Was IBU? CM asking preschool about toilet matters

[Numberfour]

One of my mindees appears not to go the loo at preschool unless actively encouraged. I asked school about mindee going to loo and was told that all the children go at "toilet break".

I spoke to mum who also said that she got the impression her DS did not go at school so she gave me permission to ask school to encourage him to go.

I did so, yet again mindee comes out of school needing a wee.

So today I asked the head of the school again to encourage the child to go and she replied that she could not force the child to go. I agreed and said I understood that, but said that if he was encouraged he would go. Again she said she could not force child (at which point I clearly became irritated as a mum turned at looked at me ) so I said to head that child goes at about 7am and then if he only goes again after I collect him, then it is over 5 hours since last he went. If he was encouraged, then he WOULD go and clearly he needs to.

Was I BU in labouring the point? Is a "toilet break" for 2.6 to 5 yr olds not ridiculous? Should I just rush home to get the child to the loo at home?

and not sure if I was BU!

I have seen "toilet breaks" at the nursery the dc went to. It is basically a time when they encourage the children to go by lining them all up (usually on the way to going outside or starting some other activity) and encouraging them to visit the toilet.

The pre-school are correct. They can not force a child. A one to one situation is different. Some children will hold themselves at school whether they need to go or not.

Is this not slightly out of your remit? (genuine question not a dig) I would have thought that mindees mum could mention it if its a problem

I would ask child if they needed the loo when they came out and if they did ask to use preschool loo and go straight in and do that, if this happens a few times they may get the hint

The other thing is does the child like the toilets? DD has become incredibly fussy and only likes and uses certain toilets, for example she seems to insist on pooing whenever we visit MILs but will refuse to use some public toilets

Thanks, Islandofsodor and littleducks.

i do need some perspective here because I am not very keen on the school in the first place for various reasons.

i will drop the matter and school and deal with it myself, but will pass on to mum what happened.

I don't think that it is out of my remit, because mum and i talked about it and she asked me to mention it to the school. Also, I drop off and collect so me approaching them seemed logical.

Thanks.... I will make a point of being gentler towards the person at the front door of the school!

Definitely not out of your remit, some parents hardly ever go to the pre-school etc. so someone needs to speak up. As long as they do allow children to freely go whenever, I see no problem with toilet breaks. As long as this isn't the only time they're allowed

I agree with you Numberfour, 5 hours is such a long time not to have a wee and if your mindee is holding in this may lead to infections etc which is not good.

I would have done the same in your situation, infact have asked nursery before to encourage a mindee to use the loo (without checking with parents), I think something as fundamental as ensuring a child has a wee when needed doesn't really need parents ok first. My parents pay me to ensure the safety, health and wellbeing of their child and thats what I do.

Also a lot a parents simply don't have the opportunity to speak to the teachers as the CM's do drop and collections, unless through a letter / phone call.

I like the idea of checking if a wee is needed at pick up time IME staff tend to get the group out in double quick time as its their lunch break, if this little one keeps going back in to use the loo, you can guarantee that they will be asking mindee to go for a wee during the session.

thanks, looney and atwork.

I apologised to the person i spoke to this morning because I think I was a bit snappy with her earlier.

I also really like the idea of making a point of asking mindee if he needs to go when we leave school!

Funnily enough, mindee went twice today at school!

(atwork, I take your point about not having to ask mum, and in retrospect I need not have, but there are other issues with the school that I have previously raised with mum and I wanted her to be aware of yet another issue that was unsatisfactory, imo.)

Thanks, everyone.