Is my CM taking the p?

[andnothappy]

Ok I have namechanged for this just in case my CM is a MNer!

I have with my CM for over 2 years and DD is 3. On a Friday my DD is the only mindee. They sometimes go to palygroup or another CM house where the kids can play together. Other times they go to the local Retail Park to get stuff or even Tesco's for her weekly shop. I do not have a major problem with this, although all my friends think this is outrageous as I am paying her to go shopping. Well I just suck it up as that is the difference between a CM and nursery - a CM does more home orientated things, and anyway DD is finishing on fridays soon to go to School Nursery.

My main bugbear and the point of this question, is that over the past 3-4 months she has asked for an early finish on a Friday, due to hairdressers appointment, going away for the weekend, you get the picture - she sees that having only one child means that is the easiest day to get an early start to the weekend, or get all her messages done. Now I have been quite flexible with these requests but it is getting worse as they seem to be occuring every other week now. I do not get a reduction in my daily fee for this.

My DH thinks I am making a big fuss over nothing, but am I? She does not offer to have DD for an extra hour another night to make up for this - I reckon she must owe me over a days fee over the past 6 months! The money side of it is not an issue really.

So now she has asked if DD can be picked up early tomorrow as her DH is off work, her kids finish school at 12, and she will have to work until 3.30pm. They are planning on going away for the weekend.

I have said, no I cannot get her earlier. I did say that with enough notice I could have arranged for her to be picked up if she wanted the afternoon off, but that I expected that I wouldnt have been paying her for the afternoon!

So what would you do - is this usual or is it a bit too much? I cant just finish early on a whim, and I know CM must be a hard demanding job, but.....

Ooops that was a bit long!

Yes I think she is taking the P!

Occasionally is fine, but regularly would start to grate on me.

If she wants Friday pm off then she should make it official.

Taking the piss yes. Don't silently seethe about it though, make an appointment to talk about it with her.

I wouldn't worry at all about the shopping thing, but yes, finishing early should always be agreed in advance, and you should at least have the right to a reduction in fees and/or to say no (check your contract for exact terms, though). It's one of those things where if you are flexible for a while the cm is probably assuming that it's OK. So you need to reassert how you want things to work.

I think I'd say something .. even if along the lines of "I've noticed you've been needing early pick up a lot on a Friday - if this is going to be something that happens regularly, we need to come up with a way of making it work."

Up to you as to what is/isn't OK. Are you happy with early pick up if you a) get a refund b) get at least 2 weeks notice? Or is it really only something that is viable in emergencies/unusual circs?

I had something similar with my (then) cm a while ago - I'm SE and so she assumed I could always be flexible. The first few times I could be ... but I had to make it clear that actually, it wasn't going to work always. Conversation went well, and she totally understood

Her behaviour is telling you she doesn't want to work Friday afternoons.

You have a few choices I think. You could let this continue, possibly indefinitely, causes potential bad feeling on both sides.

You could meet with her and be upfront and say that it appears she would prefer not to work on a Friday p.m. and would she like to make this official. (this is what I would do probably)

fwiw my cm doesn't work Fridays officially at all, but is happy to be asked on odd occasions if she can cover in an emergency etc. We all know where we stand. On the odd occasion I do ask her I make it "easy" for her to say no, as I know she is doing a favour.

Thanks for all your replies - I think a conversation is needed. I do work until 3 on a Friday and then do the school run and then collect DD. My contract is until 4pm and I usually get there about 10 mins earlier than that - which depends upon how quick my older DD (Y4) gets out of school!

It is starting to grate as there always seems to be something that crops up at least every other week on other days as well. But then I have been getting wise to that and have started to ask her to keep DD for an additional 15 minutes one of these days that I know she has other mindees until 5.30pm. My contract is from 7.45 to 4pm and we never arrive earlier than 8am. I guess it will all even out by the summer and then she will be off to school nursery 5 days a week.

I pay hourly for my CM so if she was consistently reducing her hours then I would assume that my monthly invoice would be reduced accordingly and would query it if it wasn't.

I have occasionally (very occasionally) asked parents to pick up early, or drop off late, but they have always had the money refunded (my contracts state they do not pay when I'm unavailable). Check your contract and definitely have a chat with your CM to see if there is a problem.

Shopping thing wouldn't bother me at all.

Definitely ask her if she just can't work on fri afternoons.

It must be hard on you having to arrange for this as well, find someone to collect, leave work early...etc.

And certainly she should not expect to be paid.

Your CM probably thinks you are brilliant and super understanding and probably loves you to bits for it - on the other hand she may just be taking the mickey. Is it a two way thing? Does she ever go out of her way for you?

Either way, you are not happy with it so I'd advise you make an appointment and have a chat with her about it, just tell her it's becoming too much. You say the money side of it doesn't bother you yet this issue is raised showing that it clearly does bother you even if it's at a subconscious level...

I'm a CM and if, for any reason, I cannot work I always refund the parent for that time. I think most of us would do the same (maybe not for ten or twenty minutes, but an hour or more certainly.)

Hope it goes well x

I too am a Childminder, as oncein abluemoon says she probley thinks you great,
I always try to give adequate notice if I need to take time off, I also dont get paid when I take time off.

IMO I think, she is taking the mick.

yes. she is taking the piss. and quite honestly its clear she doesnt want to work fridays. shopping is not a stimulating activity for a child, esp repeatedly.

I agree about the shopping too. I personally don't do proper shopping when I have mindees (in fact I don't at all - I do it online ). The only time I take mindees is if we're buying special craft items or we buy a bit of fruit/veg and look at colours and count as we put them in the bag. Tbh though, I've only done this a few times in 5 years of childminding as I can think of many different ways for them to learn about that (plus we learn about veg through the allotment!). I do, however, have a very good childminding friend who does this weekly but the parents all know and are fine with it and tbh, they gain so much from everything else she has to offer (you should see her place - pigs, chickens, cockrels etc) and she's in the most amazing location.

The shopping thing alone wouldn't bother me if the children were happy and it wasn't too much but the rest of it is not on and I just can't believe she's not refunded you!!!!

If the cm is interacting with the dc while shopping then I don't see a problem with it at all... it's a real life experience and my ds would love to do that. He loves going with me and it's highly interactive and he learns a lot too - about numbers, colours, foods...etc.

If she's ignoring the dc then it would be a problem.... but I don't know any cms who would do that... I certainly wouldn't send my own ds to them, anyway.

StarE - I take back what I put, I just wouldn't do it personally but that's more to do with how many of the ages I have and I just hate shops If I just had a couple of them then they'd love it I'm sure. I'm thinking back to years ago when we used to go after school to grab a few bits and they loved it, especially the 9 year old as I bought 'fresh pineapple' for her - she said it like it was treasure!! lol

Interesting to hear viewpoint of some Childminders!

Well to update...

I have since spoken to the nursery where she will go in September and as they do wraparound care she can start in April. I have spoken to my CM about the fridays and we have agreed for DD not to go on Fridays from mid April. She has a new mindee (baby) starting in May so will only be a loss of income for two weeks (not any concern of mine as I have given 1 month notice). She openly admits that she has a very busy Thursday with three toddlers and she is shattered come Friday.

We did not discuss money and refunds but I consider that only having to pay for 2 out of the 4 fridays that would form the notice then that is ok. I will also get the nursery grant for the Fridays through the nursery so will not be paying for 5 hours of her time there anyway.

It would appear that all ends well. I will just be a bit more firm about the other 3 days she is there and any early finishes, but should not be a problem as there are other mindees there until at least 5pm.

Thanks for all your replies - it is good to know other peoples views.

Opps forgot name change!!

Glad you got it sorted So, she'll start nursery in May full time, then? Good that you sorted it out!

yes, good to hear you're all sorted and satisfied!