Caring for children after school very long rant.

[4kidsandlovingit]

Hi just wondering which of you care for children after school and how do you entertain them.
I currently have two boys (9 and 7) after school three days a week until 5.30 although they often get picked up before then. That in itself shouldnt be a problem but its their behavoiur that is really pissing me off. They have no respect for me or for my DC or the little ones I look after. They love going in the garden but weather has been crap and mum wont send any spare clothes/shoes for them so cant go out cos they would trash their uniform. Im already the 2nd minder as there was a falling out with the first.
Ive had other after school kids and they have been great they play with my kids eat their snacks and are generally really pleasant to be around. These two are the complete opposite. Ive banned them from going upstairs with my boys as they jump on the bunk beds and throw things around, they jump on my furniture and no matter how many times I tell them/shout at them they do it over and over again. Hubby has even lost his rag with them before and he is very laid back normally. (i know he shouldnt have done it but its his house aswell). They have no manners, they fight, Ive even found poo on my towel in the bathroom after one of them has been in there and a couple of small items have gone missing from boys bedroom. ( I havnt accused because they were only found to be missing after they had left and I have no way of proving this). Ive spoken to mum about the fighting and the youngest saying he is bored because he lives on one games comsole or another when he is at home and she just say yes they do that at home but they arent at home and its getting me down. Ive got to the point that I dont want them in my house, it disupting my eldest childrens homework and Im just dreading it in general. I feel responsible though as the previous minder is the only other one in our area (village) and if I give notice then I feel like Im letting her down and I`ve never had to give notice before. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! That feels better.
Any advice would be gratefully received failing that just ignore me knowing that I feel slightly better to have got it all off of my chest!

er sounds simple to me, Terminate, its disrupting your house and family, its not worth it and do not feel guilty.
Just tell her that after the Easter Holidays you can not have them, you do not have to explain yourself and that should be enough notice.

I've just read it again and the simple fact that its disrupting your eldest doing homework is not fair on them. No amount of money is worth an upset resentful family. xx

I would give her notice. At this age, they are old enough to know better and if you're not getting any support from the mother,it may not get any better. And you've already mentioned it's affecting other children and your husband!!! I think pooing in the towel would have been the last straw for me! They may be better off going to some kind of club with lots of physical activities, football or something. Give her a sensible notice period and grit your teeth until then!

Thank you for your replies I know its what I should do its just getting the balls to do it. I hate this side of business and Nancy10 Im already gritting my teeth so Im sure I can do it a bit longer.

I would first have a serious talk with the mum and tell her that if the situation doe snot improve you will have to give notice. She might, after hearing that news, go home and tell them to shape up.

Poo on the towel in my house would have had them doing the laundry.

I would get very firm with these boys. I would staight up, if you want to come to myhouse after school, these are the rules. If you cannot follow them, I will have to tell your mum.

1. Be nice to children smaller than you
2. Don't shit on my towels
3. If you don't obey 1 and 2 I have some nice math work books for you to study - quietly and in separate rooms. There WILL be a test.

Why won't mum send play clothes? Could you have one set of clothes for each of them at your house that you wash and store in a basket? It's a bit of a pain for you I suppose, but probably nicer than putting up with their hoodlem behaviour.

If my 7 or 9 year old behaved like this, I would be very strict with them. And I would be so embarrased about poo on your towel. Did you tell her about that?

Give notice, they sound awful!

I shudder to think what they're like at home!

Care of older children must not adversely affect the care of the younger children - Ofsted rules!
i would have a very serious chat with mum and tell her that a behaviour strategy has to be implemented with both of you working together and there is a time period to work within otherwise you are terminating

I would give a written warning to parents, stating the problems and what you want to achieve, be very plain that if behaviour doesn't improve by x date then you will terminate the contract for care. Put a copy of your behaviour policy with it as well. Do you have a good behaviour guide?, I give one to all newbies in the welcome pack.

Sit down with the boys and state very plainly that their behaviour is not acceptable in your house from now on it will be like x, y, z. Get them to write the house rules down and sign it you sign it too. Ask them what they would like to do also, sometimes offering responsibility for a task makes a big difference.

It can be hard looking after different age groups, try to have some activities laid out for the older ones to distract them, that really small lego is good for that age group.

I would tell their parents how bad the behavior has been and ask them to talk to the boys then if things don't improve give them notice

Does the school offer any sort of after school care or club?

I agree about speaking to the mum first, to give her a chance to sort them out.

What kind of things have you got for them to play with after-school? I have boys around that age, they like k'nex, lego, playing on the wii etc.

Could you stop by a park after school to let them burn off some energy? Assuming it ever stops raining

If shes all ready gone through one cm I think you are wasting your time.

Parents sound weak and silly.. I wouldnt put up with crap like that from any child, my own or mindees, your dh and children come first so if it was me it would be notice.

Get rid - kids like this make our job unbearable and if you dont have parental support you will get nowhere. The first time you terminate a contract is the hardest but you need to do it for your sake, your families sake and the safety of your other mindees. As a cm who also uses a cm, I wouldn't be happy if I witnessed behaviour like that when i picked my ds up and it would deter me from recommending her. This could be affecting your future business.

Jesus, a nine year old is jumping on the sofa?? Sorry but that is not on and I don't like the fact that actually you've already told Mum that they're bad and she hasn't done anything. Quite frankly she clearly knows they're a PITA as she's already gone through one childminder, but tell her again as others have said and if she wants childcare then she'll pull her finger out and bollock her boys for their behaviour - or she'll lose the childcare. I have found the older after schoolies the easiest, it really shouldn't be difficult I don't think and personally I would've terminated the contract a long time ago I think!!

Woops, should've put paragraphs in there

Jesus, a nine year old is jumping on the sofa?? Sorry but that is not on and I don't like the fact that actually you've already told Mum that they're bad and she hasn't done anything. Quite frankly she clearly knows they're a PITA as she's already gone through one childminder, but tell her again as others have said and if she wants childcare then she'll pull her finger out and bollock her boys for their behaviour - or she'll lose the childcare.

I have found the older after schoolies the easiest, it really shouldn't be difficult I don't think and personally I would've terminated the contract a long time ago I think!!

There!

i had a child aged 5 for the school hols just gone and she wiped poo onto my walls in the bathroom WHY??????????????

mum just laughed when i told her i dont know if it was nerves or she didnt care but oh my word i would have been saying one hundred sorrys if that was my boys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have just read your post, why the hell should you or any childminder/nanny put up with this?

I have had more or less exactly the same, in fact last week the father terminated the contract from allegations from other parents that I had 'verbally abused' his boys which is totally untrue, that I shouted at them and I did not, I asked them to do something such as walk, not run to the car out of school gates and just generally behave while in my care. I should not have to ask 5-10 times especially a 10 yr old. He said I swore last week at them which I have never done , in fact I am always telling them not to swear. I just wanted them to behave in my house too - they would also go upstairs and nose in my eldest son's room and private bedrooms and yesterday I find a porn site has been used on the computer. I put myself out for them and I got nothing in thanks ever.

Why do parents always take their kids' side, I wish now I had documented everything at the time but now its my word against them and they think I am making things up against their little angels (NOT!) They were without doubt the worst behaved kids I've ever had the misfortune to mind. I wonder now why their last childminder left, could it be she had the same problems?

mum2luke, I know just where your coming from.
The youngest one calls his dad "gay" to his face and has no respect for him at all.

I get so pissed off. My 4 kids are DD 11yrs, DS 8yrs DD2 and DS2 6yrs. I wouldnt put up with it from mine so why do we put up with it from other kids. Similar situation a few weeks ago. Collected from school and both started climbing wall which has pointed fencing on top of it. Talk to get down risk of injury etc to whick eldest (9yrold) replies "that cant hurt me". Told him a story about an impailment I have been to (ex police officer) and how not very nice etc. So they got down and now dont climb on the walld when I collect them However I have seen then collected by nan and mum and aunt and all 3 let them climb on the walls and none of them bat an eyelid. WHY DO I BOTHER IF THE PARENTS CANNOT BE ARSED???!!! I do feel like I am talking to a brick wall/ banging my head against a brick wall. My 4 look like complete angels compaired to these two (including the hormones of DD1) but then I dont think the parents bother. Last week (just after I posted this strsngely enough) they were really good almost to the point that I would have wondered if someone had twigged who I was and had a word with them had there been more time. But then dad arrives just as hubby pulls up in driveway. Hubby says I will tell 4kids your here which he did and I rounded teh boys up only to find that dad had got back in the car and was waiting for them rathed that walk down the path to meet them. No Hello, thanks nothing. says it all really. I must admit I have been wondering what exactly went on with the last CM. Definately more than meets the eye to that one cos parents were very good freinds with her aswell. Hubby and I have agreed that I will sit them down and get them to agree to a behaviour contract (similar to the anti bullying /good behaviour policy they have in school) and if after two more weeks things still havnt improved than contract will be terminated. One way or another it will be sorted.
Thanks to you all for your words of advice/ support.

randomly just reading this thread, but dmo, from a psychological pov, and knowing from experience as a teacher and working with EBD children specifically in the past, the wiping off poo on walls is usually a definite sign of emotional disturbance. It's actually very, very sad and something deeper usually needs to be addressed.
Sometimes it's experimentation of course - but at age 5, generally not so.

Sorry posted too early. As a teacher, I would be required to formally write up this incident and inform the school counsellor, who would contact the parents.

Mum2Luke - Do you have parental controls on your computer? I wouldn't let either dc's or mindees use computer unless I'm in the room with them.

It sounds like a case of very poor parenting and possible abuse (neglect/emotional). Make sure you keep a written record of inappropriate behaviour. Speak to class teachers/head teacher as they may already have concerns about the children.

It's hard to say whether to terminate or not...the boys need a safe, stable environment, but you do need to put your family and other mindees first. I think I probably would.