nanny employers - can i please ask...

[drinkyourmilk]

If you were having a 'friends and family' birthday party for your child, would you expect your nanny to turn up?

I was invited, but declined. It was my charges birthday during the week and I had given a birthday tea with cake, balloons and pressies then.

I had felt this was ok till other staff members started questioning my descision. There are other events staff are invited to coming up later in the year which previous nannies have always attended. I would automatically decline as I don't really want to murk the professional balance we have, plus i'd rather be with my partner who i only see weekends and has NO intention of ever coming with me, but i'm wondering if i really should be going.

Sounds like rather a formal family with the 'other staff members' ... ! So maybe the usual norms don't apply - but, anyway, so you know, the usual norms are that you really appreciate your nanny and your nanny's bond with your child so if you are having a party and it's all about the child's special people then you make sure your nanny doesn't feel left out ... so you ask her - without any pressure or expectation at all. It's the asking that's the point, no obligation whatsoever.

However, that's the position with families that don't have 'other staff'

Hm, agreed, this does sound like quite an unusual case.
From our perspective (bog standard family ) we always invited our nanny to DD's birthday party. She always said she would try to make it but then cried off at the weekend. Fair enough tbh, she saw enough of those kids in the week. In truth I half suspect DD would have ignored her if she had shown up given everything that was going on. I would have liked it if she had come, as she was very much part of our family, but it was no problem that she didn't.

I would certainly invite my nanny and her DC ( she would also be welcome to bring the DC and leave them here if she wanted some time on her own). It would be completely up to her whether or not she wanted to come, although I would try and make sure there was some sort of celebration while she is around.

Thanks for your replies. It is a fairly formal household - but my employers aren't unfriendly and are very approachable. In all fairness they hadn't questioned me declining - it was the other staff. I was worried my employers had thought i was voilating some sort of unwritten code.

I think they understand that I would rather be with my partner and are happy with that. I'm not sure how happy they will be once they realise I decline all social functions, but in the sense that they worry I am not happy in my job - not that i don't attend. I shall make sure they understand I love the kids, and enjoy my job - but obviously have a life and want to see my partner in my free time.

A family I used to work for invited me to their 2 year old's birthday party, which I politely declined - I'd worked the previous Saturday as it was their 5 year old's birthday party, and really a toddler birthday party is not my idea of a good time. The mother didn't say anything at the time but obviously simmered with resentment which all came out a couple of weeks later in a disagreement about an unrelated issue

The boundary between personal and professional can be a difficult one to negotiate when it comes to childcare!

Spot on Missuss84.
Couldn't have said it better myself!

I think it's nice that you get invited but it is also your right to decline or accept

will the cook/cleaner/gardener etc all be going as well?maybe they are jealous and want an invite?