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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Uhhg I had a massive barney with DP last night..

18 replies

lollipopmother · 05/05/2010 14:39

I'm a CM and have two mindees whos mum works shifts which is no problem, but she seems to only get her rota one week in advance. I've only been looking after them for two months but so far I've only had more than 1 weeks notice once. I currently do before school, after school until 22:00 and weekends for them. If they were just Mon-Fri then I wouldn't mind her only giving me a days notice, but it's the weekend shifts that are causing me and DP to row, he hates that I don't know what I'm doing and whether the house will be taken up with kids or not.

I also hate not knowing whether I can do my own thing or not, but equally I've given her a list of weekend dates that I definitely can't do but this isn't really enough as abviously life isn't always so smooth or organised and we have always been 'spur of the moment' type people, wanting to do things on the weekend that we haven't organised weeks in advance. Do you think I should be available to her every weekend seeing as I said I could do them?

Does anyone have any words of advice? I feel like I'm letting her down whenever I say I can't do a weekend, even when I'm giving her more than 4 weeks notice because I said to her at the start that I would work weekends - do you think it's unreasonable for me to then give her a load of weekends that I can't work? DP thinks that if she's not giving us any notice then we shouldn't have to give her any, but I think that is very unprofessional.

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MoneyNoPockets · 05/05/2010 14:45

Seems strange that she doesn't get her shifts more in advance.

Original poster

lollipopmother · 05/05/2010 14:48

I know. She once gave me three weeks worth in one go, but then the next lot came right at the end of the last week iyswim so there was no notice at all for that week. She says it's because the woman that does the rota has been on A/L so hasn't been doing it properly but I think it's just going to stay like this - she's a nurse, you'd think they'd give more notice wouldn't you??

OP posts:

looneytune · 05/05/2010 14:50

No advice I'm afraid as I wouldn't take this sort of work for the same reasons. I'm sure there are many others that do work shifts so hopefully someone else will be along later who can help {{{big hugs}}} though as I know only too well what it's like to argue over childminding affecting our own family

MoneyNoPockets · 05/05/2010 14:54

My sis is a ward based nurse and they get 4 wks / month at a time days/nights etc.

alarkaspree · 05/05/2010 14:54

This would drive me mad, and I don't blame your husband for being upset about it. I'm sure you never intended to be available to work weekends with just a day's notice did you?

I would tell her that you won't be available for weekends unless you have 7 days' (or whatever) notice. Then she will have more of an incentive to put pressure on whoever does her shifts to do them in a more timely manner. I'm sure they must be supposed to give her more notice than that.

4kidsandlovingit · 05/05/2010 15:02

I used to be a police officer and hubby still is and weve always known our shifts well in advance. Ive a brother in law who is in the London ambulance service and several freinds who work for various dept within the NHS. Im sure they all know their shifts in advance I`ve never come across anyone who only gets their shifts at such short notice (although I stand to be corrected). My hubby does an 18wk shift pattern which has taken some gettting used to but I cam always work out what he is on. Prior to that I work a 4 5 and 6 week patterns depending on where I was posted. Have you kept a list of shifts that you have had the children over, you may find a pattern yourself. I think it would be un reasonable for any employer to expect any parent to work out childcare at such short notice.
Maybe you need to ask on the chat forum if anyone from the NHS can help with regards to how far in advance they get their rostas.

I can see where you hubby is coming from aswell with regards to the notice. I think you need to explain to her that you have to have her dates well in advance because it is becoming unbearable for you to work in an enviroment that is open to change at any minute and you need some kind of stability for your own family.

MoneyNoPockets · 05/05/2010 15:17

Unless she is doing 'Bank' shifts.

Original poster

lollipopmother · 05/05/2010 15:20

Thank you for all your advice, I know I have to be firm with her and tell her I need X amount of notice if she wants me to work a weekend but I am really bad at this side of business and I feel like I'm letting her down whenever I give her a date that I can't work.

How many weeks notice do you think I should ask her to give me if she wants me to work a weekend? DP thinks she should give me a whole months notice and tbh I don't seem capable of having my own thoughts on this matter, I am a useless pushover, I feel horribly stuck in the middle.

4kids - I used to work for the police too and had a 4 on 4 off rolling shift pattern, I knew my shifts years in advance. I don't think that she actually has a shift pattern though, from what I can gather they just stick them wherever they want, there doesn't seem to be a pattern to it at all.

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MoneyNoPockets · 05/05/2010 15:40

Really does sound like 'bank' fill in work, i think 3wks/a month is reasonable.

thebody · 05/05/2010 17:58

I think its unreasonable and tbh if its causing rows with dp its not worth it.

cming has got to be a'family' thing and if he doesnt like the kids in the house(IYKWIM) then I would be looking around for another job... not fair on any of you...

In my area I have enquiries all of the time for spaces and I work mon to fri 8 till 5.30.. I wouldnt ever consider weekends or bank holidays...( hubbi wouldnt support that at all..) maybe you should give notice and fill with parents doing normal hours...

thebody · 05/05/2010 18:01

oh and your not a useless pushover but a nice person trying to please everybody... but it just isnt possible so I would put dp first in this...

BoysAreLikeDogs · 05/05/2010 18:04

yy I did wekend work in the past but DH was onside

It's just not worth the aggro

Try to put a professional slant on things - say 'I need to know what the hours are with plenty of notice so that I can plan activities for the child; without adequate notice your child is not going to get the very best out of my setting AND IT'LL BE YOUR FAULT' (don't say the bit in capitals)

Original poster

lollipopmother · 05/05/2010 18:26

Thebody - I know that you're right, I should always put my family first before any job and I keep saying to him that I'll cancel the contract but he says that I shouldn't. The kids are school age so they are actually getting me money where I wouldn't normally get it (ie before school and all the way up to 22:00 in the evening) so this allows me to not be full to capacity during the day to make up the money (well I wouldn't be able to make that sort of money anyway, it's a very good paying contract)

The weekend shifts don't happen that much it's just the not being able to plan anything that is the issue. The kids aren't the easiest I have to admit, they have some 'qualities' that I find less than endearing but that's kids for you! DP however finds it hard enough having other people in the house without them being on the more difficult side, I think if it was a toddler he wouldn't have such an issue

That all makes it sound like I'm purely in it for the money and tbh I mostly am, but I have to earn money if we want to pay the rent and bills you know

OP posts:

thebody · 05/05/2010 18:31

Undestand and of course you are in it for the money, why shouldnt you be..

do sympathise with you being stuck in the middle like this,, so hard..

I would get very tough with her and ask her to write down shift patterns well in advance, if she cant then threaten to give notice, bet she will then..

Danthe4th · 05/05/2010 20:34

I do this sort of work for one family and for the very reason that my dp didn't want the house full of other children I added nanny insurance to my registration and now take the children home to bed and sit at there house until mum is home. It works very well, i charge extra ie. nanny rate for nannying in their home. I also can take them home at the weekend if my own children have had enough. I tend to feed all mine and hers together at my house and then go to theirs.
Ofsted were happy for me to do this and I can carry on being self employed and just bill them as required.
If its not working out perhaps have a rethink. But I make it work for us all by the money I make at the weekend usually pays for a takeaway and a nice bottle of wine and I fill both cars up with petrol, and pay for the shopping. That way my dp can see what a difference it makes and he doesn't complain.

PinkChick · 06/05/2010 11:45

ive had a very similar prob and combined with parents thinking it was fine despite it being in our contract i MUST HAVE 2 weeks notice of hours and the fact they chose to swap and change their hours/days to suit them without letting me know till only hours before it all went t*ts up .
If not in already, amend your contract and get them to sign it to state that if they require you to work anti social hours ie: after 6pm, over nights or weekends then they MUST give you at least 7 days notice of that date (so if they want you to provide care next sat, they MUST inform you/ask you this saturday or earlier! otherwise you may have to refuse care as you will/may have already made your own family plans.

You're not being unreasonable.goo dluck i know how stressful this is

Original poster

lollipopmother · 06/05/2010 18:43

Pinkchick - I hadn't thought of putting it in the contract, I think that's a good idea and I'll definitely do that. I think really I need to know 3 weeks in advance, this gives us good time to organise things and I'd feel a lot better about it.

Danthe4th - I was only thinking yesterday that maybe I could do the weekend work at their house instead of mine then the kids wouldn't get on DPs nerves. I thought I'd be able to do it under my normal insurance though, how much does the nanny insurance cost do you remember off hand?

OP posts:

mamadoc · 06/05/2010 20:50

I'm an NHS Dr so I get my shifts for 6 months at a time. The nursing staff I work with usually have one month (4 weeks) at a time but of course if the rota gets published at the end of the month the 1st week will be only one weeks notice or less so I think her problem is genuine.
The other thing is that there are always rota gaps and bank shifts needed due to sickness etc and there is a lot of pressure put on people to do them so if she is doing bank shifts at short notice it might not just be for the money. I refuse a lot of this stuff because of not having childcare but it makes me a bit unpopular even though I'm not contracted to do the extra.

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