New nanny not happy

[lumpasmelly]

I've recently hired a new nanny to help me look after DS1, DS2 and DD1 aged 5, 2 and 5 weeks. She is really great and the whole family really like her and she has been with us for two months now. I thought things were going really well, but today she asked to have a chat about how things were going. While she said she wasn't unhappy she said that at times she felt like she didn't have enough to do and that the job felt a lot more like a mothers help than a nanny job. Her previous (and only) nanny job was sole charge of two boys so I suppose that this job is different in that I am around too, so she doesn't have complete autonomy to do everything as she pleases. However, in reality there are three children to look after including a new born and there is plenty to do! I am happy for her to take the children out to activities by herself so it's not like i am around hovering at all time so I am a bit at a loss as to how to make the situation better for her (apart from leaving the house all day and leaving her to take care of all the children which is obviously not going to happen!!!) I really like her and think she is a really good nanny, and also find her easy to get along with which is important so I would really like to make this work. Anyone got any advice as to what I might be doing wrong and what i could be doing differently?.....btw I deliberately didn't go for a mothers help because I wanted someone who could be left alone with the children and also take them
out to do things as having a new baby can be quite restricting on the rest of the family and i didn't want the boys to miss out on all their activities......

i think you need to ask her to be more specific about what the problem is

working alongside parents is a lot harder than full sole charge...
for example it may be easier if you leave her to it completly at meal times (mine always ate beautifully with no fuss and lovely manners until my bosses entered the vicinity.... VERY annoying and easily resolved when this issue was out in he open and my bosses made sure they did not enter the room until the meal was over....

do you back her up completley always? that is also extreamly important if you want it to work?

Agree is hard having shared care but seems you are happy for her to take children out

does she want more hands on with baby or be allowed to decide what/where to go

is the job 5 days a week?

Maybe you can do a week/fortnightly plan so that she knows where/what she is doing and can make plans to see other nannys

nannying can be very lonely without seeing other people tho obv you are about

agree easier to have one adult at meal times and always back up/support

In all honestly you need to ask nanny what exaclty the problem is

I do completely back her up so i don't think that's the problem, but my five year old is going through a particularly obnoxious phase so its easy to take it personally until you realise he's like that with everyone! Fortnighly plan is a good idea - it's been difficult so far as I had DD1 5 weeks ago by c section so still a bit in a haze of recovery and sleep deprivation!!! Also DD is breastfed so I can't hand her over for long periods of time, though this will change once I get into the habit of expressing and she goes longer between feeds. I suppose it's also tricky as I want to make sure I get quality time with each of my children as i don't want them to feel like I'm just handing them over to the nanny as there's a new baby.....having a nanny was supposed to make it all easier but I hink I perhaps need to have another conversation with her to get to the root of the issue and resolve it! Thanx for all the advice!

I agree that you need to find out more.
I would have thought her main focus at the moment would be on your older two children... seeing to their every need given that you have your hands full with baby. She may also assist you with DD, for example changing nappies, giving a bath that sort of thing - things that would involve you bending quite a lot... having had a c section you are not supposed to bend much during recovery period I think (is that right, or am I confusing it with something else?).
Doing things around the home I expect are also an important thing - such as keeping on top of the washing, cooking meals for the children and also for you... lunch for example.

It won't always be like that though... once DD is taking expressed milk and going longer between feeds, nanny will be able to care for DD for longer periods of time.

Perhaps ask her what her expectations were... what did she see herself doing the first few months following birth of your DD.

School half term rapidly approaching, so taking both boys out on a day trip somewhere could be done. Is she planning any such trips out for Half Term? (I'm assuming your 5 year old is at school and has half term coming up).

I think the hard thing with shared care for a nanny is not knowing who's in charge and when to take the lead. Some parents want a nanny to be an assistant to them, while others will want the nanny to take charge.

Timetabling the week so there are clear times when the nanny is out doing things with the older ones or clearly "in charge" while you are busy with the baby/times when she looks after the baby and you have time with an older child/times when you are all doing things together/times when the nanny can do nursery duties might make it easier.

I agree shared care is tough but what did she expect?

Timetablong the work is probably a good idea, as is making it clear what you want her to do whilst letting her retain control over when and how she does it.

One thing which is very difficult with parents around is bonding with the children-it just takes longer and there's not a lot you can do to speed up the process. Another is feeling as though you're constantly being watched which can be very stressful.

I assume you are going to work at some point? Or is it a shared charge nanny role forever?

I wouldn't say this to her but shared care nanny/mothers help jobs don't differ that greatly tbh. A mothers help will likely have more household duties but the lines are very blurred so perhaps it's not suprising she feels that way if she's accustomed to sole charge work. Has she ever done shared charge?