers to/from hospital or wherever I need to go. And who knows what else will be available in 20 years or so (I'm 50 now).

I'm currently househunting in Z3 London and we looked at a place yesterday we pretty much fell in love with but there are stairs down to the kitchen from the sitting room and more down to the bathroom not to mention the main staircase to the bedroom which is very steep plus it's on a hill! This would all be OK for now but as we're looking for our forever home we're going to pass it by. We're also looking for a place with a strong community feel and this house is on a main road so.might not have that.

Finally I'm attempting to build good relationships with younger people - like my young cousins although they live in America. And we hosted a lovely young Ukrainian family - the mum is like a sister to me now and I think she'd help me in an emergency in my old age - although who knows what country she'll be living in herself at that time. I need to build more relationships with people close by so when we move I intend to join whatever hobby groups will suit me - swimming, book club, etc.

It's also worth remembering that a depressing number of people are not only not helped by their kids but actively harmed (stolen from, discouraged from looking after themselves in a way that might reduce the inheritance, etc etc).

I am hopeful that this situation will really improve for people in general getting older without kids because there are so many of us now. Maybe the innovators will design future cities with robot carers and support AI.

This would be a great idea actually, robot carers for basic tasks like dispensing medicine etc. And if you're bed bound they could also take you out of bed and power wash you 😀

My aunt has am accountant, a personal trainer, a cleaner and a PA. The accountant comes once a month and they do paperwork etc. The PA comes every week and does stuff like returning parcels, updating her phone and DIY jobs.

Actually, PA to help with paperwork is a really good idea. I'm planning a list of useful people, including those handymen who say 'no job too small.'

PA is a superbrilliant idea

I think its a generational thing too. Alot of boomers who really haven't been able to grasp technology as well compared to millennials and so on who know how to use technology more, not afraid of it, know how not to get scammed as much.

If anything it should get easier with AI taking over, it could remind you of appointments and rebook them for you and so on. Just depends on how fast AI happens - almost like in those movies were you have an assistance built into your home that you talk to.

For me its thinking of downsizing, either flat or bungalow, basically one floor no stairs but close to all the amenities you need, shops, GP and so on in case you cannot drive.

Like someone said before its hard to know how well you will be. Best thing I can do it save as much as I can so I can outsource things like paying for food deliveries, cleaner, taxis and so on

I really like the idea of these. I’m kind of assuming I’ll outlive my husband, but then again if I don’t it’s not a problem, is it.
I’m also hoping that by the time I get there we’ll have developed some sense around dementia and euthanasia. It’s the one prospect that absolutely terrifies me.

Lots of great practical tips on here, but I must admit, I am incredibly worried about old age. I will potentially have absolutely nobody (I am an only child, so no siblings, nieces or nephews etc). I am building financial security so that I can afford to live in a retirement village. It's extremely expensive, but with hard work and a bit of good fortune I should manage it, however I still can't wrap my head around being completely alone. I worry for example, about being in hospital, scared and alone with no visitors. It's really doing bad things to my mental health at the moment and stopping my enjoyment of life in the present moment (and I am only 36 years old so could be a long way to go) 😔

I'm really sorry this is affecting your mental health and I hope you can find a way to work through this.

I really don't want to be rude or horrible or harsh or anything, so if you don't like what I say, please remember I mean it with the best of intentions and please don't let it upset you and just ignore me.

In life, the only person you can rely on is yourself. You could be married with 12 children, 18 friends, 35 extended family, numerous neighbours and colleagues and acquaintances and still be lonely or have no one to rely on. There are charities set up to help lonely people because its so prevalent, care homes and hospitals and houses are full of lonely people. All you can do to try and ensure people are there for you if you are in hospital or something is be a nice, kind, interesting and interested person and hope for the best. But what you really need to do is know that you have you. Be the person you want to be, be your own best friend. Learn to talk to yourself and comfort yourself and spend time with yourself.

@Clocktocks Thank you. That isn't harsh at all. Very sensible thoughts, and I thank you for sharing them with me. I think I would like to volunteer with a charity to help combat loneliness in other people.

I think that's a brilliant idea!

I came back to this thread to add these articles from Psych Central. They're US centric but might help someone with their planning

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/unapparent/202309/from-here-to-eternity-in-six-important-steps

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain That's very helpful. Thank you for sharing. I have been worrying about this so much of late.

My gran kept a flat, much smaller than her initial house and bought help in.
Basically she had a PA (personal assistant) to help her with almost everything (my family is unusual in that all the siblings moved abroad and she was the only member if the family who stayed in
our home country so no direct help)
Downside, you need trust that person fully and you might want someone you trust to oversee what that PA is doing

Just one comment about stairs.

I know the usual advice is to buy a house with no stairs for old age.
But the reality is that stairs force you to do some sort of exercise and can actually keep you mobile for longer. Same with doing some cleaning/cooking etc….

The obvious answer is to build some ways to do some exercise within your day in a different way but I don’t think it’s always that easy either.
(Obviously will depend on how mobile you are in the first place!! I’m not and use a wheelchair already so thats a NO for me lol!!)

My Mum is 92 and recently moved to a care home. I am her daughter trying to sell her McCarthy & Stone retirement property in Woking to fund care home fees. I am finding it difficult to sell but it is a lovely 1 bedroom apartment and she has lived there very happily for 20 years. Ground rent is not extortionate £444 pa payable in two instalments and service charges are £2,500 pa payable in two instalments. She made friends and had all the support she needed as she grew older. You have to be 65 or near to be eligible. Just thought this info might help.

Thank you for posting this @Frizby123

Would you mind sharing (without giving away anything too personal of course) the kind of support she received in her retirement property? I really worry about what I will do in my old age as I have no family.

Sending you and your mother my best wishes. I hope you manage to sell the property soon and that she settles well into her care home.

Mum has diabetes and got to the point where she was not managing her injections well. She was supported by local district nurses, GP and in her flat she had access to 24 hr assistance via help buttons in case she had a hippo. There is a Manager on site Monday to Fridays who knew her well and could detect any problems she may have had. Hope that answers your question.