Please help me to decide what to do withmy mindees now that I am pregnant!

[TheBreastmilksOnMe]

Hello! I am 6 weeks pregnant and I work 5 days a week at the moment looking after my own son (17mths), 1 full timer (8mths), 1 part timer (3yrs) and another part timer (17mths).

Now this isnt a problem, the problem is in the summer when I will potentially begin working a 7 day week after taking on a 5yr old boy at the weekends and throughout the week during the holidays from April until september.

The father hasn't signed the contract yet but will probably next week. I said I could do it before I found out I was pregnant and the money will be very good. I'd also love to have an older child on board and he sounds as though he needs a 'mother figure' as his own mum abandoned him last year.

I have all these thoughts running through my head about what to do for the best but I know I am going to be exhausted and I suffered badly from PGP last pregnancy and that was a much quieter year without a toddler to run around after so I just know that it's going to be worse this time.

As soon as the little boy will finish with me I'll start maternity leave which will leave me 6 weeks before my due date. Please help me to decide what the best thing to do is. We have been struggling financially lately so I can't help but think of the money side of things but I don't want that to be a priority even though it's a very important factor, obviously.

I can't live on peanuts with another little one on the way. I also don't want to be in pain and heavily pregnant with an active little boy who deserves a fun and active CMer. Help!

Is it going to be every weekend or just some because dad does shifts. That would help me decide. I agree it sounds as though the Dad & boy need a constant figure and if you have to give up because of ill health that could cause problems potentially for the boy. Have you met the boy yet, if not make sure you meet him & perhaps suggest a visit without dad before comitting to the contracts to see if he is going to fit in with your family, you might find that at weekends he would be like having an older son around than a mindee & therefore less 'work'.
Good luck in making your decision.

working 7 days for anyone is exhausting let alone when pregnant. Yes the money would be good but you need to seriously consider your health.

I personally wouldn't do it, pregnant or not. Having a 6 year old boy myself, I can just imagine what that could be like (but then again he could be a nice quiet little boy who just gets on with it).

I've decided I never want to be pregnant and doing this job again but that's based on the ages I had when pregnant. I had terrible SPD from around 12 weeks and had a triple buggy to push and I used to be in tears every evening from being exhausted and in pain. I also found the lifting them in and out of the car really hard the further on I got. But then again, they were all very young at the time (by the time I was 5 months pregnant I had an 8 week old start and the rest were 10 months, 12 months (and then a 4 yr old and my 5 yr old ds). It was exhausting going back to that when ds2 was 10 wks old as I then had 4 under 19m old and the older ones. It's great in some ways (all close together, growing up together like one big happy family) but extremely hard work. I know your case is different but I really would think about the impact having this lad would have every weekend. If you had a child of your own a similar age then it would probably be better but I'm not sure I'd have the time (so much other stuff to catch up with at weekends) to constantly be entertaining them.

Could you maybe agree to holidays but say you can't do weekends? Or would it not be EVERY weekend?

It would be every weekend plus all the holidays, looneytune- you sound just like me last time I suffered with SPD and no doubt it will be worse this time around. When I finished for maternity leave 6 weeks before due date it couldn't come soon enough. I would have given anything for a dull sit down at the office type job!

I'm really not relishing the challenge to be honest, fair enough if I wasn't pregnant- I did say yes to the dad unbeknownst to me that I was pregnant. I have discussed it with my DP and he says that I should do whatever I feel I need to do.

would you be able to wrk 7 days a week with no days off not being pregnant never mind pregnant. thats a lot of wrk you ll have no time for yourself i think everybody needs at least a day off a week

I could probably do it if I wasn't pregnant as it's only from April to the beginning of september but I am really thinking twice about it now that I am pregnant and the more I think about it the more it doesn't sound good especially considering I suffered quite badly with SPD last pregnancy.

My SPD 2nd time round was so much worse than the 1st time. I could hardly walk and had no choice but to pay for a series of treatment with an Osteopath as otherwise I'd have had to stop working much earlier and would have lost loads of income.

What about if you told the dad you're pregnant and no longer want to commit to this arrangement but if he's stuck and no one else will do it, you'll give it a try on the understanding that you can stop if it's too much? Would that work?

Good luck with whatever you decide

Did the treatment help looneytune? What did it entail? I could try saying that but I'm worried about having to drop the bombshell on him leaving him with little time to find alternative care at least if I tell him now then he has some time to find another CMer. I think I have decided really, there's no point in going round and round in circles about it I just need to work up the courage to phone him and let him down. I also look after his daughters son and I don't really want her to find out I'm pregnant yet I suppose I could ask him if he could keep it quiet for a while...

I think you need to make sure that you get adequate rest times even if you do decide to go ahead with the 7 day week. Please put yourself first - we all often forget to do this, although i quite understand that finances will be an important element. Perhaps you could explain the situation to the parent and some kind of compromise could be reached so that you provide the care and support you feel this family needs as well as getting some time to recharge the batteries.

Could you do this but get a teenager in to help you at certain times? Obviously they can't be left in sole charge, but they can play with the kids/fold washing/tidy toys/finger paint whilst you supervise with your feet up! You might be lucky enough to find one who needs some 'hours' to complete their childcare course at school - or a dope like me who would have done it for free at that age just because I loved babies

Could you do shared care with a local minder - maybe alternating weekends or days in the week?

Thanks for all your suggestions and I have decided to tell the father that I cannot do it. I explained to him that I would rather err on the side of caution now, before he needs me so that he has the time to find another CMer than take his son on and get half way through the summer, not be able to continue and leave him up the creek without a paddle. He was fine about it and very understanding thankfully! I feel much better about it all now as it left me with a sense of dread. I'm going to take it easy as I don't want to be crippled by SPD this time around.

It's always a relief when you have done something you are dreading; I'm glad he took it well. Good Luck with the pregnancy, take care.

Thankyou