Issues with nanny... again...

[Feelingoptimistic]

Just looking for some advice.
I have posted before about some issues I was having with my nanny, who has her own baby.
Anyway, things were going well for a few months, but for the last few weeks I feel like she is coming to work, but is not happy and not putting anything into it...
I am wondering whether I should confront her about it.

Basically, she used to be wonderful, but since coming back with her own baby, I feel she doesn't really want to be working (understandable !) and feels resentful. Before she had her baby, she was getting paid an amount which was not at the high end of the salary scale in London (but she did come to me with no formal experience). When she came back with baby, we kept her on the same salary, which I now feel is a very fair salary, considering she comes with baby.
A few months ago she asked for a pay rise, and was resentful that I only agreed to a very nominal one - but I thought she understood my reasons.

But she seems to be doing less and less. E.g. she has stopped ironing DDs clothes. She works 33 hours over 4 days (she used to do more pre-baby)- do you think it would be reasonable to ask her to make time to iron? Also, yesterday I was running a bit late - when I was 13 min late and 1 min away from home, she sent me a text asking how much longer I would be. I annoyed me, because I am not late very much, and I always thought that there should be a bit of give and take, and one of the reasons why I have a nanny is that I don't want to have a anxiety attack every time I am running a bit late.

I feel like she feels I am taking advantage of her, while I feel like she has a pretty good job where she gets to spend time with her baby and does less and less with DD...

Sorry this is so long ! She gets £235 after tax, for 33 hours, and on two of the days, DD is at nursery for 3.5 hours, so she uses that time to take her baby home, or goes shopping, etc.

Find some time to have a 'now that it has been a few months, how are you finding it back at work with your baby' conversation.

Ask her about the job with 2 dc to look after - what is easier than she expected, and what is more difficult than she anticipated.

That should 'open the door' to a chat about her attitude, what she is/isn't doing relative to her duties, etc.

Wow, you took her back with a baby on the same pay so she could do less work for you? You are absolutely within your rights to ask her to complete all of the chores which are outlined in her contract.

Regarding the comming home late, I do think it would have just been a common courtesy for you call or text when you knew you would be late. But, I think that this probably annoyed you because you are already annoyed about a variety of other things -- which are totally understandable.

I agree you need to sit down and have a review. Point out that you don't have to let her bring baby to work and if she wishes to continue doing so then she needs to convince you she can do all her duties.

When DD is at nursey she should be doing nursery duties, not takng baby home or going shopping. If you're worried about activities implement a diary so you can see what she is doing with DD and, if possible, check up on it by checking kitty money if she writes they went to a group or seeing whether there's evidence of baking etc. Dropping hints about photos probably wouldn't go amiss either.

You are being very reasonable about the pay rise - she's bringing baby so that's reason enough fir a pay freeze, plus many people are not getting payrises and it's not really on to ask for one.

The lateness thing is understandable though, although I would leave 15 mins. Just because you have a nanny for flexibility doesn't exempt you from texting/calling when you realise you're running late. Obviously if you're still 20 mins away and due home in 5 you know you won't make it so letting nanny know is courteous and completely separate to the own baby issue.

Thanks for your comments.
You are right about the running late issue - I should have texted her.

I will try to have a chat with her about things. I am just dreading it a little bit !

13 minutes late as a one off and she's texting you asking how much longer you'll be?
I could understand if you were even 20 minutes late already I guess... but even then - I'm not sure what, but not asking how much longer you'll be - it's just a bit well, rude.

Yes, you should have text her, but that was a bit rude of her, especially if you are not late usually.

I've only ever once been late for my cm because of traffic - 10 minutes and I text her and she said if I was less than 15 mins late for something like that (and it's not frequent or regular) that I don't need to worry about texting her as it's not a big deal and she knows I'm usually on time. She did say she would text me if it was ever longer than 15 minutes to see if I was ok/something had gone wrong... I doubt she'd ever text and say "how much longer are you going to be?" no matter what. Just rude.

How old is the baby? I'm wondering if this is nothing to do with you and your DD, but that your nanny is finding things tough, baby is probably not sleeping at night, and maybe even a touch of postnatal depression to complicate things.

I know she's a professional nanny, but don't forget that she's also a new mum. Sit down and have a sympathetic chat with her, but don't assume that she's fed up with you.

I agree, Tanith. But at the end of the day, OP is employing her to make her life easier. If she's finding it difficult to do the job that is expected of her, maybe it's not the job for her.

When I had to return to work early (Teacher - without my baby), I had pnd, was exhausted, not getting much sleep at all, new mum, and I didn't get to choose to just not do some of the work because of this. They wouldn't pay me and keep me on if I was to suddenly stop doing some things that are expected of me in my job.

yes i was just going to come on and say theres no way i can iron with a baby & toddler -i'm very proud to have done it today, it's mnaybe the 2nd time in my 8mo's life i've done it.
Unfortunately for the nanny though, that's not the OP's problem

I was in this positon as a nanny taking my baby with me (although hadn't beeen working with them before and on a lower salary than normal to start with!)

Baby wasn't sleeping and I was shattered... their DD was 3 months older than mine so neither were running about, theirs just starting to crawl etc... I have to say after lunch when both girls went to bed I often had a nap on the sofa at the same time... but did take the ironing I should have been doing home over night to get it done in the evenings... all ok'd with my boss though and she had suggested the nap in interview! Once my DD was sleeping I did the ironing when they were napping...

I then had an after school job and took my DD with me and she had just started walking... ironing was part of that job too and I just couldnt manage it aloing with other duties of dinner/reading/homework AND making sure my DD didn't destroy their house (lots of glass statues/figures etc everywhere!).. again I just took the ironing home to do in my own time... it was part of my job and it was due to my DD I couldn't get it done in my 'paid' hours so did it in my own time... but as far as I was concerned I was very lucky to be able to take DD with me and bringing the ironing home was a consequence of that!

Children's clothes don't need ironing

I am not sure i would ever feel a nanny bringing there baby to the job would ever work. I can't say I've tried it but I have had two children of similiar age, and keeping an eye on both of them is hard work.

I do see the benefit of shared play/socialisation but a baby is hard work and as you would know babies are unpredictable and usually have to take priority over everything else and I'd be afraid my children would have second best.
JMO

This is why I would never have agreed to a nanny with a baby, she's probably knackered, PND and finding it all too much, none of which is your DD's problem.
Do you really like her that much ?
I've put up and shut up about nanny's before thinking the children loved her, it was good for continuity etc, the kids couldn't have cared less and I would have been able to hire a better nanny for the same money. Worth looking around.

I think you are all correct that she is probably finding things difficult. Baby is about 10 months and quite demanding. I will report back !

EvaBrick - that's actually not true. 95% of my own clothes don't need ironing (lots of knitted things or dry clean only) but DD wears lots of cotton dresses that look terrible if not ironed !!

There are positive stories out there - nanny and baby can work. I did it when my oldest was little and tbh it was just like looking after siblings. A nanny could be looking after 2, 3 or more siblings and would still have nanny duties, including ironing, and they would still manage to get their jobs done. I suppose one difference might be that the nanny with own baby may get less sleep at night due to her lo waking, but fortunately mine slept well from an early age.

That's not what I'm saying StarExpat - all I'm saying is that the reason this nanny is finding things difficult may well be nothing to do with the OP and her child.

I commend you returning to work with all that was going on in your life after your baby. We've all done it. But I bet your work colleagues and your pupils noticed that you weren't the same as you'd been before you'd had your baby, even though you tried your damnedest to carry on as normal. Probably the nanny is also trying to do the same.

Agreed, Tanith. I was more tired and not exactly the same, but I did do my best and I never left any duties undone and made sure each student was cared for, listened to, made sure everyone understood...etc. I was actually even more devoted to my job as a teacher after having ds because once ds was born, I had a huge awakening and really understood what it is like to love your child so deeply that you will go to the ends of the earth for them. I saw and still do see each one of my students as someone's precious baby and give my all for every single child (of course I have a class of 16, so I can do that).

I do understand what you're saying, though. It's not the nanny's fault. It's hard work having a baby and a job. But, as spb said, that's not the op's problem.

I feel for the nanny, I really do. I just think that if a nanny employer feels her child isn't getting enough attention from the nanny that she pays to look after her dc and do nursery duties, then it may be time for a new nanny.

It is hard taking your own child to work but the nanny is paid to do a job and if she can't fulfill her duties then the OP needs to have a serious chat with her. I don't see why the nanny can't do the nursery duties when her charge is at nursery or when her own baby is sleeping.

I took my DS to work when he was approaching a year but chose a job with a child of a similar age which I think made it much easier as routines, groups, food etc were all the same and the children got on well. I did all nursery duties and anything else that was required.
My DS was a demanding baby, didn't sleep well in the early days and I know I could not have given a job 100% while I felt like a zombie. I was lucky that I didn't have to go back to work. I wanted to which I think does make a difference. If the nanny is only doing it to pay the bills and is struggling with being a Mum ( and being a Mum is sooo different than being a Nanny ) then her heart probably isn't in it to the same extent.

Texting you was rude and, yes, you could have let her know you were running late but these things happen. My boss was a GP and also had to come home via the motorway. There were some nights she was late due to having to do emergancy home visits or traffic but that's life. She was always apologetic and would always let me go early if she could another day. It's give an take. I try to be as flexible as possible as I know taking DS is a privilidge, not a right, and I would hate someone to blame me not doing things on my son.

Feelingoptomistic I hope the chat goes well and your nanny improves. If not, start looking for someone new. There are plenty of great nannies out there.

Ebb you sound like a fantastic nanny with an amazing attitude/outlook. OP you need a nanny like Ebb.

I think its too much for anyone. YOu are paying her but she can't do her job properly because its too much. I'm a SAHM and often you really cannot get things like ironing done, and I should imagine if the two babies are crying at the same time it's a nightmare: road to depression IMO.

If you want to keep her, please forget about extra chores like ironing. My H doesn't expect me to get the ironing done because he knows looking after our kids comes first. Be pleased she is prioritizing the childcare.

But as I say, you might have to let her go, because it's really too much work for one person.

The only thing that keeps me sane all day with my baby is knowing that I'm my own boss. BUt your nanny doesn't even have that.

Sakura - op has mentioned that while her child is at nursery the nanny goes to her own home or does her own shopping. This is time that she is being paid for so it is totally reasonable for her employer to expect that nursery duties and unreasonable of the nanny to do her own chores before doing the ones that she has been paid to do.

Ah, I see. Yes, that is unreasonable from an employers point of view.
I don't think this nanny is up to the job right now.

have you spoken to her OP?

Not yet Stealth - I am going to do it one morning next week...

I would imagine it is tough having a baby and being a nanny.

Very true bodenbore. I can't imagine I'd ever employ a nanny with child unless child was over 3 or 4.