new childminder parents help!!

[Hayleycm]

ok im due to have ababy start on monday aged 7 1/2 months

he ws supposed to have settling in sessions last week and this week, last week he was in hospital twice with sickness.

he was due to come round today, his mother said lunch ish time, although vauge i said this was fine

i then got a text saying she was bringing her son who is 7, i asked why is he not at school, she said hes got a virus. i told her that iw ould prefer it if he didnt come as i have to thnk of the other children i care for, including my own

well now shes gettign a bit rude, she saying i dont have any minded children so didnt think i was risking anyones health(only my own child) although i have an after scoolie and anotheron a friday.

she is saying she doesnt want to throw her son in the deep end and have him start all day, seem to be blaming me as i dont want poorly child round here.

i replied saying if she can get a sitter for eldest she is welcome anytime

am i in the right, im already regretting signing this family on,

I think you are in the right and would consider not signing them up tbh.

If I were you I would listen to the huge warning bells that should be going off! I would terminate the contract before it even starts (that's one of the benefit's of a settling in period), if this woman is already showing no regard to you and your family it will only get worse.

thank you im so worried ita only my second family they have signed contract but i did say there was amonth settling in session

not sure what to do, dont want to leave her in the lurch

i for got to fill out the settling in period on the contract though :S so im worried now

Yep, she sounds like a bit of a nightmare. Stick to your guns and if she doesn't end up taking the place then it sounds like it might be the best outcome!

can i terminate if not started yet?

what does your contract say about settling in?

You can terminate at any point as long as you give the stated notice as per the contract. Mine is no notice required from either party during the settling in period.

i forgot to fill the settling in bit in, the woman was her for two hours when doing paperwork!

i state that i need 4 weeks notice to end contract , but i did state more then twice verballyi like a 4 week settling in period, especially with babies as some may not settle?

could i terminate legally now? or should i tell her shes got amonths notice, i feel quite worried, she has been quite rude and ive dont everything to accomodate her.

i know im new but i think im in the right

You can terminate at any time, just give her 4 weeks notice so that it's in line with your contract. Personally I would also offer her the option to not use the 4 weeks and not pay in the hope that she would just go without starting.

Tough one. She is right to be worried about throwing her baby in at the deep end without settling in days and probably has little choice in when she starts back at work. Returning to work is a really anxious time anyway and if the baby has recently been ill enough to be hospitalised and her other child is now ill she is probably feeling added general stress. Sounds like a pretty nightmarish situation and, though she certainly shouldn't be taking it out on you, I'm not sure that many people would be at their best. On the other hand, if your child is at home I can see why you don't want a virusy 7 year old about, esp if it is the very same virus that led to the baby's hospital admission.

Have you spoken to her properly on the phone, rather than by text? It's the sort of situation that might just need a bit of empathy and sympathy on both sides to move forward maybe.

well she never rings ony texts im not sure how she will be on the phone, she thinks that my children dont count as being looked after i also have a 14 month old on a friday, so didnt want to make all kids poorly especially before holidays, i said she could coe anytime for settling in, that was 3 weeks ago, i know lat week he was ill and this week her other son is ill, so it been difficult i wouldmt want to put baby in deep end but its not my fault her son is in, its just really bad luck, so i not sure what to suggest to her. i havnt replied to last text as nit sure what to write said she is welcome anytime, without poorly son ?

Sorry- I think it's a BIG mistake and quite unprofessional to communicate solely by text in this situation. Very easy for either side to take unintended umbrage- bit like mumsnet! Talk to her- things will be a lot clearer either way. If you tell her ear to ear that you're very sympathetic and want to help sort the situation out but can't have an ill child in the house, you may well be able to move forward.

hmmm argh im little scared of her. shall i ring tomorrow morning ask how her son is etc? i could offer that she drop the baby off for anhour see how he does? then her poorly son is with her?

i asked her to drop of bab tomorrow for settling in session she can wait at home.go for a walk and see how baby settles then poorly son can stay with her, i just know if she comes round and starts chatting she will be here all day!

It sounds to me you don't like her very much.

If she is dropping the baby off make sure it is crystal clear that she can't be chatting for ages esp if her older (ill) dc is with her. A problem could occur if the baby is unsettled and she is (understandably) reluctant to leave him if crying, then you have the tricky situation of her, baby and her ds in the house, which is what you were trying to avoid?

I am a parent btw, not a cm. My youngest dd goes to a fantastic cm. I would never dream of treating her as this lady is treating you. I am often by the way some parents seem to have no respect for cms.

Imo you do a fantastic job, while dd is with the cm it is (for her) like being with a lovely auntie. I would also echo what others have said about the Warning Bells already going off.

well i asked her to drop baby off friday for an hour and she has agreed, but not a time so ill be waiting for a call when she will be coming?
i want to make this work as it my second child, not sure if its me or not much luck with parents

I think you need to be firmer and more specific re timings generally. Wasn't the lunchtime arrangement the other day quite vague?

Organised, reasonable parents will appreciate you being specific and clear - everyone will know where they stand.

People who have a tendency to take others for granted (perhaps like this woman) will use your good naturedness to be disrespectful. Your time is important. It is unreasonable of her to expect to come at any time for an hour.

Can't the 7yr old stay in the car when she drops the baby off? As long as he doesn't come in the house.
Could be that the mum is stressed to the max at the moment.

Hi

Even though you may not be minding, you have to think about yourself. What if you get the virus then you will not be able to work.

Well ask her what time suits her or tell her when you want him! You may well have been unlucky with parents but, to be blunt, your communication skills sound like they could use some work. You really need to be able to talk to parents as well as children to be a good child minder. Difficult issues will come up from time to time and you can't shy away from discussing them because you feel scared or don't like parents "chatting". Lots of parents do like talking about their children and will want to offload their fears about leaving them onto you. You need to be reassuring and interested but find ways to kindly and firmly end the conversation when necessary. Equally you need to be quite clear about what you can and can't do, what is flexible and up for negotiation and what is not.

In this situation the mum will probably be very nervous- she is almost certainly leaving her baby with a stranger for the first time, is probably sad to do so and on top of that is being forced (through bad luck) to do it in a less than ideal way, without being there for the settling in period. She will probably want to impart quite a lot of information to you about her baby's routine and likes and dislikes. Some of that will be totally appropriate and essential information. If you rush her or seem uninterested, her fears will intensify and you won't have enough information to look after the baby to the best of your ability.

Have you got an "All about me" form ? That way the mum can tell you all about the baby in writting or you can fill it in whilst she talks to you.
Then you can keep refering back to it.

she wanted to come and stay with 7 yr old and her-not sure she got the concept of settling in session? i tried to be i said am but she said she will let me know but decided when she come i will say i can fir them in for another time at so and so o clock.

i think she is stressed and my day has gone from bad to worse, had leak in kitchen

Sorry about the leak. Hope it's fixable.

She probably doesn't get the concept of a settling in session, since different places/people seem to do it differently. Some people would expect the parent to stay for the 1st few sessions and then gradually withdraw whereas others have a far more cold turkey approach. You really will need to tell her how you do things and why.

yes i think i need to review this

she has had one with her present, but i thought next one would be better for hour on own seeing as he is starting monday.

i think i will write a letter up on this to make it clearer to any future parents, we discused it verbally, but with a letter she can re-read if unsure.