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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Am angry with cm today - about to rant!

43 replies

biggest · 17/05/2010 20:45

DS has been with his CM for 1.5 yrs now, and slowly we have been getting a bit worried about how little they now do when he is with her. She has a few other children too but I can't get a sense of them doing anything educational or to help with development. She used to go to parks, playgroups etc but is increasingly staying in and I suspect the kids are watching TV as DS knows the names of cbeebies characters I have never watched with him.
Today when DH dropped DS off (at 10am) she wasn't dressed, had curtains drawn and had been out a family party last night. DS was her only mindee today. It was a really nice sunny day so DH said would be good for DS to get fresh air.
When I picked him up, he had been indoors all day, had a rubbish lunch and she - and I can't believe this - hadn;t changed his nappy all day. She actually lied to me and said his nappy was changed but he had had lots to drink - but when I got home he was still wearing the same nappy as this morning, and of course had a rash.
I know I am ranting but I am furious that she lied and that my trust is being slowly eroded.
We are expecting baby no 2 so will be terminating her contract soon, I was getting quite dependent on her being around when baby is born for some help, but I am so annoyed that I want to finish this sooner.
What is the best way to confront her about this? I don't want to accuse her of lying but she needs to know that I am upset with her and that I am unhappy with her standards lately - without ruining what was always a good relationship and DS suffering as a result in the coming weeks.
Sorry, rant over - feel free to tear my argument apart!

OP posts:

compo · 18/05/2010 14:48

Massive generalisation there fab and not my experience at all!

looneytune · 18/05/2010 15:43

at the comment about novelty wearing off with children, I've never felt that way But this childminder doesn't sound right, even if she was ok, 'something' has changed!!

FabIsGoingToGetFit · 18/05/2010 16:07

IME. I am not talking about all child carers.

Blondeshavemorefun · 18/05/2010 16:45

Def remove your ds and now

this cm obv doesn't have the love that myself and other child carers have

all cm are meant to be ofsted registered. Hope yours is. She should be following eyfs and doing educational stuff as well as fun play

if you don't want confrontation then simply say that due to no 2 and being on ml that you can't afford her and give her notice as stated in contract

thebody · 18/05/2010 17:16

so sorry for you and ashamed on her behalf as a cm.

agree with the other posters, she is taking you for a ride so get rid asap..

please dont tar all of us cmswith the same bush although i guess that will be hard not to do...

I had 3 mindees today(8 months to 3) and we, had a picnic in the park, fed ducks, painted our day in pictures and had long story session... thats what all kids should be doing.. oh and I changed about a million nappies as well..

hugs to you

Original poster

biggest · 18/05/2010 19:42

Wish I could send him to some of you - you sound lovely! I don't want to look back on his time with her with regret, I honestly think her heart is in the right place but she has taken on too much and takes us as parents for granted now.

Anyway, will see her tomorrow and will give notice and explain my reasons honestly and calmly!

He will probably still go there a few times in the next few weeks as we can't find an alternative straight away and no family nearby but I will be MUCH more assertive about the level of care I expect every single day.

Thanks for the advice and kind words everyone

OP posts:

thebody · 18/05/2010 19:50

best of luck, I am sure your ds hasnt taken any harm in all this..

this isnt your fault or lack of parental care here.. its her lack of professionalism and respect for you and your child that has caused this problem..

let us know how you get on... good luck.x

MyBoo · 18/05/2010 23:52

OMG I could have written this myself. I understand how difficult it is to terminate the contract when you have gotten so close the the CM.

Whilst I know it is the right thing to terminate the contract, it would be helpful if you let me know how you got on as I am plucking up courage to do the same thing.

Thanks biggest.

wrinklyraisin · 19/05/2010 15:03

"I find that having a child more than a certain amount of time, the child carers loses interest as the novelty wears off, the child gets older, more independent, less compliant.."

I have found IME totally the opposite. The longer I am with a child, the more attached I get, and vice versa, and the more solid the "relationship" becomes! For example I looked after my previous charges for nearly 4 years and even almost a year after leaving them I am the only person they will speak to on the phone, and when I visit they run shrieking into my arms for hugs! SO I feel like longevity definitely INCREASES my interest in the children I care for. I would think anyone who felt otherwise should not be in the profession as surely a child carer should ALWAYS care about their charges, no matter the age or length of time they are with thm?

Millenium · 19/05/2010 15:43

I agree wholeheartedly with wrinklyraisin. Over the past few years, I have had two children that came to me around 16 weeks and stayed until they started full-time school. They become part of the family and we still exchange Christmas cards and birthday cards even though one of them is now eight but they have not been in my care for three years!

AndieWalsh · 19/05/2010 15:47

That is really, really sad. The trust has gone now, though, hasn't it? I would terminate her contract immediately.

grapeandlemon · 19/05/2010 16:03

So glad you are terminating her contract, this really does sound truly awful!

Original poster

biggest · 19/05/2010 19:07

So, ended the contract but her entire family plus mother was there so I could not go into detail. She knew I was unhappy though. Will have to find better time to make sure she knows that what she did was unacceptable. Notice given though so time to move on.

She asked me for a reference!

OP posts:

satc2bringiton · 19/05/2010 19:21

Well done, that must of been very uncomfortable but you did the right thing.

Are you going to be ok for childcare when the contract ends though?

madamebovine · 19/05/2010 19:48

Good for you - one thought about turning up without her being dressed... When was she planning to do it, and what was she planning to do with your DS whilst dressing/showering?

Just a thought...

madamebovine · 19/05/2010 19:49

Oh and what about putting it in writing on your DS's final day with a copy to OFSTED? That way it's documented, you've had your say but haven't had to get into confrontation? And explain in the letter why you do not feel you can give her a reference.

MyBoo · 19/05/2010 21:55

Well done Biggest - I envy you. I need to do the same.

Good Luck with the new arrival.

Waveawand · 31/05/2010 13:23

What happened in the end - was it sorted?

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