Nannies - what would you expect..?

[sleepwhenidie]

Some background...I am a SAHM and in January, when DC3 arrived, we got a fantastic nanny who works mainly for a few hours every morning and again in the evening to help keep me sane, so usually we manage the DC's together. She does have some sole charge but usually of no more than 2 of the children at a time though (more frequently just one). She is paid for 35hrs a week and if she does more we pay her extra. It is her first nanny job.

We are usually away for school holidays so she gets at least 10 weeks paid holiday a year (perfectly fair, our choice to go away). During the last holiday a pregnant friend of mine was struggling with her 2 DC's. Nanny knows the family pretty well through us and I suggested that I could ask nanny if she wants to do a few hours helping my friend as she wasn't working for us that week. She did a few hours and friend paid her same hourly rate as we pay - everybody happy, friend helped and a bit of extra cash for nanny on top of her normal salary, doesn't affect my position of paying her even when she is not working, so good luck to her.

On Monday the same friend asked if I could take her to Ikea to get some furniture for baby's room (friend doesn't drive). I said fine and that I would ask nanny to have my DD and also friend's DS (same age, 23m) for a few hours to make trip easier. Nanny said no problem to this. While out, my friend asked what she should pay our nanny - my initial response was nothing, but I thought about it and then said, well, whatever you think, have a word with her.

Turns out our nanny asked her for normal hourly rate, which I thought was a bit much...I wouldn't have minded my friend paying nanny a bit extra as a thank you but doubling hourly rate in this situation seems a bit cheeky to me? It would have been different if my friend had asked nanny to look after DS, but I was the one who asked and I would have thought nanny would treat it as a playdate or at least a nanny share and split a slightly higher rate between us?

What do you think? Am I being unreasonable? If not, how do I broach it with nanny?

I wouldn't broach it with her at all. She was asked a question, she gave an answer. She's only asking for what she's been offered in the past.

If this is going to be a regular request and you feel she can't be paid this again, then discuss it with her next time you ask her. You could just ask her if she would mind looking after your friend's child and tell her that you had agreed to split the cost of a higher rate between you. She would have every right to say no but it sounds unlikely.

It's not really up to the nanny to set a rate - it's up to you as an employer. You could have told her it was a playdate, or you could have offered her a slightly higher rate, but it was up to you really.

Ok, I get that I should have probably spoken to her about it when I asked, but I honestly thought there was no need for extra payment. If your employers had asked you a similar thing, would you have expected any?

We have a friend who is a nanny and sometimes helps us out and she regularly looks after more than one family's children at a time. The children all get on and the parents are all relaxed about them being together on each other's shift as it were (it pays to be so in order to get help when you need it at short notice!). I asked her about this and she said that:

If she is booked to work for one family and another asks if she can also take their DC then she will (as long as both parents happy) and both will pay normal hourly rate.
If two mums are, say, going for lunch together and leaving their DC's with her, then she would split her normal rate between them.
If she was working for one parent and the parent asked if another child could come and join their DC she would not expect payment from 2nd child's parent (although she would be please to get a small cash in thanks) but is that usual?

Good heaven's, my nanny would never pull a stunt like that! I have had friends come over for playdates and she has supervised them while I've had a cuppa with friend. I don't over do it, and if there is a particularly difficult child I wouldn't do it again unless I did give her some sort of a 'bonus' (an early day, etc). I also wouldn't do it if we had had busy weeks and she was feeling tired, etc, so I do check with her that she feels up to it, but she doesn't say no unreasonably.

Your nanny is paid to look after 3 children, and you left her with only 2, albeit only 1 was yours. She was not doing anything 'extra' was she?

I wouldn't expect payment for having an extra child over for a few hours - but if my employer asked me how much I want to be paid for watching the other child too then I'd have probably suggested an amount.

If you'd asked your nanny "do you mind watching X's ds for a couple of hours while we go to Ikea?" then she probably wouldn't have asked to be paid extra. Asking her how much she wanted set an expectation that she would be paid.

No chitchat, she wasn't doing anything extra and friend's DC isn't difficult at all. Nanny also gets some great extra perks from us in addition to holidays. She really is lovely and I am inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt in her first job and think that maybe she didn't expect extra payment but when my friend offered just immediately thought of it as a similar arrangement to when she had helped her before, but to my mind, it's not. My friend has given me the cash to give to nanny and I do feel I should say something so that we're clear next time....

Missus, sorry, maybe I wasn't clear. I did ask nanny exactly that, it was my friend who offered some payment and I feel bad because it was my idea for her to leave her DS with our nanny, I wasn't expecting her to pay for it!

So it does sound like the nanny had no problem looking after the other child, but was offered payment for it - I don't think she did anything wrong really.

I you want the nanny to look after friend's children again in future though, it's worth setting out your expectations.

But it shows a lack of common sense on the nanny's part. Sometimes I ask extra from my nanny but I am willing to be helpful and flexible if she needs. I doubt I would be that cooperative if my nanny was that 'grabby'.

This is very similar to a situation last week (or maybe 2 weeks ago?)

I think, in this case it could have gone any way. You as an employer are within your rights to organise a playdate and not pay extra, your friend could 'tip' your nanny or pay her the extra (effectively double time). Personally I think double time is too much, time and a half would have been more reasonable. She is being recompensed for extra work, not working extra hours IYSWIM.

Worth having a clause in your contract about it and next time don't ask. The problem is you have now set a precedent that she may expect every time which I think you should nip in the bud now.

hmmm it tricky... i dont think nanny did anything wrong...

but then again i have looked after charges friends as 1) playdates and 2)because there mum couldnt (although many times this was due to childs DAD being in hospital (brain tumour) AND grandmother being in hospitla 100 miles away dieing, so given the awful situation my charges friends mum was in i wouldnt of dreamt of asking anything for helping out!)

equally in my old job (where charges are older and i sometimes be a holiday nanny) i am quite happy to have 2 charges AND a friend each (being used as the childcare for the freinds as their parents also work) so my bosses could use them as childcare on other days when i couldnt work...
I was never offered any extra money, and would not expect extra money... as far as i was concerned it meant the kids amused themselves, we were all happy, and in many ways my job was easier when they had friends round!!!!

I think the nanny is being greedy and quite cheeky. Am really amazed at some of the stories on here Do not be taken for a ride, sounds as if nanny has a very cushy number already.

When I was a nanny I would frequently look after other children if the Mum wanted to go out with a friend alone or just with the baby. I would never think of asking to be paid extra. The other family would often bring a box of chocolates or something small back for me but I always felt guilty accepting that!

From my point of view it makes less work for the nanny as the children will play with each other, which is great for their interaction/sharing skills, nanny would just be present to supervise and encourage if required.

i dont think the nanny did anything wrong as such, she was asked by your friend what to pay her and she said and your friend paid

sounds that you are miffed that you paid nanny normal rate and she got double while working for you

techinally should have charged her half rate (to the other mum) as a share so she got some extra but not double

i have in the past looked after mb friends children and been paid for it, i didnt ask but was given

yes your nanny is paid to have 3 children BUT your 3, not 3 from anywhere

tbh i prob would be a bit miffed if my mb just said can you look after abc children while she go shopping and not pay me

i work for my mb not others

but quite happy to have children round for a play date and not be paid, just company for charges

guess the difference is that if i arrange it it is a playdate and favour will be returned

where in this case the op/mb arranged it

Blondes - I'm not miffed at all that nanny got double rate. As I said, I have helped her to earn double rate in the past by suggesting my friend uses her while we are paying her for doing nothing. We also do all we can to keep nanny happy because we love her and want to keep her. She is very flexible with us and we are with her (eg this weekend we have given her two 3 day passes to a festival and given her friday evening off to get there at a reasonable time). This situation, to me, was an example of the kind of give and take we are establishing.

What I did feel uncomfortable about was my friend ending up paying full hourly rate for babysitting that was my idea, not hers...at the time it didn't occur to me that nanny should be paid extra - but then later I questioned myself about that, hence my post.

sorry i read it wrong then

your friend would have had to pay someone to look after her children so dont feel bad that she had to pay iyswim

but yes nannying is give and take on both sides

If your friend asked her what she wanted to be paid the nanny was probably put on the spot a bit though, and didn't have a chance to think it through. Asking for her normal rate may have just been the first thing that occurred to her.