Nanny when a SAHM

[Cortina]

Has anyone any experience of this?

How did it work? How did you manage the dynamic of having a mother and a nanny 'working together' some of the time?

Be interested to hear from a Nanny's perspective especially.

I've been a nanny for a SAHM and all I would say is when its the nanny's working hours she is in charge.

If the nanny does something you don;t agree with the discuss it later not in front of the children and let her know that in future you would prefer her to do it in a different way.

If the children ask you if they can do something, get them to check with the nanny. Don't change plans at the last minute without first discussing it with the nanny.

Enjoy the fact that there is someone else there but don't try and be best friends as you need to keep the employer / employee distincion just liek you would in an office.

Good luck, shouldn't be any problems.

As a nanny by having very clearly defined duties (mother does this, nanny does this) and not being landed with all the drudge tasks. Fun and childcare shared equally between the two!

I think in this case it's vital to have the same approach (and for the mother to make her wishes very clear) to discipline, suitable activities for the children and routine. Whilst in the majority of cases children can adapt to nanny doing things a slightly different way it just doesn't work in shared care cases.

Also it takes a particular type of nanny to do that kind of role, which isn't really me - much as I'm loath to admit it! Nannies who do well here tend to be quite laid back, passive and able to take a lot of uncertainty. Or the MB is very laid back and lets nanny get on with it. Or there's a very clearly defined structure where one day nanny has child A and MB has child B.

Overall it really depends why the nanny is there. If it's because MB wants 1-1 time that needs to be made clear, if it's to pick up the reigns when MB needs nanny to take over then that needs to be clear as well.

The worst thing for a nanny is hanging around not knowing whether you're needed or not.

The second worst thing is making plans and then having them upset by MB. It's very demotivating!

I also think that the MB needs to be quite sensitive about tackling issues with the nanny and the nanny needs sometimes to bite their tongue and take it up later.

It generally works best in a busy household so if there's a lot of down-time or you're in a situation of 2 adults/1 child it might need re-evaluating....

If MB is on maternity leave then it can be a completely different dynamic though. In that case nanny is usually focused on maintaining the usual routine and giving MB a bit of a rest from the baby/the chance for some 1-1 time.

Frakkit said it well - it is a very different dynamic.

I sort of have that situation, I work part time at home and have a nanny present.

At the moment I have a fairly flexible handover, in that for the first half hour I gradually hand over the children to the nanny by finishing whatever it is I'm doing with them. Over a period of time this has worked out quite well, the duty handover is almost automatic - in my particular case I finish the breakfast off with them while the nanny begins tidying up some of the breakfast dishes (or joins in for a cuppa) then when breakfast is finished I take off to get ready for my day, after listing anything specific that needs to happen that day.

You also need to plan activities ahead - I have chosen most of the regular activities/classes the children do (a music class and a swimming class each), and generally take one of them while the other is left with the nanny, but this is clearly scheduled ahead - 1 one 1 time with the children is part of the reason why I chose to have a nanny.

If there is anything else I specifically want the children for then I set that out and let the nanny know as well -large outings are so much easier with 2 DC when both nanny and I are present. I also let the nanny know whether I will be in or out of the house, or generally what I will be doing/want to accomplish. If I am pottering around in the garden one afternoon my DS1 will almost invariably want to be outside with me, so easier to not fight it and let him 'help' while nanny looks after DS2.

If there is a particular activity that the nanny wants to take the children to she will check in advance what day will be better for me/them and we list that down in the diary.

Nursery duties are scheduled for the mornings when DS1 is at his nursery (for his free sessions) and when DS2 is napping.

It is VERY difficult to not become 'friends' with your nanny, and the repurcussions that come from that. There will always be times when you need to be the 'employer', especially if you're not happy with the way something is happening - which given that you are occupying the same space will always happen. After several false attempts at dealing with a particular problem, I eventually presented the problem to the nanny (for the umpteenth time!!!), told her that clearly my suggestions weren't working but the problem absolutely needed solving, and that she needed to go away, think about it, and come back on X day with a solution as to how SHE wanted to fix the problem. So far this has worked.

My last employer was a semi SAHM. We split the twins up, did activities that required 2 adults to look after 2 babies/toddlers ie swimming. I am pretty laid back, and tend to just get on with it. But there were times when she drove me INSANE (and I'm sure vice versa)... but on the whole it worked out well as we both kept ourselves busy, and now we are great friends! I wouldn't want to do it again though as I thrive more in an environment where I can run the show solo.

I sometimes do shared care with the nanny and TBH it works best when one of us goes out! In the mornings I'd usually take one of the children out and she'd take the other. In the afternoon I'd either go out myself, or ask her to go out the the children.

It doesn't work well when both of us are in the house - the kids play up too much.

When DS2 was tiny and I was breastfeeding, we'd all go out together sometimes and that was fine.

I work temp positions so both sole charge and shared care. I agree with Frakkit and NeedANewName in all they said.
Frakkit is right in that it takes a certain type of nanny - I personally dislike it but will do it. A girl has to be employed if she wants to live. Personally with the exception of one I have found all the SAHM's I have worked for very difficult but then I'm a very independent, self motivated nanny. I found most of them wanted somebody to do all the grunt work. If it is shared charge then it should be split. In my experience in London most people hire East European or Filipino for this type of role though not all do. In 99% of mine I have been working for foreign families as a 'status symbol'
This post has lost its point so I'll shut up now.
There will be somebody out there for you if this is what you want.