My nanny used to be great...

[Feelingoptimistic]

Just need a bit of a moan and maybe some advice.

I have had the same nanny now for 3 years, and for the first 2 years she was wonderful. She then had a baby, and because she was so great, I was keen for her to come back with the baby, and this obviously suits her really well too. But over the last few months, since she came back with her baby, I am starting to feel a bit resentful about her attitude to her job. She is still very reliable, etc. but I can just see that her heart is not in it.

Another part of it is that she is getting paid the same amount as before, but I don't think she realises that it's actually quite a good deal, since she gets to work with her baby. I posted about this a few weeks ago, about how she wanted a pay rise. I ended up giving her a very small nominal pay rise, but I don't think she realised that it was a bit unreasonable of her to ask for one in the first place.

She obviously can't give my DD the same amount of attention as before, and also no longer does things like ironing DD's clothes, etc. Twice a week when my DD is at nursery school in the afternoon she goes back to her house after dropping off DD, and that also makes me feel a little resentful because I am paying for that time.

The thing is that I can understand that her focus has changed, but I am not feeling happy because I am paying quite a bit of money and not getting that much in return.

I am tempted to sit down with her and tell her how I feel, but I am worried that this will permanently damage the relationship. What do you think?

The relationship will be permanently damaged if you remain silently resentful too, so I don't think you have much to lose. Maybe you would have been better to pull her up on the things that have slipped as they happened though?

A review meeting sounds good - give her warning so she can bring up anything she wants to as well though. I would stick to concrete things like how she needs to keep on top of the ironing, and that the nursery hours aren't time off though rather than tell her she should be more greatful for getting a good deal.

Yes, I can see that I may have to talk to her.

Why is she going back to her house if she hasn't done her nursery duties - i.e. ironing?

I think it may well damage the relationship, but if you're not happy, then I don't see that you have a choice.

I don't think it's unreasonable as such to ask for a payrise -- salary is all about supply and demand and whether she could get the same working conditions elsewhere. If you have this talk with her, perhaps it will make her look at other opportunities and either she will realise she's got a good deal or she'll leave for another job. One of these will have to happen sooner or later, soyou may as well start now while it's still under your control.

But I do think it's unreasonable to go home while on duty and not do the ironing if that's in her job description.

For what it's worth, I would suggest talking to her sooner rather than later.
Talking from personal experience, different circumstances but basically I was getting very annoyed about our live-in nanny not pulling her weight and getting more and more comfortable in doing less and less (and what I felt was taking advantage of us being very undemanding and generous) that I was fuming inside. This went on for couple of months, I didn't want to say anything as didn't want to lose her (she is fab with my dd) or upset her but realised that I had to speak to her because I was getting into a state about it. So I did speak to her and she was fine about it, is now doing more and all is really good and I must say we are all more relaxed.
Of course you know this but start with praising her for what she is good at and how much you like her....
Good luck! I know it's tough.

It really annoys me when nannies quite blatently take the piss! I take my ds to work with me and I make doubly sure all nursery duties are done, the children are entertained/socialized and the parents come home to a clean and tidy house. There is no reason why your nanny can't organise herself and get things done.

I would definately sit her down asap and have a chat. If she wants to go to her house when your dd is at nursery offer her that option but make it clear those hours would be unpaid. You are paying her to do a job and she should do it. If you had another child, you'd expect the ironing etc done so certainly don't make allowances for her own child. There are plenty of good nannies looking for work so don't be afraid of finding someone else.

i used to work as a nanny and took my children to work with me.

I would drop off one charge at nursery and take the other back to his house where he would have a sleep. My 2 would watch TV while I got all of my jobs done.

I had 4 children under 4 and all of my jobs were always done.

Your nanny is seriously taking the pee and you really need to talk things over with her. If you don't tell her you're not happy with how things are, she won't know

you shouldnt have given in and given nanny a payrise,but i already told you that on your thread you did

if she is slacking on her duties, then you need to gently remind her that you dont mind what she does when your dd is at nursery previding that her nursery duties are done

maybe you can ask her to make some meals when your dd is at nursery

Thanks for all your comments.

I am going to have a gentle word with her next week when I get home a bit earlier.

If she really wants to go home while your DD is at nursery can she take some ironing with her? cook some meals for the freezer etc?

She should still do everything exactly as she did before her baby came along.So if ironing is in her job spec she should do it-she has plenty of time while your little one is in nursery.