Lasting Power of Attorney - choosing an attorney

[Whatevergetsyouthroughthenight]

Hello fellow MumsNotters.

This one has been bothering me for a while.

As a child free widow with a mother who died with dementia, I feel that I need to set up LPAs (lasting powers of attorneys) for health and welfare as well as finance and property.

However, who to appoint as attorney? My friends are my age or older and I have no younger relatives. I am only in my late 50s and my family are long lived, so if I picked a solicitor now, the chances of them being around by the time I may need it concerns me. I have also been on the receiving end of having to deal with a situation where someone didn’t have LPAs set up and lost capacity which was an absolute nightmare.

Thoughts and suggestions welcome.

Some people prefer not to have a family member or friend, and appoint professional attorneys, such as a solicitor. The downside, of course, is that they'll take a fee to do it.

But on the other hand, their professional distance may be a benefit, as they may be better able to judge what is genuinely in your best interests. I've seen terrible fights between sibling attorneys over what's best to do for a relative.

My plan will probably be a professional (single, no kids and no plan to have them).

I've given this some thought, too.

I'm hoping that there will be someone in my life at that point that I can trust, I do have lots of friends and family at the moment, but if not, I'll be happy to appoint a professional solicitor who deals with these things.

Having a Will in place too is important although I'm still thinking about how assets would be given and to who.

I'm lucky enough to be very financially secure so it'll cost what it costs to have a solicitor.

I was chatting to one of my closest friends who has two children and she said she much prefers the idea of a solicitor rather than burdening either of her sons with all that, as @fitzwilliamdarcy says, a solicitor is objective and will follow your wishes without personal aspects coming into play.

You could choose a solicitor and if they're no longer practicing, then it would fall to someone else in the firm?

I am for one of my child free friends and she is for me with my husband. I'd never use a professional- they really won't care and won't make any difficult decisions without court approval.

OK, two votes for solicitor and one for a friend. I do have friends who have offered and would do a good job, but may be no longer suitable by the time I need them.

How would a solicitor know that you had lost capacity?

I’m going to appoint a professional but (for the health one) make it a condition that they need to consult a good friend of mine. I also must get round to doing an advance decision at some point to make that easier.

I basically want to keep certain family members out of the decision-making process.

Oh I’ve been thinking about this for a while too. Every year I have a financial review the FA brings it up - saying I should set it up now ( I’m mid 50s) in case anything happens ( hospitalised etc) But I just don’t have anyone that I would want to burden. I do have a Will & Solicitor is executor for that so I suppose the sensible thing would be to appoint them. I don’t want them to be able to access my funds though. I’m not close to extended family ( cousins etc)so they are out & I have friends but - it feels such an imposition

Yes, I know what you mean about it feeling like an imposition. I have agreed to be LPA for a friend who is a single mother but on the grounds that when her child is old enough the role moves to her child.

Perhaps the answer is to appoint a friend but specify that they may in turn appoint a solicitor if they want to, so that the solicitor does the ‘heavy lifting’.

It feels risky to give a solicitor access as they will, even with the best intentions, have a a conflict of interest between making money from administering your affairs and doing what is in your best interest.

Yes exactly that re solicitor. That’s a good idea about appointing a friend but giving them a way of getting help. My best friend is abroad now so that’s an added complication that probably wouldn’t work. I’ll certainly give it some though

We have this dilemma too (me and OH). We have nieces but we do not want them to have that burden - I have been attorney for my mother for 8 years, I've hated it and wish she had appointed a solicitor. I would not want to burden my friends either but anyway they are all a similar age to us so likely to be infirm themselves/no longer around.

Last year we did LPAs appointing each other, plus our solicitor. The solicitor can act if we are unable to do so for each other. We're in our early 60s and she's about 40.

However, she told us that solicitors are reluctant to take on Health & Welfare LPA, so we have only done Finance. That's fine, I only have Finance LPA for my mother and H&W hasn't been necessary - all medics and carers have dealt with me without any problem.

Re how your solicitor would know you'd lost your faculties - you give a couple of friends a note of the solicitor's details, so they can get in contact if necessary and set the wheels in motion. Or appoint friend plus solicitor.

@GloriousintheArctic thank you, some good points there. I guess an expression of wish/advance directive might help if I can’t get a solicitor to health and welfare.

We're just doing wills and LPA at the moment. We've said each other and DHs younger brother.

We'll reassess once DH kids proper adults ie in their 30s but I know I won't want one of them as mine. I think it more likely we'd potentially go for a mutual trusted nephew than have one SD and not the other. I'm very tempted by a solicitor though I confess.

For will executors, we have appointed our solicitors firm.

LPA isn’t just about finance and capacity. It’s also valuable for getting hold of doctors notes and being able to make medical decisions for you. My mum never lost capacity but I was able to get a full picture of her medical situation and was also able to enforce a DNR agreement. For that reason, I’d chose a friend or a relative over somebody professional.

I don't have one at the moment but will need to think about it at some stage. I will probably go with my exDH as he is younger than me, otherwise it will probably have to be a solicitor. I'm an only child so no-one else around really.

I think a professional is the best way forward ... presumably Solicitors are used to this situation and in a well established firm the 'file' would pass to a younger colleague on retirement?
I did agree to be POA for a close friend a few years ago .. however as we both reached our 60s I realised it would be quite a challenging task (having just dealt with the administration after a parent's death) so I had to have a difficult conversation when I explained I just didn't feel able to be her POA ... she fully understood and fortunately it hasn't affected our friends.

I've just been looking into setting up a PoA. My parents probably won't be around after the next few years and although I'm married, I've wondered what would happen if something happened at the same time to me and my husband and I was incapacitated and needed medical treatment. I have a sister but how easily would she be able to prove that she is my sister?

We have recently set up LPAs for both finance and health issues. My DH (76) has appointed myself (69) and his younger brother (64) as attorneys on the assumption that we will both be able to take on the responsibility.

However - I was reluctant to use DH, and my only sibling is 3 years older than me, and lives overseas. So, I have appointed a good friend who is 54, in the hope that she will be able to make decisions in the event that I cannot. My wishes around my health/care/finances have been made clear, and I can only hope that - in the event that it becomes necessary to invoke the LPAs - she will make the right decisions on my behalf.

It's a tough one ....