I'm having a bit of a problem with the 'out of hours' times of my live in nanny. The problem is we never really discussed the full arrangements for the live in aspect of her role because at the time we were going through the recruitment process she lost her accommodation and is now live in while she saves up to move out - so it was only ever going to be temporary (6 - 7 months).
She has her own bedroom, and pretty much sole use of the main bathroom (both we and the children have ensuites so we don't need to use the main bathroom).
We also provide food. I work part time from home, and so am around during the day. I have few complaints of day time care of the children. They both love her, and she does lots of fun activities with them. Her duties include cleaning the areas that the children use (which does turn out to be the majority of the downstairs areas) which she isn't really that brilliant with but as it is also used by myself during the day I'm not that bothered by that. She also does extra ironing while I take my older child out to some activities and she only has the 6 month old.
But once we hit her finishing time (she works 9 hour days) she goes up to her room, goes onto the internet, has a bath etc, and only pokes her nose downstairs when I tell her that dinner is ready for long enough to woof her food down and then she disappears again. I've already had words with her about having to go and get her for dinner - I'm not her mother for heaven's sakes, and she is not a teenager who needs fetching and reminding that dinner is ready especially if I've already told her it will be ready in 15 (or whatever) minutes (only to have her go and actually have her bath right when I start cooking dinner!!!).
I've warned her that if this keeps up then I'm not going to bother calling her anymore and she can just eat her food cold whenever she bothers to make her way downstairs (partly based on her acknowledging that her mother also used to get annoyed with her when she behaved like this and just left her food to go cold rather than fetching her and I said 'fine, then that's what I will do then').
Not to mention that I never know in advance if she has decided to go out and therefore doesn't actually want any dinner or wants to eat as quickly as possible after work. I have to check with her if she is having dinner rather than her telling me that she will/won't be in, especially on weekends.
She doesn't help tidy up after dinner, bar her own plate, and certainly never helps prepare the food. I've only got 2-3 months left of this, but it is really getting me riled up. She does tidy the kitchen up in the morning if it is left messy, but I do try to avoid this either by cleaning it that evening or in the morning before she starts work.
She pretty much refuses to join us in the evenings, stating that she doesn't want to intrude. Given that most evenings my OH doesn't come home until quite late I'm not quite sure what she thinks she is going to intrude upon. She certainly is not behaving as though she is part of the household which is what I am finding difficult.
Does anyone think it would be unreasonable for me to just state that there is food in the fridge, and she can cook herself what she fancies but that I'm not going to cook for her anymore, or maybe just set 2 or so nights a week where I will cook for her and us and she can fend for herself the other nights?