CM CLUB - Feeling hurt

[Mugginsere]

I've namechanged so if you know who I am please don't say, not that you would.

I've been caring for a totally adorable mindee since she was a baby, she's now 3 and is leaving, mum has said she is leaving due to location but I know it is because I sent her home ill last week. The thing that is upsetting me most is that although we've had our up's and downs I've always got on well with her mum but when she gave notice she said she wasn't willing to pay all of my notice and has been very off with me, I think we have sorted out the payment issue BUT I'm hurt that after all this time she really thinks so little of me that she would try to wrong me over money and also although I sent mindee home I have still caught the illness and am struggling to work whilst not feeling 100% and deal with this stress over money/ family issues and the emotional upset of losing a much loved mindee.

I know she has her reasons for doing it and I was actually starting to think it was time we brought the contract to an end too if I'm honest it just hurts that she is being so cold towards me, I'm trying very hard to be happy and smiling so we don't part on bad terms but she is making it really hard

I also had some sad news yesterday, my sm's mum has died which is really sad, though she was old (95) and my cousin who is not even 30yrs old is in hospital with cancer, this has come as such a shock and I just feel like hiding away for a few days tbh but I won't I will hold my head up high, work hard trying to find a new mindee as without the money we can't pay our bills and we are taking our dc's on their first holiday abroad in a few weeks (another reason for leaving as needed cover for holiday), everything is booked and we need money to take with us, I'm worried about all of this.

I know, I know mindees leaving is part of the job and who was I kidding when I thought they actually gave a damn about me and my family, it still hurts though.

Oh, what a terrible time you are having. It's so hard holding everything together when so many things pile in on you like this. And being treated like this by someone you regard as a friend as well as a client is very upsetting. It does sound as though the parent, as well as yourself, had already been thinking about ending the childminding arrangement. That doesn't make you feel better though, does it? Try to concentrate on your own family, and look forward to your holiday. It is very sad when the children leave. I've seen a few go over the 19 years I've been a CM. (I have one leaving today and am sad about it). It doesn't get easier no matter how many times it happens.

Try to look at this one in a different light. If the parents don't respect you enough to pay you the correct notice, or to understand that you can't care for sick children then they could just be the type of client you don't want to work for.

I hope you soon find new mindees, and that you have a good holiday. You deserve it!

thanks oneday - That is why I was thinking of bringing the contract to an end, because of the attitude (thinks she has the upper hand and me over a barrell/ ungratefulness problems when ill/ holidays etc even little things like never sending any wipes or apologies for anything eg sending mindee home when ill, instead of an apology I got short shrift as if I was lying when she knew she was ill because she told me she had given calpol but I gave the benefit of the doubt anyway and now I've been ill since friday and still no apology for it just my notice and stress over money. I really think I deserve to be treated better after bending over backwards to please her and because I care for mindee.

Poor you it sounds like generally you are having a rough time and things may actually get better when she leaves and you can make a fresh start with a new mindee.

Its always hard to find the balance between friendship and childminding. Sometimes it doesn't seem to matter how much the NCMA or authorities push us to be "professional" many parents still see us as glorified babysitters. Unfortunately I am terrible at being "professional", I dislike the business side of it and also become attatched to my charges letting the parents get away with small things that grow into larger issues.

My husband is my grounding, when I worry about letting them down or if I can't be ultra flexible, (oh can't you just have him/her an extra hour), he always asks, if the boot was on the other foot do you really think they would care? and to be honest, not many would.

Mugg - I am so sorry to hear about your SM Mum and your cousin .

Unfortuantely as an ex nanny I have all too much experience of how a once happy relationship can turn sour over money and other issues and all the happy times in the past immediately forgotten.

You need to remember this is her issue and nothing you have done. You h ad to send home a sick child and she should appreciate that. She is in breech of contract for not paying the notice period. I am sure she would have something to say if you asked her to remove her child immediately.

{{{Bigs hugs hun}}} (yes, I know who you are! ).

Things are REALLY rubbish right now but I KNOW this is for the best. I know the history and I for one could not have worked with a parent that treated me this way. I'm a firm believer in fate and I believe something better will come for you, I really do!!

I'm really sorry I have to rush off now for the pre-school/school runs but I'll be on MSN and try and come and chat to you tonight (sorry, bad night last night and then fell asleep - got mindee here til Saturday so depends on how busy get with them tonight but do nag me!! )

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I think I know who you are too. It's a shame that things have turned out as they have but you have nothing to feel bad about, you only did what most minders would have done when you sent home the sick mindee. As somebody said to me yesterday after my tribulations -some parents don't deserve good minders.

Thanks for the support xx
I think you are right rosie it will be better when it's all over although I will miss my mindee a lot.

I did tell mum that I know it's down to sending her home but that I had no choice and I would do it again because I have to consider other famillies and my own family too.

I'm really hoping someone new comes along to start in April so that we don't have to worry about losing the money too much, we really can't afford to be without it every day without means more debt.

You live and learn - how true!