Au pairs - I'm clueless

[MollFlounders]

Hi, I'm a single mother of a 19 month old girl. I work long hours FT and it's occurred to me that an au pair might ease some of the strain. I've got a full time daily nanny but she's very expensive for baby-sitting (and I often have to travel for work during the week) and she can't work on the weekends- sadly, sometimes I have to. And sometimes I need to get my hair cut! So I thought having an au pair around might be a good solution.

I'm trying to register on an au pair website, but it's asked me lots of questions I don't know how to answer. I'd be so grateful for thoughts:

1. How many days a week would you usually ask an au pair to work? I really just want her to be on call a bit on the weekend and to babysit at least once during the week. Other than that, all she'd need to do is a bit of light housework, help out my nanny if necessary, do the ironing, put the groceries away. Not all that much.

1. Would it be reasonable to get rid of my cleaner and ask the au pair to look after the cleaning instead?

1. What should I pay?? I'm in Central London and it would be good living conditions with not too much work for her. She'd have her own room, bathroom, TV etc etc. And I think the duties would be pretty light.

Thanks so much. Sorry if these are idiotic questions- I've cracked the nanny thing now, but this is a whole new world to get my head around....

Have a look on Gumtree (search your area) and you will get a good feel for the price people are paying - it does vary.

Write 'flexibility required' whereever possible which means you can call on her/him when possible.

Yes - I think you could put cleaning in as part of the arrangement.
The more information that goes into the profile/advert more chance you will get the right candidate. If someone does not want to clean then they won't apply.
Put hours up to 25 per week - again flexible. Maybe suggest more hours may be required at various times - time off or additional allowance will be given. Do include the part that it may require some weekend work to fit in with your work arrangements.

Put 2 nights babysitting, then you've always got that extra night when busy weeks crop up, some put 2-3 nights per week.

I don't think you will have any trouble as the aupair would have time to go to studies during the day (If they want to)

Have you discussed the aupair option with your nanny - with 1 child and of that age - you may find that there isn't a lot for the aupair to help the nanny with - I think I may be a little if my boss got an aupair to help me

Agree with Iheartmyboys though re hours/babysitting.

Make sure that they get two complete days off a week (even if not the weekend or if it changes every week) rather than doing a few hours/being on call every day. An au pair is going to be a young person who wants to learn English and see a bit of the UK when they're here, so having days off will be important to them.

I would say most au pairs probably prefer childcare to cleaning, so be clear that you're looking for someone to do cleaning and babysitting, rather than 25 hours a week of childcare! Also, think about what your cleaning skills were like as a 20 year old - an au pair is likely to do half as much cleaning half as well as a professional cleaner. Au pairs only really expect to do "light housekeeping" too - tidying, hoovering, mopping the kitchen floor, putting on laundry, a bit of ironing - so may not be a great replacement for your cleaner.

I think lifeinagoldfishbowl has a point that the nanny and au pair should have distinct roles - that the au pair babysits when the nanny is not working - so they nanny doesn't feel the au pair is there to assist her or feel responsibility for managing her.

That all sounded quite negative, but actually if you can afford it I think the au pair sounds like a great idea - your dd is at a good age to be exposed to another language too so I would ask the au pair to always speak to your dd in her home language. It will be good for you to have a couple of nights babysitting and someone on call for the weekends, plus a bit of assistance with the day to day running of the house like laundry and groceries.

Pay I would suggest £65 a week.

One other thing to bear in mind - my sister was an au pair in Spain in a family where the children were in childcare and there was also a full time housekeeper (I think the mum really just wanted an English speaker around) and she found it very difficult as she never quite knew what her role was, and when she was "working" and when she was "off". So while it's great that you can be flexible, I would make sure the role is clear and working time/off time is defined.

For the number of hours, it is worthwhile to think how each day is going to be for your aupair ie what time she should wake up by, the exact hours you need to be on duty cleaning, babysitting etc and work out an exact daily schedule. Add up all the hours and the pay will follow.

It is much easier to settle the aupair in if you are clear about her duties and when she is on and off.

In London, you won't have a problem hiring aupairs. They seem to gravitate to London like a moths to a flame. The usual arrangement is 25-35 hours pw for £65 - 110 pw. I would keep below £100 pw threshold to avoid having to faff around with income tax/NI. You will be able to get away with paying less as you are in London, supply and demand.

Agree with Missus that aupairs are generally crap at cleaning. They don't usually like it so be very clear it is part of their duties and how many hours a day they are required to do it. If you are not fussy about the standard, then an aupair will be fine. The trade off is that whilst they are not professional in standard, you get more cleaning hours out of them generally, since the childcare component of your duties is quite light.

I agree that it is important that you are very clear about the lines between your nanny and aupair. I used ft nursery with an aupair, who did the nursery run and now school run. I find that quite a simple and workable arrangement, though I understand you might not want to change your existing childcare arrangements.

I understand you probably love your nanny to bits but in the future might it be worth considering a live in nanny who will have a couple if nights babysitting written into her contract and may be open to paid overtime at weekends?

In the meantime I wholeheartedly agree with the language point-it could be wonderful for your daughter, the au pairs schedule is light enough that they can go to classes and as long as it's light cleaning I don't think it would be unreasonable.

The only problems I forsee are finding someone willing to work weekends, presumably and not that much notice, the standard of cleaning and someone eith enough childcare experience to cope with an active 19month old during the day in weekends. When you say travel for work do you mean they might need to do overnight sole charge? If so how well does your daughter sleep?

Remember you'll need a contract etc like you have with your nanny setting out what the au pair does/doesn't do and her rights/your expectations etc. Staying under £97 a week avoids the tax issue.

How would you feel if the au pair had another job? They might want to do a couple if dats for another local family to boost their income. In that case I'd strongly advise you remain her primary employer and don't split the tax code. Write a gross figure into the contract in case though.

Thanks so much everyone for all the replies. I will need to go through them in detail but it is massively helpful to have some thoughts. Re the nanny interaction issue, I would absolutely discuss it with my nanny before doing anything. I have no family in this country so my great relationship with my nanny (she is fab and I do love her to bits, as does DD) is the mainstay of my life and I'd never do anything to jeopardise that. It is true that I probably need to think about a live in nanny at some point as frakkit says....

Thanks again everyone