childminder minor whinge

[omaoma]

ok, this isn't really a whinge- my CM is a lovely, genuine, caring woman who looks after DC with her own kids really well, and I'm happy we've got her. But she seems to have a bit of a blind spot and I wondered how unusual this is or whether i'm just picky! She doesn't really let us know when the number of other kids she looks after changes - there have been several changes with numbers going up, and now a mindee is leaving and another coming in who's younger. Basically I find out when I ask and about a week before it happens! it's not really a major deal for me (altho bit annoyed about the recent change as I would have liked to change days if that was an option), but I find it surprising that she thinks that isn't an important thing to communicate! What do other CMs do?

Also wondered if other people get to know the other parents using their childminder? I would like to, as our kids spend time together, and it might be useful to help each other out in emergencies etc. Doesn't seem to happen at the mo altho we passed each other on pick up, should I just be more proactive?

It depends how much of a business relationship you have/want with your childminder and what relationship she has with her other parents.

Your CM is perfectly within her rights to change her mindees without telling you, although I agree it's odd that she's hasn't mentioned it in passing to you.

Is pick up the only time you see the other parents? Do your DC have any special friends at the CM that you might want to do something with socially? Would you expect that from a nursery? It can't hurt to be more proactive and suggest you do something together, but what? Do you want to be going out for drinks together or occasional playdates?

Overall....it depends! There's no hard and fast rule/

I tell my mindees parents of any new starters normally a week before they commence even if they have been lined up for quite a while, and only if the new child will be here on a day when their child attends.

For two of my mindees, the drop off and pick up times are the same so the parents see each other every day. For children with other times, the parents would never see each other.

Certainly, if you are wanting to change days, let the childminder know so that if her numbers look like changing, she might be able to incorporate your request before committing to a new enquiry - the communication needs to work both ways.

thanks frakkit - just wanted to have some kind of relationship with the other parents - a) it seems appropriate as our children have a relationship b) It seems like a good idea to potentially become part of each other's support networks as we could be helpful to each other. and c) you know, it would just be nice to know at least each other's names! not nec looking for special friends but wouldn't mind it if a friendship developed.

i guess perhaps i'll try and spend longer chatting next time i see them and take it from there.

re the CM - i guess it's my personal thing then. it's a bit thing for me if one of a very small number of mindees changes, it changes the care your child might receive and the environment they're in and if you've chosen childcare for a particular style of care, you want to know if it's changed, non? (and tbh i wouldnt' have chosen her initially if she'd had the number of kids she has now,which is effectively doubled, altho it's ended up ok). it's not like kids coming and going at a nursery - more like if they want to merge different age groups or increase/decrease the number of kids being cared for, you'd want to know that.

Hi
I have been a cm for over 10 years cm kids come and go all the time, we dont always tell the other parents unless their child is close to the one that is going, generally i have a little leaving party for the one leaving so if your child is of talking age they would probably mention it to the parents also when the parent picks up at the end of the day and i tell them a little about the day and activities we have done the leaving party would be mentioned at the at point, so although i dont make a big thing of telling the other parents generally they do know. Also if you would like to change your days just inform your cm that when the days you need come available you would like to have the chance to change (one of the other parents may have mentioned the same thing and you may just be able to swap)
I dont think she is not telling you on purpose just not mentioning also we do have to be careful concerning confidentiality I no that sounds like a cop out but we really arent allowed to discuss the other children with anyone.

sorry BIG not bit!

interesting to hear it really is just my personal issue with mindees changing! fair enough

millenium - actually we had had a conversation about how the days were working out in the past few months, so it was in the air, but that's a fair point that i could have been more direct about lodging a request.

thanks for the info about confidentiality as well, that hadn't occurred to me

I think its lovely that you want to get to know the other parents - mine aren't interested in each other at all!

I would tell your minder that you are interested in swopping days if possible and see what she says - if you haven't told her she can't be expected to know.

As to letting other parents know about children coming/going, well its not really something I discuss with other parents due to the confidential nature, I do let children and parents know that there will be a new arrival - we go out and choose a small welcome toy (for the setting) and if a child is leaving I do a 'do'. Other than that I don't really see it as anyone else's business - I don't mean that to sound rude or disrespectful though. A nursery wouldn't discuss children coming and going with parents would they.

Does it matter that much if the number of children increase, so long as the CM is within her numbers? I assume she never guaranteed one to one care.

Most of my families have been with me for years and regularly invite the other children to parties etc. But it isn't down to me as I cannot without permission give information about other parents. The parents themselves don't really socialise as they use me because they work long hours and probably haven't the time to get to know new people IYSWIM

I always let parents know if an extra day, or a day swap is available, but it is much easier if they tell me in advance, before I start advertising a space. Most parents have given permission for their email addresses to be shared with other parents, so these are shown to everyone when I email out my monthly newsletters (parents who do not wish their details shared are blind copied). This gives parents the opportunity to contact each other if they want to. When party invites are going out, I am often asked to put invites into other mindees trays, so they can be invited. We also have a get together (Christmas party/Summer bbq/etc) a few times a year, so all the parents and children can get together if they want to (they don't all come).

Anyway ... in short, she may not be doing any of this deliberately and you probably just need a quick chat.