Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

Original poster

Argggg parents!!!!! very very long!!!

19 replies

squiby2004 · 09/03/2010 18:38

And breathe...

I am giving notice on Thursday to 2 siblings as am looking to reduce my CM commitments over next 12-18 months so am about to go term time only. These children are quite hard work (2 and 4) anyway so am quite looking forward to not having them anymore. In addition I find the parents completely self absorbed!! The mother is constantly looking to offload them onto whoever she can con into looking after them, uses grandparents way too much and I am sure that GP are resenting this and get the impression have started saying no now.

Anyway....

2 weeks ago I informed mum that the preschool that he attends full time and that the little gos to on both of mums days off work (see what I mean??) are having a coffee morning tomorrow for catch up with key workers and they have the photographers in to do photos. I said since I take the little one and the baby I mind to a music group on a wed morning I would not be able to stay and if she wanted to do sibling photos she would need to take the little one in and do that. She said she was not bothered and had to no wish to get feedback nor photos. Fine, her choice I guess.

skip to pick up today. She informs me she has spoken to the pre school and has made arrangements for me to take the baby with me and to get the photos done. I remind her I said I could not do that. Its a risk assessment mine field with an open house besides its not fair on the baby to miss her group and hang around with nothing to do while they prance about having photos taken. She gets cross and carries on basically wanting to know what the problem is. I can see she is getting put out she cant have her own way but I stand my ground. She then goes on to say that her older one has informed his mother I am constantly late picking him up and how it breaks her heart to think of him sitting there on his own waiting for someone to come and get him. I can count on 1 hand in over 15 months how many times I have been late and its always due getting in to the car park outside (live to far away to walk) as there are 2 pre schools in the 2 halls next door to each other and they share a tiny tiny car park.

I could scream. I came this close to telling her tonight >< but managed to keep my mouth shut. Now she is going to think its because of this when infact I decided over a month ago I was going to do this!!!

Can already see Thursday is not going to go very well is it?..........

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LucindaCarlisle · 09/03/2010 18:54

Who does the baby belong to?

Notalone · 09/03/2010 19:02

She sounds like a selfish self absorbed nightmare. If the late thing were an issue before why did she not bring it up when it happenned. Sounds like she is throwing what she can at you to try to get the upperhand.

I would tell her the decision was made prior to today but don't expect her to listen. Oh and just be glad you soon won't have to see her anymore

Original poster

squiby2004 · 09/03/2010 19:02

Its a mindee!! I only have 1 child of my own and she is at school full time. Obviously my own child I would not be so worried but its a child with equal rights in this case.

OP posts:

LucindaCarlisle · 09/03/2010 19:06

She sounds like one of those people who have no feeling or empathy for other people. Most people put their children before themselves. Not her apparently?

Original poster

squiby2004 · 09/03/2010 19:38

No not her!!! She as more than once said she resent having to use her annual leave to look after her children and that is is not a holiday when she does so. Her H travels with work a bit and she thinks its very unfair as she does not get to go away without the children and she thinks she should get to because his job means he has to sometimes!!

Why do some people even bother having kids?? Don't get me wrong sometimes I love having a bit of piece and quiet but I gave up my teaching career to stay at home with my dc!! I just could not leave her and miss out so I became a CM to enable this. I miss my job but my child comes first!!!

OP posts:

TheFallenMadonna · 09/03/2010 19:41

Just as well for your job that not everyone feels the same way though eh?

Original poster

squiby2004 · 09/03/2010 19:47

well yes but I am entitled to have bad days in it the same as everybody else. Same goes for totally under appreciated as well. No parent has every made me feel so happy that I wont be seeing them again and I have been doing this 4 years. I have been lucky to have some lovely children and have enjoyed caring for them and have welcomed them and their parents into my home and family. It saddens me to see a parent so non plused about their own children as I am sure if you saw it happening in front of you it would to you as well??

OP posts:

CaitlinMeringue · 09/03/2010 19:55

oh dear

a few thoughts

It is none of your business what the parents do when the child is in a setting, and you are very judgy about 'offloading'; so what if she places them at preschool when she is not at work.

I can see that you have crossed wires wrt to the photography session - are you sure that she has not booked a specific time, you can whizz in and out bang, job done. But why not accomodate the parents wishes anyway?? It's a one-off. As long as you are vigilant as you would be say at the library or toddler group I don't see the problem.

And finally, wrt to late pick-ups - not really acceptable is it so perhaps you should be thinking about leaving earlier and perhaps parking and walking a short distance.

LucindaCarlisle · 09/03/2010 20:07

Caitlin, I think that you have not read the OP correctly. Squilby has something else to do with another child, and she told the mother that. The mother has then tried to make arrangements "behind the back of the minder. I am totally with the OP

CaitlinMeringue · 09/03/2010 20:09

ah right, I see

Thank you

Original poster

squiby2004 · 09/03/2010 20:10

thanks for the thoughts but its not so simple as you lay out.

I did the photos last year and it was bedlum - took well over an hour (no appts its a que and the 'tog needs to set up as well so wont even get get going to till 10 am and we do a music group at 10 am) hence why I said outright I couldn't so it.

The road has no pavement and nowhere to park outside it and I have a baby in arms to consider as well so need to think about that childs (also a mindee) safety.

I have always accommodate parents wishes where possible, if I say it isn't its not to be difficult its because it really is not possible.

Wont be my issue for much longer anyway as I said I am giving them notice and they will be finishing with me in 4 weeks.

OP posts:

xoxcherylxox · 09/03/2010 20:24

CaitlinMeringue

your not really late though if there still other parents going in and coming out the nursery are you? this happens at a nursery i pick up from some parents wait till another parent comes out then takes there car parks space and goes into collect the child.
maybe squiby2004 could have tried to accomodate it if the parent showed an interested in it at the start however she never but then when and discussed things with pre school then told her how it was to be. plus why should the baby miss there music class do you think the babies mum would be happy she may have already paid for the block so would not be happy tht her child did not actually attend.

CaitlinMeringue · 09/03/2010 20:31

your idea of being late and mine might differ I think, so horses for courses

But the judgyness about the mother is harsh, very harsh indeed

Original poster

squiby2004 · 09/03/2010 20:40

You are entitled to your opinion but you don't know the situation apart from what I have written here and I am basing my judgements in 15 months worth of observations and conversations. In hindsight I should have kept that bit to myself. Does not change the facts though.

OP posts:

crankytwanky · 09/03/2010 20:41

But the mother is trying to prevent someone elses baby going to their group.
If I were baby's mother, I'd be mighty displeased too. The op is trying to be fair to all her mindees. Two children will miss out on the music group. Mother had time to make alternitive arrangements if she really wanted photos.

mathanxiety · 09/03/2010 20:50

It is a bit judgey about the mother's attitude to motherhood; the main problem from Squilby2004's pov is really that the mother is being very high-handed in trying to force the OP into doing her bidding where her DCs are concerned while ignoring the fact that there are other DCs' commitments that OP has to honour at the same time. Since the mother had already indicated to the OP that she couldn't be bothered about the photos or the open house, then it's unreasonable of her to change her mind and expect the OP to cater to her whim. OP went ahead and made the other commitment (the baby's music thingy) and this was perfectly reasonable. This is the tack I would take; forget trying to please everybody.

As far as being late, well sometimes people are late; I wouldn't try to say I wasn't late or make any excuses. That gives the mother the upper hand and puts the OP on the back foot. It's quite aggressive and unfair of the mother to repeat stories the DCs have told her about the CM in order to pressure her to do anything special and out of the ordinary for her; either she's satisfied or she needs to find someone else to take care of the children.

OP could say she hopes her service has been acceptable on the whole, it has been a pleasure having the DCs in her care, sorry she won't be able to continue the arrangement, hope the mother will be able to find someone else for CM duties in the coming weeks and the final day for the DCs will be X/X/2010.

yosushi · 12/03/2010 14:22

sqilby how did the giving of notice go?

thebody · 13/03/2010 15:52

unfortunatly some parents mix up cms with nannys and expect them to jump at once to their tune and forget that the cm has other children and parents to accommadate and times to juggle as well.

mothers always judge other mothers, whats the problem, noone knows who this mum is..

As a cm I can tell you that some of my parents put their kids first and others most definatly put themselves first.. fact of life.

squigy;; just give notice and enjoy not dealing with this mother again..

Original poster

squiby2004 · 13/03/2010 20:34

Hello ;)

Thanks for asking , it went fine. I was really worried about telling her but she took it much better than I thought she would. She did then say she may feel differently again next week when she realises the consequences of having to find new childcare but its done now and I am counting down the days until the last one!!

OP posts:

Flip