Night Nanny - Redhill Surrey

[mowmi]

Hi Ladies,

I'm new to all this so please forgive my ignorance.
I'm considering getting a night nanny - we've no family or friends locally to support us and I'm at the end of my tether!

My beautiful 7 week old and me need some help on how to settle him to sleep. I'm feeding him around 11 and then he wakes at 2, 5 and 7ish.
The problem is it takes me an age to settle him afterwards (and during the day for naps - I end up waking the streets with him) with rocking his crib, out of desperation a lot of the time I end up putting him in with me!
I know I'm doing neither of us any favours but I'm so tired.

I'm thinking one night a week off and some guidance might be money worth spending (although I don't really have any!)

Is there anyone out there who thinks this might work?

How much am I looking at per night?

Any advise much appreciated.

bump

mowmi, you poor thing, you sound exhausted but really, your baby does sound normal to me and this phase will pass

Are you bfing?

And if taking the baby into bed with you gives you some sleep, go for it! All of mine were in bed with us from the start but were all in their own cots by the time they were a year old. I found this way we all got some sleep.

And I never changed nappies or anything like that at night either as I found it just woke the baby up.

Sorry, no help on the night nanny as we've never had one but it really will get better.

hi - welcome

sounds like you do need a night nanny to help you out/give you a rest /get your ds into a routine etc

tbh one night a week prob wouldnt make much difference (tho you would get a decent nights sleep) in your babys routine IF you continue to rock/put in bed with you the other nights

there is nothing wrong with what you are doing if YOU are happy with that, but sounds that you are not

costs vary, but you are looking at for a exp nn 12/15ph so 120/150 a night - most work 10hr shifts 9-7 etc

have you tried swaddling after a feed/when you put down for a sleep?

Really sounds like you need a night nanny for some sleep and some advice.

Although one night a week isnt alot it may give you that much needed sleep, could you stretch to 2nights?

I tend to do 2-3nights when night nannying either tues and fri or mon, wed and fri to break up the week for parents and also myself to get some sleep in between!!

I have also done ad-hoc nights where parents have been at end of tether really needing some sleep and have gone done one night and given some advice in the morning on where they can go from there - they are welcome to book more nights if they want but often that one night of sleep and some advice gives them a clearer perspective on things.

At 7wks old a feed at 10/11pm and one 2/3 am then 7am is ok its the waking at 5am and the needing to be rocked to sleep I would break the habit of asap. Swaddling may help, also is he windy after a feed, some babies take ages to bring up wind. In the daytime try swaddling and putting into pram or cot awake maybe with a mobile on for company to see if he settles.

You would be looking to pay £12-£15 an hr for an experienced night nanny who could offer you lots of support and advice.

If he settles in with you, keep him in with you. You won't do him any harm.

All This Will Pass.

My ds isn't the best sleeper but it does get easier. IMHO I don't think you "need" a night nanny... unless you can really afford it and just want a couple of nights of sleep (it doesn't sound like it's very affordable from your op is why I'm saying that).

I never had a night nanny and my ds fed every 2 hours for the first few months, even when I was at work full time and no family/friends to help me out in the night.

What I did was bf and kept him in with me sometimes when he wouldn't settle in the cot. It took a while to get to the point where he'd only wake a couple of times a night but definitely being in with me helped us both. It is exhausting, but it will pass. Try some sleep training? it will be an exhausting few nights, but worth it in the end. But not at 7 weeks... maybe when he's older.

I appreciate the opinions of others on here but I find it difficult to suggest that a night nanny is a necessity. It's not. For anyone. It's a luxury. But if you can afford it comfortably and would like to do it, I say go ahead and have a night nanny in Would be fab for a night's sleep.

Hi Ladies,

Thanks for all you advice. He sleeps really well with me...I'm just worried I'm building an unbreakable rod for my back further down the line if I keep doing it...although I appreciate he is only 7 weeks.

Last night it took me an hour and half after he woke during his dream feed - it's not the waking to feed him that's difficult - it's the sitting on the edge of the bed rocking the crib whilst he fights going back to sleep.

I'm finding it hard - I don't feel like I have a mother figure to turn to for advice (both our mums have passed on) my friends who have children are all still trying to figure it out themselves...

I'm probably reading too much "rocking is a prop.. etc.."
I've just ordered the sleep system - I'm hoping the online support will help? I'm torn between trying to do some sleep training or just leaving it until he's a big bigger say 12 weeks... I can't think straight.

I agree, it's not a necessity but I just feel a bit out there and so tired.

Chipmonkey - I'm doing formula at night.

Blondeshavemorefun - I know, I feel with someone who knows what they are doing tells me to persevere (and a bit of sleep) I'd find the strength to do it for him.

Eastmidandsnightnanny - I think the sleep, bit of advice and some perspective sounds like just what I need. I swaddled him for the first 3 weeks at night, I've tried to do it recently and he hates it - do I need to give it a longer try?

Thanks Coldtits - I'd love to do that but I'm worried I'll never get him in his own bed - will it happen or will I be in for a big fight?

Starexpat - I can't really afford it but I could find say £600 in my maternity to support to get some help. As I said I agree with you and to be honest I'm surprised I'm even thinking about it!

Thanks again for taking the time to post, I really am most greatful

x

I would keep giving the swaddling a try maybe book a night nanny for a one off night sorry not nearer you or would have have offered maybe book them to do a fri night so they can stay later on a sat morning maybe do 9pm-9am so you can have a good chat in the morning about routine and night nanny can advise you where to go from there, you can always book more ad-hoc nights as and when needed.

mowmi -poor you - I remember this stage..

You do sound exhausted.

For what it's worth I wouldn't worry too much about 'creating rods for your own back' etc at this stage.

He is still very, very little, and being popped into a (relatively) 'cold' and dark crib after being snuggled up close to mum is likely to unsettle him at this stage.

Why not do yourself some favours by treating night and daytime differently. Keep him close to you after night time feeds and both try to get some sleep. Use the daytime to get him used to sleeping in his cot/crib.

Do you have a partner who can help? What used to work for us was a routine like this:

8 p.m.ish I would BF then DH would take over and get him to sleep (sometimes he would sleep ON dh!) Meanwhile I would go to bed.

11 pm - DH would bottle feed (expressed milk) and then bring DS upstairs and pop him into bed next to me (he usually stayed asleep or went back to sleep quickly)
DH went to sleep in spare room.

2-3 am - I would dream feed, lying down, still in bed, and we'd both go back to sleep.

5-6 am - I'd wake up, feed DS, and then get up with him (or at weekends DH would sometimes take him after I'd fed him so I could have a couple of extra hours)

You just need to get to get through the first few months.. it DOES get easier, honest.

Good advice ReigateMum (hey, that's quite close to redhill ).

From my experience I can honestly say that it's not building a rod for your own back or whatever. It may take a couple of nights when he's older if you want to train him to sleep in the cot later on but it can be done and you're not determining his future sleep this way, just getting more sleep.

we didn't bother with it until ds was 10 months
It took 3 nights. He sleeps in the cot now. But when he gets up too early for my liking (4.30/5ish) then I take him into bed with me and we sleep soundly together. Do whatever gets you both the most sleep

Ds2 slept in my bed until he was 8 months old (he settled best there) then moved into his cot without a murmur.

Please, stop reading. Your baby hasn't read those books. When they are that tiny, they have a physical need to be close to you, that's why he screams until it happens. he's not manipulating you, he needs you to be where he can see, hear, touch and smell you. Just cuddle him.

Seriously, whoever thought up the "rod for your own back" phrase has a lot to answer for! It would seem to me that if you c0-slept now you would get months of sleep and the habit would be broken in 2-3 nights somewhere down the line with minimal fuss.

If you are ff at night, is your dh/dp sometimes getting up to give you a break. I know my friends who were ff did a routine where she would go to bed at 10pm, he would give a bottle at midnight, baby would wake up at 4.00 which feed she would give and then baby would sleep again till about 8.00
after a while baby skipped the 4 am feed and she got some more sleep!

just curious... do night nannies recommend co sleeping? I really wish someone had told me it was OK. I beat myself up about it all the time and was embarrassed to admit to anyone that I did it (unless I knew they did it, too!). It would have been so much more relaxing and nicer to have people tell me - just let him sleep with you. It's ok.

Coldtits is right... (and it's not often I would find myself saying that )

With DS1 we 'did it all wrong' in retrospect - got too worked up about establishing a routine, read too many books, listened to too many 'experts' and tried to get DS1 to sleep in his own cot every night. As a result we endured lots of crying and we were completely exhausted.

When DS2 came along we decided to do whatever it took to get as much sleep as possible between 9 pm and 6 a.m. and we did something similar to ReigateMum, with DH & I doing 'shifts' and sleeping in separate rooms etc so I could have DS2 in bed with me. I found if I could get a couple of bursts of 3 hours of sleep then I could function OK during the day and that just got us through the first 6-8 months or so.

Someone gave me some advice which helped to understand what was going on really well.. it was along these lines:

• your baby has been inside you, warm, tightly packed, listening to you heartbeat for 9 months - s/he has got used to that, it is all s/he has ever known. It makes her feel safe & warm.
• The world post-birth is big and frightening. There is cold air on the skin, and arms and legs can flail around now. Noises are louder and sometimes you can't see (in the dark), smell your mummy, or hear her heartbeat...it feels lonely (and frightening) in a crib or cot.

• Being next to her give you some of those 'safe & warm' feelings back - and you can smell her, and hear the heartbeat again.

The first few months are a 'transition' from the 'inner world' to the 'outer world' so you should try to make the 'change' as stress-free as possible. With time, your baby will get used to being separated from you... but give it a few months.

Explained like that it made perfect sense to me .

If your looking for someone to give you a night off - I was a nanny / night nanny / maternity nanny who now works as a childminder with over 15years experience.

Ofsted reg, insured, CRB, first aid, references etc and I can come and give you a night of unbroken sleep.

If you interested then indicate on here and I will tell you how to contact me!

Rates are £15ph for a 10-12hour shift.

PS - I am not too far away

You can't "spoil" a 7 week old, don't worry about making a rod at this point. I agree with others who have said keep him close with you, he'll soon feel secure enough to sleep elsewhere. I've done a fair bit on maternity nannying and if parents want to cosleep I won't advise them against it, I do however encourage few pillows, a thin duvet, and only one adult in the bed, just for safety reasons. Alot of the time bubs is ready to move into his own bed around 12 weeks or so, but it's ok to do it sooner or later than that, go with what gets you all the most sleep and the most peace. Worry about routines etc when bubs is a little older and more able to show you consistently what he wants and when, and what you want and when. All those books should be banned, babies can't read, and all they do is increase parental anxiety and paranoia and guilt!

Ladies,

Thank you all once again! I think I was looking for permission to let him keep sleeping with me. Was just worried he'd be in there for life!

Feeing a lot better today - we popped wee man in bed after his 11pm feed and DH tended to him all night - bliss!

I will keep his bedtime routine going and put him in his crib because that seems to work and gives us a few calm baby free hours to have dinner etc...

Reigate mum - that way like you did DH can do the 11pm feed and I can get a stretch before the 2-3am feed if needed.
Starexpat - thanks for all your words - I know what you mean about being only telling people who do it too...I need to get over that, he likes and so do I.
Wrinklyrasin - he sleeps on my side away from DH - I only have one pillow which lie length ways, he sleeps on top of the duvet in his grobag, I also block the gap between the side cupboard and bed with a sturdy cushion.

I've not mentioned everyone by name but I really do appreciate you all taking the time to impart your wisdom, maybe I'll pop back in couple of weeks and let you know how I'm going on!

x

PS Booh - it would be great to have your details in case needed. - thanks

Another thing as he gets a bit older (?) I'm not sure when this can be started... (tbh I just resigned myself to getting no more than 2 hours of sleep at a time for the first several months- which did not help me at all) but wake to sleep? It's when you know the time that they will wake (or vaguely what time) and wake the baby just ever so slightly about an hour before that. You don't actually wake him, just disturb his sleep a bit iyswim... and then it breaks the cycle eventually. I haven't worded that well. I'm sure one of the more experience night nannies will have experience with this technique. I used it with DS very recently (17 months) because he kept waking at 2am every morning. It worked. I know someone who has done it with a 3 month old and it worked, too... not sure about 7 weeks.

Really cant help much Im afraid as eveyone else has given perfect advise already! but with regards to swaddling- youngest charge would only stop crying when being held....scremed the house down when being swaddled....but i swaddled her with one arm free and it worked....maybe try that?

good luck!

I don't know of any 30 year old men who still sleep with their mothers. Not off the top of my head anyway!