Au Pair not doing all her duties properly - wwyd?

[Metrobaby]

My AP has been with us for 6 months now. We laid out all her duties in clearly from the start - however she has an irritating habit of not doing all her duties - or not doing it properly. I end up having a word with her, she improves, but then invariably she starts slipping again, and then I have to have another word with her again. She is allocated more than enough time to do her duties. She also has started to clock off early if my DH comes in early from work - despite still not having done all she is supposed to do.

I don't like having to pull her up on her duties constantly - and I have tried to ignore it and hope it gets better or that it is a temporary oversight on her part - but it hasn't. I'd be interested to know everyone's experience and views on how best to handle this.

Firsty, I think that any poster who presumes that anybody who has an AP cannot be botheered to look after their own children is unbeleivably judgmental and unhelpful. Particulaarly on a website liek this where we are maent to be supporting each other. PLEASE STOP.Everybodies needs and lives are different.

Aps are paid pocket money ( your sounds very reasonable) for an exchange programme. They do the 30 hrs as part of their payment for bed and board. As long as you are behaving reasonabaly this is a good arrangement all round particularly if you are living in SE.
I have had similaar issue with my current AP. I like the idea of a diary to show what they have done with the kids and may instigate this myself. I have also discovered that you have to be precriptive in what you what them to do ie if you want something done a couple of times a week say which days you want it done so it gets done.You could be more presciptive with not being in the room when she is in SC of the kids etc.

I have had a couple of discussions with my AP re what she doesnt do with some results.

After my current experience I think that you need to go with your gut feeling as far as if they meet your needs. It maybe that if they are not good at SC then they may be better with a family that dont need that. It is something I find very diifficult that an AP doesnt make kids a priority and is the one thing that I dont think should be tollerated

I have decided that next AP I will ask them specific Questions about their experience of housework, childcare and cooking. My current AP said she would do ironing etc but hadnt actually ever picked up an iron. I will also be looking for someone older.

I also make sure everything is written down in a itmetable now ( we are on no 5) so they can refer to that when they need to . I got mine from an aupir agnecy web site it was an introduction or something like that.

DIOM - just curious as to what would be considered a breach of family's privacy..? If your au pair is living as part of the family then will be sharing in lots of very personal family time..

My def of a breach of family privacy would be discussing the family, particularly something sensitive, in a crass way, with a third party. Going through our stuff with no real purpose (out of curiousity not genuininely looking for soemthing, etc.)

DIOM concur?

I was told things about other families from my AP last year that I was sad her AP friends felt the need to share with their friends. You can't STOP it but you HOPE they will be more mature/considerate of you.

OP: I have to say I dont' expect loads from the AP given their experience, what we are paying, and age. Basically I expect them to keep the children safe when we are not there, be loving towards them and treat them equally, and engage with them if not be Mary Poppins (not read a book most of the time!!) when they are with them. We keep housekeeping to a minimum.

One of our APs was more proactive than the other and we counted ourselves lucky.

But this is jsut us.

The key question I would ask yourselves is, does the AP create MORE WORK for you overall? If she is making life harder rather than easier for you given what she is doing int he things that are most important to yo, i woudl let her go.

If she's just not as efficient as she could be ideally speaking, I would just toss it up to what it can be like to have an AP and try to recruit better next time maybe?

It's not that I think the tick sheets are a bad idea it's that I'm wondering whether it would create resentment on the APs part (she already sounds fairly immature) and ironiclaly more work on yours pursuing it...Maybe it would turn her performance around but instinctively I doubt it.

This thread is a year old! Hopefully metro's managed to resolve tye problems by now and has a lovely new AP.

sorry - didn't notice as I went to page 2 and say DioM's reply on the 10th March and assumed it was this year..! There seems to have been a lot of old messages that have been resurrected recently..

Still curious about the family privacy issue mind.. From your response Harriet I just don't see how you could ever make this into an issue for gross misconduct. I can't see any other business being allowed to fire their staff for gossiping about work with other people unless they worked for GCHQ.. Likewise if your au pair goes through your stuff - how do deal with that if nothing is taken or you only suspect that they may have gone through it.

How you dealt with all of these things is highly dependent on the circumstances.

You need to be comfortable with the person you're living with - going through the wardrobe in my bedroom, rooting through my work things in my office - she would have no reason whatsoever ever to do either - would make me feel very uncomfortable and I wouldn't continue to have someone in my house that did these sorts of things. I wouldn't lose sleep over asking them to go. We're not the sort to 'sack on the spot' - I'd pay her notice etc. I would also read bad mouthing us as a sign she's unhappy - so the discussion I woudl be having is eitehr cut it out or you're unhappy enough to go.

Curious as to DIOM's thoughts.

Like if I caught her in the act - we are not so paranoid we go round suspecting the APs of doing things.

Harriet, about your interpretation of a breach of family privacy:

• discussing the family, particularly something sensitive, in a crass way, with a third party.

I agree. It is always worth including 'breach of confidence relating to the nanny's work or the private or business affairs of the family' or similar in the contract as an act considered gross misconduct.

• Going through our stuff with no real purpose (out of curiousity not genuininely looking for soemthing, etc.)

This one is a bit harder. I believe that generally speaking, a breach of contract has to result in a loss to be actionable. Breach of confidence can clearly result in a loss (either financial, or compromising a child's safety etc.), but sacking someone just because they know what colour your underwear is, is a bit arbitrary. You would certainly have to put that in the contract as the 'man on the Clapham omnibus' would not otherwise consider it gross misconduct.

Treesa: "I can't see any other business being allowed to fire their staff for gossiping about work with other people unless they worked for GCHQ"

Or in the health care, social services, or education sector, or anywhere else where personal information is concerned.

It's never legal to sack someone on the spot.

Well that is simply not true. In fact you can sack people whenever you like and in whatever way you like (unless you are being discriminatory), although if that dismissal is unfair or wrongful they may be entitled to damages.

I totally agree mranchovy if you are talking about patient records or any other information that is governed by safe haven or other confidentiality clauses. Anybody using hospital services would quite rightly expect disciplinary action if sensitive information was lost. Saying that there have been some huge losses of personal data and not just in hospitals - in the MoD, local government and finance institutions as well. I can never recall any instances of people being dismissed after losing memory sticks, or having their laptops stolen from their car etc..

In comparison an au pair is living on equal terms with their family. They share in family life including all the trials and tribulations. That is why I am curious about what makes for breach of family privacy - bank account details, Mum's true age etc.

If the au pair revealed details of bank accounts, life insurance or pensions then I think most would think it justified..

If an au pair was sacked after make disparaging remarks about the state of little Johny's school work, and how he was allowed to play on the X-Box all evening long and watch any amount of mindless TV etc, then I think the man on the Clapham omnibus might feel she would have been hard done by if she lost her job by it.

After all how many people on here spend hours having a good old moan about their au pairs. Granted most can't be identified usually but it shows that human nature loves a good moan..!

If you've signed a confidentiality agreement, no matter what your job, you could be fired for gossiping about work. There are lots of jobs which don't necessarily involve state secrets but handle privileged information... Someone got fired from my sister's office recently for talking about a particular file they were handling in very abstract terms. Apart from it being common courtesy not to disclose information about your employers domestic staff have access to huge amounts if information just because it's left on the side/their boss asks them to find something/because they need to know.

I wouldn't be looking to dismiss for gross misconduct in so far as getting out of paying her notice etc of the examples I've cited (unless it's bank acct details as you said - but we are really going to extremes here.)

But I would not tolerate someone persistently running either myself or my children down if I thought it was really unfair. I value my quality of life and the person who lives with us should like us! I appreciate people need to have a moan from time to time -what I had in mind was something more pernicious really. As I said, the context is vital here.

I would just be relying on the fact that I could dismiss her based on the fact it's likely she would have worked for us for less than a year - pay her notice and offer a flight back or if she wanted to stay a bit of time to find another post.

I can't quite see how this would be the wrong side of the law?