(How) Have you told people?

[NoKidding]

Do you explicitly tell people your decision to remain childfree? Either when asked, or, for example, to your/your partner’s parents who may be “expecting” grandchildren?

Yes. Always have when asked or commented on, and always will. The aim being to normalise being an adult women who has chosen to not have kids. Mostly because I know people who cannot have kids and would like to, and it hurts them when they feel pressured into answering why they don't have kids.

It doesn't bother me answering why I have chosen to be child free, sonim happy to try and normalise it.

I can't remember, TBH. Ex's parents were like my family - accepted that we'd made that decision. They already had one GS, and ex's youngest DB had been living with his gf for years without ant sign of kids, so it just sort of was taken for granted there'd be no DGC from us on both sides. Definitely not once I was divorced and determined not to go through that malarkey again. 😀

My family was actually supportive in the sense that no-one raised my CF status, altho they might have discussed it behind my back. I've had the odd comment from colleagues but nothing like the grief some women report.

Thankfully I haven't been asked in years. If someone does ask me if I have children, I just say no. It's none of their business, and I don't have a nice neat explanation because I have complex feelings about it all! If someone does push it and ask why, I just say it's a long story, which is true

My in laws never asked, and I've only discussed it once with my parents. My dad was an utter dickhead about it and told me that not being a parent would make me very selfish, which is just hilarious coming from him. Obviously never mentioned it to them again!

I never mention it first. Conversations with strangers usually go like -

"So how many children do you have?"
"None."
"Oh. Are you hoping to have some?"
"Nah. I've never really been interested."
"Smart/Good for you/You're leaving it a bit late if you do/I used to think that until I had one/Is your mum not disappointed?/I can't imagine not having children."

One of the very best things about my late in laws (who I Ioved) was that they never, ever asked or even hinted. So I never told them. It just wasn't a subject that came up in discussion, even when they did become grandparents via another sibling. Putative grandparents have no right to know this stuff.

Not all of us are without children by choice

Thanks, some good tips in here! I do like your point @RuffledKestrel that it’s good to normalise it.

@007DoubleOSeven I understand that, but thought my post was clear that it related to those who have made a decision to be childfree and how they communicate it.

I always just say "we don't want kids, just not for us" and if pressed further I just tell them we like our life as is, having money, travelling, going out for dinner or to the cinema or a weekend away whenever we want etc

Most of the time nobody says anything further but if they do follow up with anything I generally just shut the conversation down because quite frankly, it's very fucking rude.

"more cats" is my stock answer.

Just after ex and I got married we bought a boat (nothing fancy, little cabin cruiser for pottering up and down the Thames). DM used to deflect her colleagues enquiries about DGC by saying 'They can't afford it, they've just bought a boat.' 😅

I knew from young I never wanted them and made it clear to everyone.

No one has ever said "ah you'll change your mind" so either I was very emphatic or people think thank goodness as you'd be crap.

I think I'd be very surprised at 50 if people asked me if I had kids as it's just not something that crosses my mind as something one would associate with me.

Fortunately I'm past the age of being asked if I want children (though I was 47 the last time an idiot said "But don't you want baybeees??" when I said I was single). I used to make it quite clear I Do Not Like Children and would never have wanted any. The most effectively left-field anser was "The child I have will be the next King of France or I'm not having it." Never failed to shut them up. The people I know these days mostly are smart enough to say "Catsmere doesn't do babies" when there's one being cooed over in a group setting.

*answer, dammit.

The only people who ever asked were acquaintances. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am not heir-conditioned.

heir-conditioned

😂😂😂