Should I give a mediocre nanny the reference she deserves?

[sfg]

A former nanny of mine left us to go on maternity leave. I know she's about to start looking for another job and I'm dreading giving her a reference. The written reference is fine, she did some things well, so I can talk about those and not mention the rest, but if somone phones and asks would I employ her again? the truthful answer is No Way.

What should I say to be fair to both the nanny and the prospective employer?

bum. I only pressed "post" once - how did that happen?

Please be frank. I was on the verge of offering a nanny a job. She had a glowing reference from her last employer, but I thought I would ring anyway, and was told she was a nightmare and not, under any circs to give her a job, esp if it was live-in!

Was told she was lazy, a spiteful gossip and "an unpleasant presence around the house" as she was very moody.

Previous employer said she felt pressured into putting something positive on paper...

wow. loads of feedback, thanks

There are two issues to do with the nanny and one to do with me -she was the first nanny I employed, and my views about her have been strengthened by the other forms of childcare I have used since she left.

She is experienced, so knows the answers to give at interviews and presents herself as a great nanny when at heart she knows she's not. Second, she's not a great nanny because basically she's lazy. So on a rainy day she walks round shopping centres pushing the buggy - bad. She'd rather spend mealtimes on her mobile than spooning food in to babies' mouths, so they learn to feed themselves sooner than anyone else their own age - actually quite good.

Not bad enough to fire, but I wouldn't employ her again.

sorry wouldyou, didn't mean to ignore your questions - with us for 14 months live out before she went on maternity leave - lied at interview about her pregnancy plans (we didn't ask but she fibbed anyway, as she later told us) so feel a bit taken for a ride, but basically she was not as she advertised herself to be- quite possibly some sour grapes here

I'd be brutally honest on the phone. I was about my evil nanny who applied for another job (before I'd sacked her). Even though it would have made my life easier if she had walked, I wouldn't have wanted anyone else's kids to have suffered what mine did.

18 months on, we are still not quite rid of her -the police came round looking for her yesterday as she is now here illegally and they want to deport her.

sfg, I would second what's been suggested here. Do a list. Then think of some phrases that you would be happy to say. We had a similar "mediocre" experience (mainly she was trustworthy but not very stimulating, and she fell out with dh), but the next family had different concerns, which our nanny was fine on. That made it easier on the phone. So for example your nanny might (possibly) be good with older children but not babies for example. Also some people are more choosy than others. Our fantasic second nanny is still looking for a permanent position a year after she left us (mainly because she is too choosy!)

You do need to be careful not to say anything defamatory, but you can say she seemed to have an active social life, or she appeared to enjoy shopping a lot, things which you hope might ring alarm bells if that that area matters to the new employer.

On the "would you employ her" question, try "we are not in a position to require that sort of care at the moment", in a very neutral voice.

Good luck - and you never know your written reference may put them off anyway!

don't forget though if you do get caught giving negative comments you can i think get in trouble, highly unlikely but a bit risky, say she gets someone she knows to try and catch you out, a bit sneaky actually very sneaky but not impossible.

I may be wrong but i think you need to be careful but by saying no comment to a direct answer the prospective employee will get the picture

It's not illegal to write a bad reference, only an untrue one.

Nannyjo - get a grip - you are not all perfect though you might think you are

sooorrryyy! i did say i think that doesn't mean i know. check with acas. i'm still not sure though i always thought you had to just refuse to comment

as an aside - are we supposed to say "she/he was absolutely perfect, they will do...., this... and the other so you should employ them

Mish mash where di that come from i was trying to help sfg not say ANYTHING about myself!

Sorry Nannyjo - didn't mean it to sound like that

oh ok. i did take that not very well cos i was trying to help. i know an employer who was caught by an ex nanny she had before me.

Be very careful about saying anything not good, my mil has just had problems writing a not so glowing (but truthfull) ref of one of her employees. In extreme cases if it is written down you can be done for slander. Makes a bit of a mockery of the whole reference thing, but you have to protect yourself.

Thank you. Did you read that Hunker Munker?

Eh, NannyJo?! I hadn't even read your post when I replied! Please don't get shirty with me.

You do have to be careful, of course you do, but if you only write things that are factually accurate, I can't see how you can get into trouble for giving a not so good reference.

I hired a nanny in the past and called her former employers and was happy that my top 2 candidates employers gave me a fair overview of their strenghts and weaknesses like '"great with kids, terrible cook and terrible at cleaning up" the other candidate was also rated as great wtih kids but told kids jokes parent felt inappropriate for their age and occasionally called in sick without notice leaving employer in the lurch), but despite above would hire her again as she did a great job with her kids overall. This was so helpful and enabled me to pick the one best suited to me and my family. Just be clear on her good points but also clear on what you didn't like.