Does my toddler need to mix with more children?

[BrandyAlexander]

We have a nanny looking after DD (15 months), who is very energetic and can't sit still for a moment! DD has does a different type of activity every weekday morning and in the afternoon nanny and DD play at home. She has a play date one afternoon a week. My nanny has said a couple of times now that DD needs to mix with more children so she would like to take her to a parent and toddler group.

I think that DD meets a lot of different children through her activities, and at that age babies/young toddlers dont really play with each other so that I think my nanny more wants to do this for herself than for DD. That's probably fine (just wish she would be more open about it!), but wondered whether other toddlers of the same age go to as many activities, have a regular playdate and go to a playgroup as well? Thanks! NOTD.

I think going out every morning is reasonable, but I've never gone to both morning and afternoon groups on the same day. To be honest I think they need one on one time, playing at home and time to be themselves in a quieter environment.

You could suggest different activities for the afternoons: I do a combination of walks, swing park, swimming, painting, playdough/other crafts, reading, jigsaws etc. There are loads of garden games your nanny could play with your daughter too in the nicer weather. I think that being inside all day is fine for winter but there are so many other things to do in summer.

A playdate once a week is fine, but more often than that (unless they are really good friends and really do play nicely) I think is a bit over-social.

I used to do something every day with a toddler that age - toddler group, softplay, library rhyme time, coffee morning, playdate, swimming, park, activities at home. Often go to a group or activity in the morning, then playdates at home or in the park in the afternoons.

At that age my daughter did bugger all, frankly. She pootled about at home with me, went to playgroup about two days a month on average (didn't much like any of the other kids, tbh) and maybe met up with other mothers and babies once a month. She also had three days a week when I was at work so seeing different people then. She was and is fine and is perfectly sociable now she is three. If your DD is doing five activities a week and also a playdate, she is IMVHO doing more than enough mixing with other kids. If I were you, I'd swap a couple of the activities for the playgroup if it will keep the nanny happy. I can see that a playgroup might be more fun for her than an activity where she can't let your daughter have free rein a bit more, IYSWIM. Do you think maybe she's a bit fed up of the activities or doesn't much like some of them?

Would agree with Horton!

I think if the nanny would like to, then why not. But as Horton says, I am absolutely sure that for your DD this is not necessary! I think there is too much emphasis on toddlers socialising with each other nowadays. Often they get absolutely zilch out of it a)because they play alongside rather than 'with' and b) because they are all at the same, egotistical, self centred stage of development!

Often kids this age love being with older kids because the older kids will often nurture them a bit and entertain them.

I'd always go for a wider social circle but not necessarily a greater quantity of socialising, if that makes sense.

But it does sound a bit as if the nanny may get a chat and cup of tea out of it - she may be feeling the need for adult conversation?

What sort of activity does your DD already do?

I thnk toddler groups are actually fairly important - not a focused music group or similar - and the younger they're introduced the better children adapt to playing with other children/fighting for toys. It's a nice chance to play with children of different ages in an unstructured sort of way. So I don't think DD needs more socialising but possibly different types?

Agree that being with older children can be good. 2.5yr old I care for was interacting lots yesterday with a 14month old, showing him how to collect sticks, bark, bang trees with a stick, climb the ramp for the slide etc. Both children were getting along great and entertaining each other with no adult interferance at all - adults watched from a short distance, no intervention was needed, children were happy playing with each other.

Nannies need company of other adults, it can get very lonely being a nanny. Maybe your nanny is wanting to meet other adults - if so that isn't a bad thing.

When you say your DD does an activity every morning, what sort of activity is that? Is it child led, is it flexible such that as your DD gets older and decides she wants to do something else, then the activity can be dropped and replaced with something else?

I agree with frakkinnuts that free-play toddler groups are often much better than classes at this age.

And although toddlers may not do much interactive game playing with each other at this age, just being around other children is interesting and entertaining for them. Plus going to a range of different places with different toys and activities on offer is just as stimulating as the "socialising" aspect.

It also depends on the personality of the child, even at this young age. Some are homebodies, and some love to be out and about in the world. My last little charge would be miserable if we spent a whole day at home, she'd fetch her shoes and stand hopefully at the door!

at 15 months all my girls just pottered around at home with me

I could start to feel like I've let them down in some way form all the posts I read about 'taking them to an organised group at least once a day' if I didn't realise it wasn't neccessary in any way at all and actually probably a bit too much for such a little dot that just needs stimulation and hugs

It's all dependent on the individual child and adult though isn't it? There are no hard and fast rules about what a child "needs" really.

took both ds to toddler groups in the morning from when they were about 3 months old. in the afternoon we would be at home or go to the park or swim or shop. it got me out of the house and i was able to make lots of friends

Thanks for the responses everyone. In reponse to the various questions.... DD goes to a mixture of swimming, music, soft play and library rhyme time activities. I started doing them with her when I was on maternity leave mainly as it got me out of the house, I met new people and DD and I had fun together. Nanny now does most of the activities with her as I have returned to work. The activities are flexible in that as she has grown over the last year, the activities has changed so that it is "age appropriate" ie so its a different music class now at the same place now that she walks/runs around compared to when we first started.

As I said, I think Nanny wants to do the extra play group in the afternoon (not replace what they already do in the mornings)probably more for adult company but the way she phrased it when she brought it up with me at handover on Friday was enough to put a doubt in my mind that somehow DD was missing out, so thanks for giving me perspective! As someone else put it, I didn't do all/any of these activities either as a toddler and I turned out just fine!

I have a nanny for my 15 month old DD as well. They do an activity most days, or just go out for a walk the other days. They normally go to toddler group twice a week, and both seem to enjoy it. I like DD to see and interact with children of different ages, and to be honsest music class etc is a bit of a nightmare now she is on the move. Why not let her try and it and see how it goes.