No 2 due. Mother's help or nursery for toddler?

[Masalamama]

Aaargh I really don't know what to do! This one's for ladies with babes born soon after each other.

Our DS is due in Oct when DD will be 19 months. I'm keen to have some childcare so she is entertained and I can bond with DS. She currently has a nanny, but we are looking at local nurseries for a part-time place. DD went to one near my office briefly, which she enjoyed, although I wasn't impressed about the standard of care or the trek on public transport.

It now transpires that an elderly lady from my part of the world is looking for part-time work in childcare. She also helps with housework and does a spot of cleaning! I'm wondering whether she might be a better option that nursery and be able to take DD out to playgroups? The worry is that DD won't bond with her and get even more clingy with me while her sibling needs looking after. On the other hand, it would be lovely to have someone watch the two while I catch up on sleep and errands.

My gut feeling is that DD will enjoy the distraction of a nursery and not feel like I am palming her off. But mother's help sounds sooo goooood. What would you do based on your experience??

The advantage of a nursery is that you get some quiet time with DS while DD is at the nursery. DD also gets socialisation, etc. However, what about your time with DD? Mother's help will give you the chance to have some one on one time with DD while the mother's help spends some of the time looking after DS.

Having a nanny/mother's help really helped me with my DS1 who had a real problem with me bringing DS2 home. DS1 was 2 1/2 when DS2 was born and took his anger out on me, but by being able to spend time with him alone and give him my sole attention I think he came through it so much faster than he would otherwise have.

def mothers help so your 19 month doesn't feel like new baby has arrived and off I go.

also mothers help can look after your new baby for you for a couple of hours while you spend some quality time with dd1.

but also i think nursery for maybe 2 half days and emphasise that it is because she is such a big girl and it is her special treat.

I've got a 24 month gap and did 2 days for the older one at nursery 2 days nanny - took the older one out so he'd not be jealous and one day with both. I dropped the second nanny day after 6 months.

Exactly my dilemma! I currently have a nanny whose contract expires in Oct and I?m expecting DS3 in in Oct as well and want some bonding time with baby too. Am looking at both mother?s help and nursery options for my DD2 as I want her to be in a sociable environment and she seems to be ready for it.

I?ve enrolled DD2 in a nursery 2 days a week, thus giving me bonding time and for her to start a month before baby comes so that she doesn?t associate her being sent off with the baby?s arrival.

This still leaves me at least 3 weekdays where it will be both DD2 and DS3 at home which is quite nice for both of them to bond too. for these 3 days, I plan to look for a part time help for school runs for DD1 as well as help with DD2 and DS3. So, bit of a mixed bag but hopefully gives DD2 chance to be with others and for me to have time DS3 and be able to rest.

Good luck with your pregnancy!

Thanks so much for your advice ladies!

As DD is not in nursery at the moment, we decided reading your thoughts that she would feel as if she were being chucked out in favour of new baby. The budget didn't stretch to both mother's help and nursery so we have opted for 4 days a week mother's help, and the lady will take DD out to playgroups and watch the LO while I play with her.

Good luck with your LOs and thanks again.