bashy baby a nightmare! help!!!

[woahthere]

ive posted about this before, the 12 month old i look after walks around bashing everything and I just dont know what to about it anymore its becoming unbearable. He walks around with his hands up in permanent about to bash position. I dont think he is bored we go out everyday to a group where he is slightly better although i have to chase him constantly to make sure hes not trying to break anyones child! He does seem to ease off in the afternoon but especially in hte morning he is really bad bashing my son, my son sits at the top of the sofa now because he doesnt want to get hit, my son is very loving to him and tolerant but he gets frustrated and upset with him (and I dont blame him!). Anyway, I cant keep on about it, I need a strategy...please help!!!

Has he had his eyes checked? It sounds like a vision problem causing the bashing from what you say.- unless I misunderstood you.
Is it malicious? Is he at appropriate development with speech and hearing?
Time out/thinking mat can be introduced, and can be taken with you wherever you go, most carpet places have small off cuts that do the job without breaking the bank.
Speak to parents, do they have anything in place? Is he hitting and being encouraged to 'be a boy' outside your setting?
Try the time intensive but effective behaviour training technique, each time the hands go up offer an activity, distract or simply say, 'hands down', dont make it negative, keep it light - it can be trying when you do the same thing a million times in a day, but it does work.
Use soft things, or a friendly pet, cat rabbit etc in a sensory session, maybe as part of storytime to allow exploration of things gently.
Hope this helps!

Thats interesting, I dont know about sight problem, he doesnt seem to be, why would this make him hit more is it because he has to get closer? Its not malicious, hes just excited and wants to get unbelievably close to everything, he has no concept of hurting other people. I have been moving his hands down. At first I was saying 'no smacking' but that didnt seem to do anything. I would say no smacking and then move him away, I do also try and distract but I have been doing this for 6 weeks now and I want to know when its going to work! I was told on here that he had trajectory and scattering schemas and to support this. I have done lots of activities to support this like spaghetti play, playing with soil, oats, stacking and knocking down blocks, throwing scarves, throwing and rolling soft balls. I cant get him to sit still for a story unfortunately, I do storytime everyday and read books to the children at odd regular times if they want but he always wriggles off or tries to wreck the book or if its a board book he snatches it and chucks it....he is a crazy baby! But hes gorgeous and I want him to learn so I will persist, I just wish it would hurry up and improve!

do you get out every single day come rain or shine for space to run and move?

(I have one with a trajectory and scattering schema and they love love love running in a straight line)

could you and your son visit him at his house?

pretty much caitlin, we go to play groups and toddler groups that are in big halls so he has plenty of space to run. we've been to the playing fields today. Our house is quite spacious anyway so he shouldnt feel caged in even if we are at home.

to be honest i dont really fancy going to their house, I already work 8 - 6 every day im not prepared to give up any more of my time to go visiting them! its not just about my son anyway, he does it at home as well, they are trying to discourage it they say. By this afternoon he hardly smackled at all. It just takes him ages to wind down and after the weekend is always harder because hes so excited to see us all.

Something to remember is if you're saying 'no smacking' then he may just be hearing the 'smack' part.

If he was one of mine then I'd be saying 'be gentle' to him and getting him to sit on my knee (maybe in the pm when he's calmer?) and modelling how we gently stroke a doll/toy etc. Then give loads of praise whenever he does stroke or be gentle with any toy/person and try to minimise the attention you give to the whacking - I know its hard to ignore him if he's hurting your son, but if necessary I'd be holding his hands if he tried to bash (remember physical restraint is ok if they're a danger to themselves or others).

Any help?

Just thought it might give a bit of a different perspective on it e.g. is there a contrast between the environment he has at home, and your setting? But I can see your point. On the other hand visiting them isn't quite the same as working is it? ... and he might see you a bit differently too.

Does he smack objects as well as your ds then - is it his way of making contact with what's around him?

If hes got sight problems it will highlight the need to get right up close to everything to be able to focus, the hitting could then be a retaliation from the general fatigue of not being able to see clearly, also fast movements will be a blur that some children find enjoyable, hence the schema can actually keep a child stimulated when the rest of his vision is blurred. The fact he settles in the afternoon when tired could be the amount of time it takes for his eyes to adjust, especially if you have also been to toddler group that morning too.
leeloo1_ is spot on! She says what I meant!

you are all so lovely and helpful. I realised that about the smacking thing leeloo, I rememberd that they only remember that bit when I d heard my self say it about a hundred times! I have stopped that now. Problem is my son keeps shouting it at him! I do show him to stroke gently instead and I also hold his hands. Im going to take Mikki's advice and gently say 'hands down' at the same time. I'll tell my son to say it too (hes 2 ). It is a help leeloo, I have been doing these things, I just need to be consistent. I must admit there have been times when Ive flown across the room shouting 'NO *((child name , not swear word!) and Ive whipped him away put him on the other side of the room to comfort my sobbing son because thats the problem really, I cant be right next to them all the time and I wouldnt want to stifle them that much anyway. Its so hard to be calm all the time and I do naturally want to stick up for my son, I feel he puts up with quite enough as it is!
allthtaglisters: they live a bit far away for me to visit, i dont drive so would have to get dh to take me and quite frankly i dont know when we'd have time! he does smack objects as well, and throws them. I said last time i posted on here...he is like the advocado baby. he is unnaturally strong! on his 2nd day with me he picked up out little people doll house and threw it...hes 12 months fgs!
tomorrow mikki im going to kep an eye on his sight and do a few things to test it out. I think his sight seems fine but that said the main things he points to in fascination are lights so maybe you re right?
lots to be going on with, thank you all.

Aw bless woahthere, it is very hard to stay calm and consistent when you see your own child being hurt. I had to bite my tongue when a little girl (18 mths) at a children's centre scratched and cut my son's eyelid (she was clawing all the kid's faces!) - I held and moved her hand away from him and said 'lets touch gently' and got her to stroke his hair. Poor DS was too shocked to do anything (he's only 16 mths) but the little girl's mum had smacked her when she'd done it to my friend's DD - which just seemed to reinforce being violent. So much easier when its a one-off than when you've got to deal with it full time though so I really sympathise!

If he threw toys I'd do my best to ignore it but quietly take the thrown toys and put them out of his reach so its not giving him attention for the bad behaviour and he'll (hopefully) realise that he's losing out cos his toys are diminishing. Obviously it'd affect your son too though.

Just a thought, but do you have a playpen or travel cot you could put him in when he's at his worst? He's too young to really have 'time out' as such, but you could put some soft toys in there (so wouldn't hurt if thrown) and it'd give you a bit of a respite and time to look after your DS and might encourage bashy-baby to calm down?

You could even tell him, that he's been put there to calm down because he's hurt your son?

Oh and if you do find anything that helps a bit then make sure the parents are on board and willing to do the same at home so he'll (hopefully) be getting a consistent message.