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MNers without children

This board is primarily for MNers without children - others are welcome to post but please be respectful

Original poster

Friends becoming grandparents

16 replies

KimberleyClark · 08/06/2023 09:26

Any older childfree/childless posters experiencing this? Starting to happen to me now. My feelings seem quite complicated. It’s not that I particularly want them, but it is a part of the cycle of life, the sense of continuity that I’m not part of. Interested to hear other views.

OP posts:
TheMerryWidow1 · 08/06/2023 09:42

Hi, I found friends having children harder to be honest, now the grandchildren are starting to arrive I'm fine with it. Maybe its because I came to terms with not having children a while ago, I don't know.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 08/06/2023 10:58

I find that it makes them less available for friendship, so steel myself that they'll be less present in my life.

musixa · 08/06/2023 12:16

Yes, it is just starting to happen to me (I'm 49). It's different in a way from when they started having children - I find it hard to know what to say, because I've simply never thought about what it means to be a grandparent, whereas at least with children it is something I thought about very deeply before deciding not to have them.

The theory of myself with a child is something I could picture, but it's impossible to get to the 'theoretical grandparent' stage in my imagination without the necessary intermediary of children.

Yet, if I had to put the options side by side, without the actuality of the second being impossible without the first, being a grandparent would be much more likely to be something I could actually do, in some way, although not a hands-on babysitting type of grandparent, more the drop in with presents from time to time sort.

BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn · 08/06/2023 16:06

Yet, if I had to put the options side by side, without the actuality of the second being impossible without the first, being a grandparent would be much more likely to be something I could actually do, in some way, although not a hands-on babysitting type of grandparent, more the drop in with presents from time to time sort.

Yes, I can understand that.

My uncle always said that the only way he'd have children was if he could adopt a 25-year-old with their own flat. Similar principle.

howmanyhobbies · 24/06/2023 19:31

They are not so available for friendships when they’re babysitting for their grandkids a lot.

Daleksatemyshed · 26/06/2023 22:43

I feel one of the joys of being CF is that you get your retirement to yourself! I know too many people who love their grand kids but are tired out by babysitting them, school runs and generally running around after them for their children.

Original poster
KimberleyClark · 27/06/2023 10:40

@Daleksatemyshed I couldn't agree more! Being able to retire earlyish (58) was a huge silver lining for me. 4 years in and it's still wonderful.

I've heard parents say they'll get their freedom back once the children have grown up but it seems to me they don't always.

OP posts:
Daleksatemyshed · 27/06/2023 17:27

@KimberleyClark I'm stll waiting on retiring but will be next year for sure. At my DM's funeral a couple of cousins excused themselves from the wake because they had to pick their DGC up from school with the words " you know how it is". Well no, I don't . I'm not saying they HAD to come but I feel sorry that their DC couldn't fill in just for once? So glad that won't be me 😂

Florissante · 27/06/2023 18:23

I've seen numerous threads on MN where posters complain that grandparents don't / won't look after grandchildren.

Another benefit of not having children: there's no expectation of providing childcare.

violetscarlet · 27/06/2023 18:46

I have many friends without children by choice who are coming up to what would be grandparent time. A few of the other friends are grandparents already, me also.
The difference I see is the child free friends have lots of options and plans, always something happening. The grandparents all manage to be part of both groups, but the child free group don't really want to be part of 'family time or parties'...they'd rather socialize with no children around.
Not judging anyone, love all my friends, but I have to be honest and say I much prefer the children and grandchildren being part of our lives. It's a special bond.

Crosswonderful · 27/06/2023 18:49

violetscarlet · 27/06/2023 18:46

I have many friends without children by choice who are coming up to what would be grandparent time. A few of the other friends are grandparents already, me also.
The difference I see is the child free friends have lots of options and plans, always something happening. The grandparents all manage to be part of both groups, but the child free group don't really want to be part of 'family time or parties'...they'd rather socialize with no children around.
Not judging anyone, love all my friends, but I have to be honest and say I much prefer the children and grandchildren being part of our lives. It's a special bond.

I’m sure the childless posters in this sub forum will be delighted to read that.

violetscarlet · 27/06/2023 18:59

@Crosswonderful

There are many bonuses to being childless. So I'm not sure why you've made your comment?

Florissante · 27/06/2023 19:26

I'm sure that the childless posters on this board really don't care to hear what posters with children think about them. That's why this is the childfree board - so we can talk about not having children.

If that wasn't a great big hint, I don't know what is.

violetscarlet · 27/06/2023 19:29

Apologies
I hadn't noticed the title.
I'll stay away and if MN would like to delete my post I'm happy with that.

LadyTemperance · 27/06/2023 20:01

Daleksatemyshed · 27/06/2023 17:27

@KimberleyClark I'm stll waiting on retiring but will be next year for sure. At my DM's funeral a couple of cousins excused themselves from the wake because they had to pick their DGC up from school with the words " you know how it is". Well no, I don't . I'm not saying they HAD to come but I feel sorry that their DC couldn't fill in just for once? So glad that won't be me 😂

I’m sorry but I suspect those people excusing themselves probably felt they had to come but wanted to leave as soon as possible. The grandchildren were just an easy excuse.

BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn · 27/06/2023 20:52

the child free group don't really want to be part of 'family time or parties'...they'd rather socialize with no children around.

Well, yes.

(Nothing wrong with parties, but I assume from the context you mean children's parties - in which case I'd pass.)

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