Mum needing advice about CM request

[rupertandfifi]

Hello

my dd goes to a cm one day a week as I work 2 days. My mil has dd the other day I work.
Dd has gone to this cm since Aug 09.
I am pregnant and due to finish work around end April.
I was wanting to keep dd going to cm until Summer holidays so she has some continuity as not feel pushed out by baby etc. Plus dd loves going. She is very socialable and enjoys meeting new people.
Mil is very good (our only support) but she has lots of hobbies she enjoys and is very busy throughout the rest of the week.

Cm has asked me if I can swap dd's day - in fairness she has given me a good choice of other days as she presumed dd would be leaving quite soon and has agreed to take on more children now; one of whom is needing the day dd goes currently. However, as I only work 2 days and mil cannot swap due to her commitments this is causing me some hassle.
My dh can have dd one of these days by taking annual leave.

I really like the cm and have said that when I finish work, I am happy for dd to swap to another day but currently it causes me some problems.
Of course, I realise my dd is "taking up" a day that could be used to generate more income for cm, so do understand both viewpoints.
If I go back to work, I would like baby to go to this cm, but obviously I am aware that unless I pay a retainer any space will be what she has left and I cannot guarantee the days I would like.

It seems pointless to pay for your DD to go to a childminder on a day that you're not working... (until you're on ML and just need a bit of a break any day.) Also, seems a waste of your DH's annual leave, what with another baby on the way.

Id the childminder won't back down on you not being able to continue having the day you need, until you finish work, then you'll have to decide how important the continuity is for you. You could find a new childminder soon rather than later, or get a mothers help (or au pair if you have a spare bedroom) instead to be an extra pair of hads with both children while you're on ML, spending the money you save by not having to pay a retainer, and then find a new childminder ready for both children when you go back to work.

Thanks Lymond, the things is, there is little flexibility in the days I work from a work point of view too; so I would be left stuck for one of the 2 days I work.
Mothers help or au pair not really for me - we have tiny house.
So my only option would be to find a new cm now but given I do not now need a cm for long (say 4 - 5 months) I may struggle as there is a shortage of decent cm's with vacancies. Plus of course, there is the fact that the continuity for dd would be disrupted.

I think you need to be able to tell your CM whether you want to keep your day permanently, or not, so she can plan ahead. I agree that you probably don't want your DH to be giving up annual leave, which you may want at a later date.

I think that your CM should have spoken to you before agreeing to take on another child - does the new child need to start straight away?

It sounds like it may be worthwhile finding a new childminder if you're thinking of going back to work at some point. I know it will be hard because of continuity though. Good luck - it's not an easy one, especially if you want to remain on good terms with your current CM. It's really a problem of her making though that she needs to sort out - not you.

Speaking as a CM the only way forward is going to be for you to sit down over a coffe with the cm and let both of you have the opportunity to find a way forward. Sometimes its difficult to communicate effectively with parents when we are coming and going with children so a convenient quieter time to sit down would be best.

Hope you manage to sort it out.

I think the CM should have spoken to you are not assumed you could swap. I'd give notice and look for another minder or nursery whilst your on ML.

i think you need to look at it from the childminder point of view. i think maybe the only reason the childminder is keen for you to swap days and take on the other child as she thinks you may leave and if she turns the other child down then you leave then she has no1 and no income. this is also the problem that a one day a week child can cause as childminders may lose out on taking a full timer on as the can only offer 4 of the days as the 5th is being taking up by the one day a week child.

Do you have a contract with her? If so, I can't see how she can swap your day before April?

She shouldn't have assumed you were leaving tbh - unless you hinted at this.

So I think it's up to her to accommodate you until you leave work and then you'll be able to switch days after the birth. It's only a few more weeks anyway.

Yes, have a contract - 4 weeks notice on either side.
I have never mentioned dd leaving as I / dh have only just made decision as to a)if we would have to take dd out and b) when that would be.
I do understand that cm took on dd for one day - she doesnt have any child for a full week though. I understand that she may lose more income than dd generates and of course I feel guilty about it, but likewise I would have to give up work and lose income for the sake of a few weeks.

I know what it is like as a parent to struggle to get childcare and have had to turn jobs down in the past when I could not get decent childcare. I am not blaming this cm (or any other for that matter) at all for this, but I have struggled through for a few weeks in order to get the cm I wanted.

Gluggy - will arrange to pop round and get it sorted out. That's the way forward like you say.
thanks

Yes stick to your guns, she took your child on for one day and that day was mutually agreed between you so she can't just go changing it without the notice period at the very least, surely.

Good luck with the chat.

I can see the CMs side in this too. I agreed to take a baby one day a week for mum who worked for herself from home. When other enquiries came along later, I asked if she would be willing to change days, and she said no, and so I have lost out on the possibility of at least a dozen other client families since as they are blocking what could be a full time place. With hindsight, there is no way I should have taken the child on, but they are now part of the family and there is apparently noone else who would offer those hours. I have stuck to my word (for two and a half years so far!) but it does rankle when I think my own family would be better off if I could be harder and give notice, especially when I think the mum could be more flexible if she put her mind to it. If I had followed friends advice, I would have given notice ages ago, so you can't rule out the possibility that your CM will feel obliged to do this if the current arrangement doesn't work for both of you. I think you need to sit down and try to work something out together.

minderjinx - I have said I can change days when I finish work not that I won't change at all. I understand that the cm can get more revenue from another child.
It's just until I finish work and go on mat leave that I am struggling to change. I am more than happy to swap days when I am not working - in fact I would be happy to have a different day each week if it helped her out iykwim.

In this case, I think my cm presumed dd was leaving before / when I finished work.

I am seeing her this evening so hopefully we can get something sorted.

In your case - have you explained to the mum that it would help your personal finances if she swapped days?

Sorry rupertandfifi - I obviously missed the bit about being happy to change days later. For what is now a matter of a few weeks I would have thought you should be able to agree something between you. Also agree that she should not have made assumptions about your future plans, and if there is a problem because of that it is largely down to her to deal with it. But maybe an offer to cover a week or two using DHs leave would also be seen as a helpful gesture.

As for my situation, thanks for asking - not really relevant to yours, so sorry for going off at a tangent, but yes I have made it clear that it is costing me a lot of money, not to mention leaving other mums without childcare but all I have got back is a vague "well other days don't really work for me" with no explanation or apparent willingness to discuss. Basically it would be down to me to force the issue, but I've wimped out for too long to do anything now,and Pre-school is now only just around the corner, so I think the end is in sight.

I am a cm and my sympathys are with you. She shouldnt have 'given away' your space without asking you first. Thats just unfair,and unproffesional, especially hard on you at the moment as well.

However you are where you are.. either sit down with her and work something out thats mutually acceptable or look elsewhere.. children adapt so easily really and bet your little one would settle with another cm or maybe a nursery just as well.

please please think again about the annual leave situation with your dh..you will need those days for a family holiday.

best of luck and let us know what happens.

Sorry, I have just realised I did not update after I saw cm.

We have managed to agree that DD will continue to go to her on the day she already goes and then once I finish work, DD will swap to a different day / days depending on the week and both of our commitments.
In the meantime, I have also been able to secure a pre-school place for dd for one afternoon, with the possibility of more at a later date (sept)

I do not know if I will be able to use her services if I go back to work after this baby is born as she fills any vacancies quickly and I am not in a position to pay a retainer.
However, we will see where we need to make that decision and take things from there.

Thanks to everyone for your help / advice