Nanny shares - is 5 months too big an age gap?

[Gangle]

Thinking of sharing a nanny for another family for DS2 when he is 9 months. Their child will be nearly 5 months younger than DS2 and a couple of friends have commented that the age gap will mean that the share won't really work and that DS2 will be disadvantaged - one friend put it as "you always learn at the pace of the slowest" Any thoughts?

sounds like complete rubbish to me. a good nanny will be able to provide a stable, loving, stimulating environment for both. Worrying about the "pace" of "learning" at that age is, tbh, really quite odd. If you have a good gut feel about the other family and think you will want a similar sort of nanny I think that's much more important and you can put your friends' comments to one side

What a load of tosh! How do they suppose families function where children are very close together in age? Is an 18-month old going to be disadvantaged by having a 3 month-old sibling?

utter rubbish IMO. Our nannyshare with girl aged 10 months older than ds was a triumph for 3.5 years.

I always wonder where people get these 'friends'...

You have some spectacularly stupid friends! Do they think nursery groups and school classes are arranged so children only associate with others born within a few weeks of each other?

It sounds like a great arrangement.

Are your friends actually speaking from experience or is this just their general opinion?

I'm a nanny with own child. I currently look after a wonderful little 16mth old and my own baby is 11mths old. Exactly 5mth age gap and I don't find it difficult at all. Neither do the children. They absolutely adore each other.....always havin great fun in the double buggy, at playgroups,the park, playdates etc.

I treat each child with equal attention, love and care, regardless of age or whether they are my own child or not.

Providing you find an experienced/qualified/dedicated nanny (or a new inexperienced nanny who is willing to gain all this)- you will feel at ease, especially once you see your child is happy and well cared for!

Good luck in whatever you decide, just don't let people put you off!

I see what your friends are saying but the problems aren't insurmountable. Children a little apart are more dificult than twins because they are still developmentally very different (but not as much as most siblings so you don't automatically compensate as much) and some activities will need to be babyproofed a little or, in the case of classes with age limits, become inaccessible. Things like food could be something to consider - it's unlikely the 2 will be eating the same when they're very young. They'll just be a stage wrong for each other most of the time for a couple of years in a lot of things.

It's not really comparable to twins or siblings but an experienced nanny, probably someone who has also worked in a nursery and is used to dealing with children close in age or who has done a similar share, would be more than capable of coping, compensating for the disadvantages and making it a positive experience.

Having done it it's not an age gap I would actively choose again I think, as they're so similar yet so different, and it's very challenging but that's merely my personal preference.

I think there was another thread a while ago about a 6 month gap. Maybe look that one out?

Just thought- the babies will be fairly small, I did 18mo and 2yo so maybe it's easier when they're smaller? But if it's a long term arrangement maybe they'll be used to each other by that time and it'll be easier anyway?!

Okay, I clearly have nothing helpful to say!

As a CM, I usually have 5/6 month gaps between my mindees (at the moment 16m, 2.1y ans 3)

If anything I find the older one 'pulls' the younger one on rather than the other way around. I love having this sort of gap, it usually works better than any other.

For how long do you plan to employ this nanny? 5 months will not be a big age gap for very long. So, unless this is a short term contract (i.e. summer help) I think both of these little people will grow and change so fast it really won't matter.

If they were in a baby room at a nursery, the age range of children would be at least 6 months to 12 months, maybe more.

i look after a 7 1/2 month ols my own 2 yr old and 5 yr olds and 6 yr old, if anyhting the younger ones are pulled forwars quicker by the older ones.

I don't think it's a stupid observation to make. Things like meals do count. We have previously shared with this family for DS1 and took it in turns to prepare meals - if we did this again obviously this impacts as there are certain things a 6 month old can't eat that a 10/11 month old can. I would also be less worried is DS2 was the younger baby - as he'll be the older child I'm worried that the set up is less stimulating than he'll need. Yes, of course families have siblings of all ages but if you're paying a lot for childcare you would try to address these issues.

We are in a share. THe oldest children (reception age) are four months apart, the youngest (oneish) are five and a half. With the younger ones, after about ten months there is not much difference, we found. I don't think it's a deal breaker to be honest if everything else about the share looks attractive.

LOL, yes, stupid friends you have!! I thought you'd made a mistake in the title and meant 'years' not months!

I'm a childminder with LOTS of toddlers on my books and all of these are under 3, several just months apart. It doesn't matter which of these mix, they all get on very well and they learn a lot from each other. When I started back after ds2 was born, I had the following ages at the same time and it was perfectly fine:

10 wks
8 months
17 months
18 months
4 years
5 years

You wouldn't believe how much ALL of them got from each other and still do. These children are now:

1.9 yrs
2.3 yrs
3.0 yrs
3.1 yrs
6 yrs
7 yrs
(with extra children in between, mainly around 1/2 years old)

They CONTINUE to get lots from each other. Whatever the mix I have now, it never ceases to amaze me how well they all get on, I love watching them all interact and the youngest are so good with their speach, communication etc etc. as they feed off each other and the younger ones learn a lot from the older ones.

Sorry, I've gone off on one there , I( just can't believe they have commented on a 5 month gap!!!

the following mix very regularly:

Ignore last line, not sure where that came from!!

I dont think it will be a problem at all. Lots of kids are further than 5 months apart in developement anyway, they dont develope by the book.

Sorry, that made no sense. I mean 'A lot of kids who are exactly the same age can be 5 or more months apart in developement anyway'

my son of 20 months is in a share with a boy five months older (since they were 13/18 months). I imagine my guy probably gets more of the benefit, but they are the best of friends and seem to be very similar with most of their development.

This is the kind of thing that seems important when they are tiny but will quickly cease to matter.