CMers Help Required Behaviour Issue

[Mollycat1]

I look after 4 2 year olds (live in Ireland so rules different to UK) The eldest is 3 in Septemeber and has always been a little different from the others!! But they are 2 and all have their own little querks!!

He has started to pick on one of the other children in particular, she has just turned two but well able to stand her ground.

Some of the things he does

Screams really loudly in her face
Pulls her to the floor
Takes any toys she has
Tries to pull her hair
Throws toys at her

He also
Gets fixated on something such as stacking cups/building towers and now trains
Will spend ages when in a good mood playing with one toy in particular
Loves sand and plays in it for ages
Never really eats, only 3 food items
Has delayed speech minimum of 6 mths behind

On good days you would have no problems what so ever, others are very stressfull as he is at the other children all the time, so much so i cant even go to the toilet!!

I dont know if it is a behaviour thing, attention seeking or something else, i sometimes feel like there is something else wrong and want to say that to the parents but others days he is great and I think i am mistaken.

What would you do, by the way I have 16yrs experience with children and am stumped with what to do. Time out etc doesnt work, tried stickers, rewards etc nothing helps

Sorry post is so long just trying to give as much of the picture as I can

Thanks in advance, any help greatfully recieved

I have an 8 year old with similar issues what I have found works really well is I bought a pop up tent that I put up when she is here which is called her special corner. When she is really stressed she exhibits the behaviour you have described. We have found that having her own special hidey hole is great as often the behaviour is because she can not control her emotions. She lashes out for attention and also lies often. Rather than a reward chart I also have a chart I use with her which says I made my childminder happy today by .......
We try and find a least one positive thing every day e.g. I set the table. She does need frequent reminders regarding her behaviour but I find if i take her into the hallway rather than in the room with everybody else she finds it easier to cope with these reminders. I then give her the option of whether to return to playing with the others or whether she wants to sit in her hidey hole. Hope this helps

In the nicest possible way is he developmentally 'normal' as far the docs are concerned or has he been assessed as SN by a paed?

If he hasn't then it might be worth suggesting gently and diplomatically to the parents you've noticed his speech delay and have they thought about getting it checked out?

In this situation I would advise you to do a lot of obs, note down the specific problem behaviours IYSWIM and see if you can identify a trigger and/or coping strategy.

I also feel you need a short and long term approach. In the short term you finding a way to control/manage his behaviour is definitely necessary but in the long term he needs to start recognising his emotions, what causes outbursts and ways to control himself.

I know he's young for that at the moment but it's something that will need to be dealt with at some point.

wrt getting fixed on an activity, have you considered Schemas to explain why?

'Screams really loudly in her face
Pulls her to the floor
Takes any toys she has
Tries to pull her hair
Throws toys at her'

with these you have to stay very close to hand to intervene, to parry the blow or stop the throw; the delayed speech (has this been confirmed by a specialist or are you going on your own experience?) can cause frustration in a child. Speak to parents, find out if they have been in contact with a SALT and work with them to help languiage acquisition

Hi, thanks for all your help, his speech has been diagnosed by a speech therapist as being 6mths behind and has games etc to do daily to help with learning and it is working really well. I do know that when he went to the speech therapist that his parents did not mention anything about the food as they dont see it as important as his speech but I wonder if it does and I have said this before.

BoysALD- I have looked into this before but I might look into it some more. I dont want to say something to his parents although i have mentioned concerns before with out something to back myself up except for that he is playing up!! He is only 2 still and I know that they do play up just seems to be extreme in his case.

Thanks again