Help - Advice on childminders and play dates needed!

[Piequeen]

Hi there, I have a question and was hoping to get some views from other mums and childminders.

I've just started sending my 7-month old daughter for a couple of days each week to a local childminder who seems great.

The childminder has two children of her own (2 and 4) and has said that she would like to set up some playdates, mainly to benefit her own children.

There are a number of set ups for these playdates: children coming over (in some cases accompanied by their parents and in some cases not) and also the childminder visiting other children in their own homes.

I am a little wary about all this. I'm not sure what worries me most: other children coming over unaccompanied, other adults being around my daughter or my daughter being in a different environment.

Does anyone have any thoughts or advice?

Sounds like a normal part of CM to me.

CM can be extremely lonely and your CM needs to build a network of friends for both her and the children.

The children in my care do a variety of things each week, we often go to toddler groups, the park, on days out, have other CM/friends over to play etc, it's all very good for the childrens social skills and imo important for us all to have friends.

Having said all that, I would always ensure that the playdates are just that and not coffee mornings where the little ones get ignored.

I suggest you discuss with your CM but to be honest if a mum said to me that we couldn't do the things we do I would be rather unhappy about it and if parents couldn't be persuaded it was a good thing I would seriously consider giving notice.

She couldn't have unaccompanied children coming over for playdates as they would have to be in her numbers, maybe she isn't aware of this?

She could have them unaccompanied, depending upon their ages. She must of course operate within her numbers at all times. Accompanied children do not count in her numbers.

ARe these people coming over minders? Is she visiting other minders? or are they just other parents.

I do occasionally have friends and their children here (as opposed to minder-friends and their children), we do meet ups and play dates in and out of the home.

The minder cannot leave your child with anyone else unsupervised unless its an emergency. I am guessing if these aren't minder-friends she is seeing/visiting/inviting then none of them will be CRB'd in that respect.

Try to think of it as building social skills for your child.

Your childminder will need to do Risk Assessments for any outings or visits that she does (which should include how she'll meet the needs of the children in her care), so you could ask her for a copy of those for visits to friends' houses (she may not have done one yet, which would prompt her to think about the visit in a more professional way) - even if she has to get back to you with one, it may reassure you that she takes your DD's care seriously. You could also ask her about how she will ensure that your DD is not left alone with people who have not had CRB checks. Or how she will ensure that the older children do not trample her - if you can think of a tactful way to phrase it (maybe ask if she will have met them beforehand so she knows they aren't too boisterous around babies?).

Did you discuss with your CM what activities she was likely to do? And other than her 'seeming great' was part of the attraction that she had her own children, so your LO would learn from them and be like part of her family? If so, then playdates would be an appropriate part of this. At 7 months, your DD will most likely enjoy the stimulation of having other children around and as long as she's fed/clean and sleeping well you shouldn't have too much to worry about.

I'd second what other people have said though about CMing being lonely and visiting friends/toddler groups/getting out and about is an essential part of it, or you'd go mad being stuck in the house all day!

1 last thing, I send my mindee's parents picture/text messages during the day so they can see what we're doing, you could ask that she does this so you'd get that reassurance?

Sorry have rambled on here... just eaten a huuuuge muffin (while DS napping) and am on a sugar rush!

Thanks to everyone for their advice, which has really helped me get a handle on this.

My CM did this and it was brilliant - meant DD knew everyone in the village and she loved it! CM was very responsible about it - i.e. didn't got to one family who had an unfenced pond so maybe if your worried you could talk to her a bit about this. There are definate positives, particularly as your DD gets older.