AP employers - when you are down to 2 or 3 who seem to fit the bill who do you choose?

[SnailWhaleTail]

I have made a table and all my 3 choices tick my boxes:all drivers, all have some experience with kids and all are gappers who want to go to university. How do you work out who to go for?

1. Will be 19 in Sept, German, has babysat for family with 5 kids, good refs from school and said family. Has police check and decent English. Mother is a 'healer' and she likes riding. Been on school exchanges. Agency fee payable

1. 19, good English, likes dancing, has babysat a range of ages, parents employed, been to lang school in Kent. From Luxembourg. AP World

1. 19, Austrian, parents employed, worked in hotel and lived away from home for 3 months as part of course, good refs, police check, likes volleyball. Has babysat and worked at playschemes.

I am leaning towards 1 but wonder whether she might be a bit horrified with us! DH is Navy, I am NHS, kids prefer chips to salad!

Any pointers on what to avoid / look out for would be helpful as I am counting the days til my current AP goes and have revised my criteria since last time to include - working mother, some further ambitions, driver and some time spent away from home. I do wonder if 18 is a bit young though?

Sigh

I would tend towards older ones and the one who has had a job before. That's just my logic though. You don't say anything about how you 'feel'. Do you have a gut feeling about any of them?

Do any of them have weird habits you know of? Can you ask them some curveball questions that get them to reveal more about their personality and the way they might fit into your family? I think your most important thing at this point is not the boxes they tick but how you get on with them.

Have you sent any of them your contract to look over? You never know, one of them may have serious objections to what you're proposing.

It's a good position to be in!

Tis true Frakkin, they might look at us and think 'bloody hell, bunch of nutters!'

I do like 1 and 2 the best but 2 has never been away from home alone which is quite a big step for anyone. Then again, there always has to be a first time, I think the real niggle with her is the much older brother and mentions of their large garden - she'll be slumming it in utter chaos here! She does reply very promptly to all emails though and seems keen so I have arranged to skype her.

1 does seem sweet and regularly looks after children and also seems keen so I'll have to go with the 'vibe'. She does know that DH is military but I wonder whether we might be not quite what she is used to. Selfishly I also wonder how easily she'll find it to make friends as all her time seems to be taken up with babysitting, studying and volunteering at an old people's home rather than doing much in the way of social activities.

Good point about the contract, I will update it and send it out for consideration.

BTW what do you ask by way of housework? it is not my current girls forte so I'd like to be very prescriptive without being OTT with the newcomers.

TIA

I'd go for the one who's most like you/your family personality wise. If you're very active and outdoorsy and they're quite sedentary, it may start to wind you up. Similarly if you very sociable, outgoing types and she's shy and retiring, she might feel overwhelmed (or vice-versa). Are they meat eaters/vegetarian/a health nut/religious etc.

Talk to them all,that helps the decision process. Also the most eager ones are great as APworld girls tend to fizzle away after a few emails.So if they keep in swift contact its a plus point.

I don't actually have an au pair- I come from the other side of the table!

My advice would be to make a list of what you want them to do - daily and weekly - and use that as part of your consideration process too. Anything you would expect your 18 yo daughter to do is fine, plus clearning up after the kids when they make a mess and themselves. Light dusting, hoovering, washing up, transferring laundry from machine to line or dryer, maybe some ironing, cooking a family meal occasionally - post what you need and we'll tell you if it's reasonable If one of them turns her nose up at housework then she's not a good fit for you IYSWIM...

Ask to speak to the unsociable one's mother and see whether she's the type to make friends. Phrase it as 'you're worried she'll be lonely, does she make friends easily?' and you'll look concerned for her welfare rather than nosy/critical. In fact, speak to the other one's as well and talk about your concerns. They know their daughters best and even if they want them to do well will have their best interests at heart too. If they were older then parental views might not be so important! Or if you're not comfortable talking to the parent maybe e-mailing their english teacher at school?

I get the kids to do an interview. If you can hold a conversation fro 10 mins over the phone with a small child in a foreign language you definitely have some of the qualities of being a good AP.

I'd love to hear DS2 entertain some poor girl with tales of his recent successes with potty training! 'Did a wee ana poo, not pats clean vottom'. I do take your point though diom.

Re housework I was thinking hoover downstairs once a week, hoover upstairs once a week, sweep floor under table every day as DS2 can drop bits of cereal etc, mop kitchen and bathroom floor once a week and wipe around bath and sink (not loo). I also want her to damp dust the childrens room once a week and supervise them tidying at the end of the day. Oh and take clean kids washing out of machine and hang on line.

This is what my current AP did when she started and is in the contract but it has dropped off to 10mins hoovering living room once a week and hanging kids washing out.

Am I asking too much?

I would take up verbal references and then go with the best ones and the ones who have enjoyed and spent time with children before. Any one can do a half decent job at cleaning but keeping my kids in line and entertained now thats a skill

Tell them cleaning accounts for an hour a day.Most aupairs are happy with that.I find that cleaning tends to tail off so i leave a check list for the wk.But if the sun is shining then i tell them do a quick 20min tidy and get outside with the kids.
Also if its an hour a day you can use it for whatever, but very difficult to get them to do more if you tell them its an hour a week.

i dont know whether this works the same with other people, but i tend to lead a bit of a different life when in the uk working for a family as opposed to my student life at home. at home i rarely disappear for the day/weekend to explore/go for a trip, dont go out in the evenings (as i 've got uni stuff to do). i tend to eat different stuff and at different times then at home. wouldnt involve myself in volunteering (not very common in my country anyway). my point is - even if you find out as much as possible about the person, she might behave in a different way once with you then she does at home.

I would narrow down based on references. I would want to speak to the referees over the phone. Always end with the killer question: would you hire them again? There should not be any hint of hesitation or evasion.

I would discount family references. They should be arms length employers, preferably aupair employers so they know the person not just as an employee but also as someone who lives with them. In fact I use past aupair experience as a screening tool.

So check out the references in which the person worked in as close a capacity to your aupair role as possible eg babysitting.

Be very honest about the amount of housework and the downsides of the job. I lay out the good and bad and give them a detailed timetable. They will fall away if not interested.

No 3 for me, No brainer. I would always go for one who has already stood on her own two feet.

I agree with Squiffy. Am interested to hear why she's in third place! Tell please .

Living away from home is not foolproof. The worst aupair I ever had (still shudder) lived away from home on her own for 3 months.