CM not doing much with my son,,,,

[Theresnoplacelikehome]

Just wanted ti get your opinions on this.

My son goes to a lovely CM, and has been with her for about 6 months. This is the first school holidays he has been to her for whole days 9-5 ish, usually it's just after school twice a week.

He has pretty much been left to get on and play toys with her older son who is 8. She has (didn't at the time we signed contracts with her) now got 3 little ones too - so I think her time is taken up with them. I thought CM's did planned activities - I was expecting gardening, cooking, crafts, music games etc - but it's like she has my son over as a play date. A rather expensive £5.50 an hour playdate! I know the weather hasn't been great but he's been there 3 full days in the last 2 wks and they haven't been out of the house, except in the garden. Again, I assumed daily walks/park/shopping trips.

I think I begrudge paying her just for her to send my son upstairs with hers to play for the whole day - I feel she should be doing stuff with them rather than just entertaining the babies. I know I should have discussed it before I signed contracts but she is our first CM and from what I read from all you lot on here I just assumed that was the way they all worked. Guess not.

So, any advice on what I should say to her?

Whats your DS do during the week after school, does he do stuff then? Is DS happy playing with his new friend or is he bored?

Most CM's do have stuff planned especially during holdiday club time, we tend to do a day in a day out on a trip so for eg we did picnick at the river, walk in the forest so far this wk, but when I say day in mindees have access to garden, sandpit, water play, gardening, ride on toys etc, and we also go to the park so really lots of outside stuff as well as the usual paint, glue, clay etc.

9 - 5 is a long time to be stuck inside I would go bonkers. If you are happy with your CM in all other ways how about brightly saying (net time you drop DS off) What have you got planned for today? or perhaps suggest something. CM may take the hint failing that You will have to have a chat about it.

Ask what her plans are for next week, so you can make sure he has appropriate clothing. I am a CM and sometimes the older children just want to 'hang out', but I can always see them and involve them in individual and group activities. I also don't want to spend all my time in the house, so we get out an about.

Depending on the sizes of the little ones though I can imagine it may not be an easy feat to get them and two others out of the house. I'm quailing at the very thought, but perhaps that's why I'm not a CM!

I do agree though that some activities should be on offer. Even if practicalities mean that they're a bit housebound, there is plenty they could be doing that could ensure your DS is not only getting valuable free play time but also something a bit more structured and productive.

I think if it were me I would tell her that your DS has been looking forward to next week and asking what activities they will be doing. Tell her he likes to know in advance - lots of kids do like to know what's going to happen.

And perhaps suggest something that your DS is really into. Just say 'DS has asked to do baking next week, would you like me to send anything in with him?"

Are you sure that's what's happening, though? I look after a mix of under 5s and after-school children and one of the after-school children is very good at telling his mum that he didn't do anything today.

What he actually means is that he didn't want to join in with any of the activities the rest were doing because he was having too good a time dressing up, playing with the trainset or whatever in the playroom.

I think he has enough of structured activities at school and likes to do his own thing when he's with me.
I have tried asking him what he'd like to do and he says "Watch TV"!

good point Tanith

My DS often does 'nothing' at school which I imagine would break his hard-working Teacher's heart if he heard it, given all the work and preparation that goes into giving the kids a rich and varied day!!!!

CirrhosisByTheSea has phrased it perfectly.

Would share your concerns, having used an excellent nursery, an excellent temporary CM who did loads with DS after school and our current one. DS goes to current CM before and after school and therefore I am happy enough for him to chill out and just play. I might wish he did more (apart from when Ofsted are due!) but she's very reassuring and practical and we attribute much of his ease about going to school down to her. However, given your ds is there all day, then yes, there ought to be activities planned for him.

Noplacelikehome - how do you know your son is not doing these things?
(Not being funny or anything just asking a question) - ask my 5 /9// 12 year old sons what they done at school - apparently they done nothing - every single day!!! Ask my 5yr old what he done at his CM's - again apparently nothing!! I have tried asking open questions that are met with a shrug or a blank look (from all three). A few days later I might just get a bit of information if I am lucky. If I didn't know my minder extremely well and seen photos/learning journals etc then I might just think he is plonked in a cupboard and let out just before pick up!

As a minder myself, I am all too aware of parent walks in all bright and breezy and says hi, what have you been doing today, to be greeted with 'oh nothing'. Even when they have an array of crafts, cakes, paintings, displays in their hand or just behind them on the wall! lol

Yes minders do planning but you cannot make a child join in. Older children tend to do what they want and to a certain extent you 'go along' with their idea of play. If a minder is caring for a range of children (age/ability) then the planning should incorporate everyone/interests.
My planning carries a disclaimer that it may be abandoned at short notice to follow a childs interests! lol

I would say speak to your minder and voice your concerns - see if she (he?) keeps a scrapbook or if they do displays of crafts, paintings etc

Thanks for all your points.

He has never come home with a piece of art, something he's made, painting, cooking etc - nothing! She doesn't keep journals for the over 5's and I have never seen photos or scrapbooks either. He's 6, so not really old enough to just want to "hang out". #

I do appreciate trying to get out for the day with 3 under 5's a 6 yr old and an 8 yr old - but to be perfectly blunt, that's not my problem is it? When we signed contracts with her she said she only had over 5's and 1 baby twice a week, now she has 3 babies full time. It was one thing we were careful about, we wanted someone who wasn't speanding the majrity of their time caring for the little ones and who could provide activities and attention to my son.

Going to call her tomorrow and try and talk about it.

Thanks again!

Oh dear, I really do have to speak to her, but I just haven't done so yet. Going to give her a call tomorrow and

A 6 year year old's day in my setting yesterday -
morning - soft play
afternoon - football in the garden with my DH and chalking targets on the drive and garage wall. Assorted other chat and activities.
No craft work to take home and he told his Dad he had just played with the babies all day!

Maybe she is doing nothing and he is on an expensive play date, but maybe she has loads of activities on the go and he is either not taking part, or not telling you. We always have little ones around the school children and they all get equal amounts of our time and energy.

You need to have a chat with her, so you know. Also have a think about whether your DS is safe and happy and whether you want this to be a break from school, or an extension to his learning?

I'd ask if she can keep a journal for him and use that as a lead in to the broader conversation. Offer to make something up yourself if she feels that her template isn't appropriate for a 6 year old.

this is exactly why when i used to childmind full time everyone under 11 used to get a daily sheet with what they had had to eat i provided all meals also i used to write a quick bit about what they had done during the day and also what had been offered for them to do. This way parents could see the activities were there even if their child didnt take part. Some parents used to look surprised that they were getting a sheet for a 10 year old but i used to explain that i hadnt spent hours planning activities only to hear the children say nothing when they were asked what they had done! Maybe you could ask for something similar though tbf you will probably find that he is just playing with her son all day and having a whale of a time with the 'big boy' away from the babies!