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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

CMs - Could I have your opinion please?

22 replies

WhatShallMyNameBe · 10/06/2010 13:38

My DD (6 mths) has just started with a CM. She is finding it a bit difficult to settle in, as we haven't been able to do a structured settling in period as the CM's mother was taken ill. But it is getting easier and I am confident that we will get there eventually.

DD is a "little and often" eater, and we have recently started weaning. For drinks she takes formula during the day and I BF at night. This morning when I dropped her off, the CM said that I really shouldn't be BF her during the night, as she should now be sleeping through, and it is making her overtired and grumpy, which is disrupting her settling in. Basically she said I need to get her to stop as soon as possible.

I appreciate that she has a routine and other mindees to consider, but I can't help thinking this is slightly unreasonable. DD can get stroppy when overtired (as I believe is true for most babies), but as long as she is put down for her naps in plenty of time she is fine.

I was trying to decide whether to post this in sleep, but I really wanted to get an idea from other CMs as to if this is a reasonable request from my CM? From the outset she has been nagging me to get DD on formula and on solids (although I can see the for this), so it is not a new issue that I have.

Obviously I would love a full night's sleep myself, but having lurked in the sleep section for some time now, I see that it isn't always that simple .

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kveta · 10/06/2010 13:41

I'm not a CM, but my DS is with one whilst I'm at work - he's 8 months, doesn't sleep through the night, doesn't nap without an enormous fuss, and I express for him to have a bottle of EBM during the day. I'm paying the childminder to MIND my child, not bring him up - I feel that although he should fit in with her routines where necessary, she should fit in with his demands too. your CM sounds difficult TBH! Mine has suggested we do controlled crying with DS, but hasn't pressed the issue, and has said nothing untoward about the milk/food situation.

will be interested to hear what CMs think about this though!!

BooKangaWonders · 10/06/2010 13:41

too many 'shoulds' from the CM. Your child, you know what's best. Sleeping through the night is something SOME babies can do at 6 months; many can't and need feeding.

Really would consider a new CM who is more in tune with you, your dd and babies in general.

Eglu · 10/06/2010 13:43

I don't think it is any of your CM's business if your DD is sleeping through the night. Also plenty of FF bed babies of that age wake through the night. She sounds quite pushy and bossy tbh.

satc2bringiton · 10/06/2010 13:47

I AM a CM and I would never give this kind advice unless asked for it. She sounds a bit pushy from your OP.

I just go along with what the parents want and get on with it.

Original poster

WhatShallMyNameBe · 10/06/2010 13:47

Thanks for your responses, I am pleased to see it is not just me being a bit about this. I think I will have to speak to DH about it tonight. We are hoping to move in the not too distant future, so we are reluctant to move her now, when we might be moving again in a few months iyswim.

OP posts:

leeloo1 · 10/06/2010 14:07

So your CM knows better than the World Health Organisation, who say babies should be breastfed for a minimum of 2 years!?! (not saying you should do so, but the guidance is there). The CM is very out of order and shouldn't be pushing you to stop breastfeeding, wean her, make her sleep through or anything else that you don't feel is right for her yet - what business is it of hers??? At the very least BFing will be great for your DD's immune system, which'll be needed with all the new germs from the other mindees!

Children sleep through when they are ready to and apparently 50% don't do so before they are 2. Controlled crying (know this wasn't your CM, but mentioned in another post) also now has a growing number of critics, because its been proven that when babies' crying isn't responded to then it alters how their brain develops.

Grrrrr, sorry, rant over...

JenniPenni · 10/06/2010 14:11

As a CM I would NEVER tell a parent to do this... I think your CM is out of order tbh

Ineedsomesleep · 10/06/2010 14:26

I would consider another childminder too, one who is a bit more supportive of your choices.

StarExpat · 10/06/2010 14:50

She's well out of order. None of her business how you feed your dd and how often or what you do in terms of sleeping and feeding in the night.

maduggar · 10/06/2010 15:22

None of my BF or FF babies slept through the night til well after 1 year old! She'd have hated me

StarExpat · 10/06/2010 15:28

DS is 20 months and still doesn't sleep through My cm always offers to wake him earlier or shorten his nap (which he sleeps very well through), but I just say wake him by 3.30 (I collect him at 3.45pm/drop off just before 8am) but otherwise let him sleep away. I feel like at least then she can get some paperwork done or have a break (others are morning only). And I don't think changing his nap would help anyway, as we've tried in the past.

HSMM · 10/06/2010 19:06

I am a CM and I would not be giving opinions on night feeding. It's up to you. I do often make suggestions to parents, but always knowing that they know their child best and I would make sure they knew I respected their position as parents.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 10/06/2010 19:58

what everyone else said

please don't stop bf

TazzaD · 10/06/2010 20:21

I have been a CM for 5 years now and would most def never give the advice that your CM did. My DD didnt sleep through till she was nearly two, babies are all different as are adults! I think a CM s job is look after your child in a way you would like, not give unsolicited advice! Keep breastfeeding! Dont worry about her sleeping thru they do that when they are ready and find another childminder!!

MUM2BLESS · 10/06/2010 21:25

If you decide to breast feed at night that is your right to do that. Would you consider expressing and letting the cm have breast milk in the bottle.

As a cm I do make suggestions to parents but try to also carry out their request if at all possible.

Only stop breast feeding if that is what you want to do. Thats personal.

It sound like your dd is just taking time to settle into a new setting. As a childminder its important that we are patient when taking new children in. Things will settle down eventually.

All the best.

Waveawand · 10/06/2010 21:47

Speaking as a CM and a mother- Firslty as the others said very politely What the Blazes is it to do with her ? I BF all my kids (4) the last till he was 18months (longer than the others) and whom has only just started sleeping through at the age of 2yrs plus!!! Please tell her to butt out and get a more sensistive to YOUR childs needs CM pretty please - if you lived near me (Formby) Ive vacancies!! Stick to your decisions NOT HERS!!

woahthere · 10/06/2010 22:47

Shes being a right cow! She should be supporting you and trying to help you and understand how hard it is for you. Its probably more down to her beliefs than anything. I would never suggest changing the way you feed no matter what my personal beliefs were. Hardly any babies sleep through at 6 months and actually it has been proved that there is a lot of good to breastfeeding through the night as this is when they get the best most nourishing milk.
I think youve really got to be on the same wavelength as your cm or it wont work.

Numberfour · 10/06/2010 22:59

i read the posts as far as jennipeni - apologies to everyone else..... and i say what JP says.

you CM is out of line.

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of line.

Original poster

WhatShallMyNameBe · 11/06/2010 07:50

Thanks again everyone, DH and I will need to have a good think about our options at the weekend. I am glad hear that it is not just us being PFB.

He was a bit yesterday when he collected her as when he got home he realised that all of her bottles and sippy cup were still full. The CM had obviously made no attempt to even get DD to take milk as she hadn't made up the formula I had left her.

DD is difficult in that she will only take milk from me (BF or formula), but DH has discovered that if you just give her the bottle, and supervise her, then she will feed it to herself. I told the CM this yesterday morning when I dropped her off, but she obviously made no attempt whatsoever.

She is eating solids for her, so she is not starving, but she needs to drink as well. Apparently when they got back yesterday she instantly went through 2 bottles of milk, so she had been really thirsty.

Just off to drop her off now, and see if I can have a word with the CM.

OP posts:

OhExpletive · 11/06/2010 07:54

Good luck, FWIW I would be furious if my CM presumed to tell me how to bring up my child. I have been known to ask my (very experienced, trusted and wise) CM for advice but under no circumstances should she be effectively pressurising you to change your parenting ways to suit her.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 11/06/2010 07:57

That's pretty appalling, WhatShall. Not bothering to give her any milk or fluids all day? Pressuring you to nightwean, and to wean onto formula? That would be out of order for an older child, but for a little one of only six months that is waaaaaaaaaaaaay out of line.

I'd pull her immediately, to be honest.

majafa · 11/06/2010 13:12

I too am a mum and CM,I agree with the others you deinatley need to have a word with her.
If Im asked for advice/opinion I may give it, depending on the subject in question..or suggest parent has a word with HV or GP, as they are more qualified etc etc
But would never Tell people what to do, Not my place in my opinion, nor am I qualified too.

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