advice needed about CM please

[tummytime]

My DD is 2.9 and has been going to a CM since she was 14mo when I went back to work full time. I went on ML with DS (now 4mo) the first week of October and DD went down to pt hours so is now with the CM 2 half days and one full day per week because she also goes to playgroup.

Over the last couple of weeks or so there seem to be a few problems with DD which the CM is phoning about. DD has always been bad about eating but the CM has phoned me a couple of times to say DD isn't eating and to ask what she should do. Today, I dropped DD off at 9am, and started driving down to see the PILs with DS. On the way, the CM phoned to say DD was being difficult and had bitten another child. She also said DD wasn't very well and to come and get her.

I've collected DD who is being very grumpy but is not showing any signs of illness. I'm starting to worry about whether the CM is either a bit narked to be looking after DD while I'm on ML or whether she now can't cope with DD. DD is being difficult but not I don't think, out of the ordinary for a toddler.

I've tried asking if everything is okay and been assured it is. What else can/ should I be doing?

That sounds a bit odd - I wouldn't phone a parent to tell them their child hasn't eaten anything, I can't see what the point would be . She should have a behaviour policy regarding the biting but if it was a one off it certainly wasn't something she should be phoning instantly about.

I wouldn't think CM should be peeved that she's looking after your DD whilst you're on ML, she should be happy to be really, seeing as you could've taken her out altogether then CM would be down a wage.....

I also wouldn't phone a parent about a child not eating (I would tell them at the end of the day). I would phone a parent to collect a child I thought was ill (but if they were just grumpy, I might try a nap first). Biting is something that comes with the job and as lolli said, she should have a policy about how to deal with this (and again I would tell parent at the end of the day, not phone).

I have cared for children while their parents were on ML and I currently care for a child with a parent that is a SAHM. If they pay me to look after their child, they can do whatever they like.

I agree with other posters these issues would be talked over at the end of the session, I definately wouldn't phone as soon as it happens (unless asked too). I also tend to find that children eat when they are hungry, sometimes they have off days and don't eat meals at specific times, so I make sure they have a good healthy snack later.

Sounds like their may be a bit more to things than CM is letting on.

Also I have looked after plenty of mindees with SAHM, it makes no difference whatsoever, they are paying me to care for their child whether they are down the pit or in the nail bar, I don't care.

I would have a sit down chat with CM to get to the bottom of it.

Thank you all so much. It just feels a bit as though she is a little frustrated with DD. I know it can be wearing when a child is acting up and not willing to do anything about it (like have a nap!) but it seems as though she has just started finding DD difficult.

I think it is probably my conscience worrying about whether I should be looking after DD full time although it is fantastic to have the time to sleep to be just with DS!

DD will be going back on Wednesday if well so will try and have a proper chat with her then. Good to know I'm not being a bit PFB to be surprised by this.

Has she only started ringing since you have been at home on ML with the baby?

I agree with the other CM's and none of the reasons (apart from illness of course) are ones I would call a parent over. She should have a policy re the biting and should be working with you to solve the issue (if indeed it is one and not just a excuse to call you).

I currently have a mindee (have had them for over a year) whose mum is a SAHM and I have never had the need to call her. I get paid to look after her child, she always pays on time, and I honestly do not care what she does while I'm looking after her child, I'm glad of the work and certainly wouldn't resent the fact that mum isn't working. I don't know any CM's that would actually.

I would ask your CM for a meeting so that you can discuss what her issues are and how you can deal with them, together, in a way that ensures your child remains cared for and not sent home/you called all the time.

Has she been a ringer before?

Did your daughter used to go full time and now you have reduced to part time only? Am wondering if she is looking for a get out clause so that she can get another full timer so that her earnings increase.

I'd personally be worried if she had to call you all the time, surely as a CM she should no how to handle situations and should only call in an emergency or if the child is sick.

She's never phoned before, even in the first few weeks when I was on ML. Occasionally I'd get a text if DD had been a bit clingy and crying when I dropped her off to say that everything was okay but the phoning really has only started in the last couple of weeks.

I've reduced DD's hours to part time, but am still paying for FT hours because most of it is covered by CC vouchers anyway which I still get while pregnant and partly because I need to reserve the place for when I'm back at work. I've also discussed with her having DS when I go back after ML so would be a bit surprised if she wanted to get someone else in - would be less surprised if she had concluded she wanted to be a SAHM but would still be surprised about the timing.

I think you need to talk to her and ask how things are going. Your DD might be behaving differently at the CM since you had the baby.

I think (LOL not knowing her or your DD), that your DD is probably playing her up a bit as she knows you are spending time with the baby and she would rather be with you not the CM, perhaps your CM is finding this emotionally hard to deal with (seeing your DD miss you & is perhaphs subconsciously engineering ways to make your DD happier)... just a thought.

I agree that she could be playing up because she knows you are at home. I have a mindee who is just 3. Her Mum has been on ML for 3 weeks. Baby due next week. she has dropped from full time to 2 days. She is whiny and grumpy, whereas since I started minding her she has always been happy and enjoying every minute she spends here. But I wouldn't dream of phoning her Mum to tell her. I just ensure she is busy and make sure she is in her usual routine here. Lots of praise and understanding. She leaves me in two weeks and will not be returning as she will start preschool in another area in September and I won't be able to mind her as I already pick up/drop off at a school near here.

your CM is a professional and should know how to deal with these situations.DD may be being difficult because she knows you're not going to work-i had the same problem with a child i cared for because they were feeling left out;they were being left at my house all day and mum was going home with baby.Your CM should think herself lucky to be getting full pay for a PT space!!Have a word with her if you are not happy.