Advice greatly needed regarding childcare expectations please!

[cloudydaze]

Hello,
I am currently trialling a woman who is helping me with housekeeping/looking after the children. I am a SAHM with a 3yr, 2yr & number 3 due in a few weeks. So this woman is additional help, I am not expecting her to be sole charge of all the children at any point or do all the chores.
So we just had our first week together & overall it went well. The kids seem to like her (they take a while to accept new people but they are only showing positive signs towards her) and she's good on the housekeeping side of things too. All her references were glowing & she's had a CRB check.
My only concern, at this stage, is that physically she seems to be struggling keeping up with me & the children. She's a tiny woman so her stride is rather short but she can't keep up, when walking, with me who is about to pop out a baby & pushing a buggy (me not her with the buggy).
I'm trying to weigh up over the weekend if it is key for her to be able to run at the same speed as the children. Am I being unrealistic? My children are rather speedy & I am used to them & can be quite speedy myself though obviously at the moment I'm slightly hampered by the bump!
At this point everything else looks like it will be ok but if she works out, my plan is that there will be many cases where she is sole charge with at least one child & it may be running around in the park.
What do you think?
Oh & I was also wondering, is it normal for her to have an hour lunch break away from our home? I haven't employed anyone before so not really sure though I always thought that home help had lunch with the family esp as there will be many times where I will need her to stay at home with say the baby so I can take the boys to nursery etc She just seems to be a bit inflexible on times though I did stipulate that I needed someone who could be flexible as I don't know how it will all work with a newborn & the other children.
Thank you so much for reading my post & any responses I receive, greatly appreciated!

Interesting situation this.

Why can't she keep up exactly? Is she aged, unfit or just a ditherer? In your position, I'd be wanting someone to be quick enough to keep up tbh.

Not sure about the lunch issue... I expect you would need to negotiate that. In what way is she inflexible? Do you mean that she won't do what you ask her to do? As you are her employer, she should be agreeing to reasonable requests.

How flexible do you need her to be? Most people want/need to have set working hours, it can be difficult to change your hours every day or week.

With lunch, it depends really - if you are around, and it isn't a problem for her to go out for a lunch break then it would probably be good will to let her. Most nannies don't get a chance to go out for a lunch break of course! I think that's one you have to negotiate with her.

As for keeping up, it depends why she struggles physically?

Lunchtime is probably a time when you will need help with the older 2 if the new baby needs feeding/changing/rocking etc. I'm not sure if a housekeeper would get an hours lunchbreak, but a nanny or Mothers help wouldn't. She would eat lunch with the family and take breaks when there is a lull in activity - when children nap/watch tv/are busy with an activity that doesn't need close supervision.

If she does have an hours lunch break away from the house (and you decide to agree to this) then she should not be paid for that hour - just as you wouldn't in a shop or office.

Hi,
Thank you for your prompt replies!
I guess, in terms of flexibility, I have said to her from the outset that I might need to change her hours (not extend, just move them) once the baby has arrived (though I really won't know 'til he has arrived) and whilst she said that was fine up front I'm now not so sure she's ok with that as she seems to be very clock watchy.
I don't mind her having a lunch break externally, it's just that she's dictated what time she wants it (1-2pm) and again, whilst it's ok at the moment I just don't know how it will work once the baby arrives. My children have their main meal in the evening so lunch is just sandwiches/fruit etc usually so don't need much help with them. But again, I don't know how it will work once the baby is on the scene, esp as I plan to b'feed as I did with the previous two.
She struggles keeping up with them physically because, having to be critical to answer, she's unfit & a bit overweight. I was thinking it was perhaps because she is short (she must be about 4'10) but then just realised that she's still obviously much taller than the boys so yes, it's because she's unfit. I am quite fit, esp from chasing little boys for the past few years (!!) so I'm not sure if my expectations are a little unrealistic. In regards to age she is a year or two younger than me, so she's 34/35 yrs (can't remember exactly without digging out the paperwork).
I do like her apart from this which is why I'm torn. If I didn't think the boys liked her or she was hopeless at other tasks then it wouldn't be a hard decision to make. I also know that when it comes to my children I am very much the possessive 'lioness' so will be looking for faults to ensure I am as happy as I can be with the person I am willing to (eventually) trust on their own with my children.

I think the off-site lunch break is a really unusual request for nanny/mother's help. What did she do before she worked for you?

She's done both cleaning jobs & mother's help - helping with children. I don't actually mind about her wanting to take an off-site break as long as it works around the children. She is entitled to a proper break though I am pleased to hear it isn't just me who finds it slightly odd insisting on disappearing from us for an hour.
My major concern is the fact she can't keep up with the boys & wondered what others would do in this situation.
Thanks for responding, I'm so struggling over this.

I think you need to go with your gut instinct and by the sounds of it you aren't convinced by this woman.

I agree with pippin26, any concerns now will only get worse. I would be looking for a replacement who will give you piece of mind.

I feel, and will probably get shouted at, that if you're going to look after children you need to make sure you have a decent level of fitness and flexibility which means you can keep up with them. If you can't physically keep up then it's endangering them. In fact I would say however fast a young child can run you need to be faster, or between them and any potential danger at all times (which is unrealistic!). If one of your children makes a dash for a pond or a road you want her to be able to get there to stop them.

It sounds like this woman can't keep up. The reason for it is immaterial, the fact that she can't would concern me greatly.

The lunch break is odd but for you to sort out between yourselves. Agree she doesn't get paid for it though.

Thanks everyone, yes, I'm thinking the same thing frakkinaround about you really need to keep up with the children. We live in central London, on a busy road & surrounded by busy roads so I am paranoid about the traffic. Especially as the boys road sense (try as I might!) is still rather poor. The older one is getting there but I still don't trust him 100% based on experience & the 2yr old's road sense is zero.
I think I'm going to see how she goes this week with it as to be fair she only went out with us twice last week (she's only starting p/t) but unfort if she can't keep up with the boys, let alone me in my rather slow pregnant state then unfort I guess I'll have to let her go & find someone else.
Thanks so much for all your feedback, I guess you've said what I have been thinking.

Cloudy: Does this woman have any health problems that you're aware of? I'm getting curious about where you live...

No health probs as far as I'm aware. We live in west london, why are you curious about where we live??

Parts of your posts have reminded me of someone who used to work for us. But I haven't given a reference recently. And also she hasn't been a cleaner.

Harriet, so were you in a similar situation & you obviously dismissed the person - if you are giving references. If this is the case was it because she just couldn't keep up with your children?

What actually happened was that she was on a relatively short fixed term contract due to our personal circumstances, so the relationship came to a natural end. Which was a relief. She disclosed a health problem when we were in the process of offering her the job. It was nothing terribly out of the ordinary and I know several people who successfully manage it, so I wasn't so worried. After we hired her it was clear it was worse than she said it was and affected her energy levels in the ways you describe. Then another problem - undisclosed when he hired her but serious - emerged just over a month before she ended up leaving us and she was off sick for a bit. Similiar physique to your nanny overall (well, identical). And absolutely lovely with my DC too.

I was seriously stressed about what to do about it, but it all ended up coming to an end anyway as baby came a month early! We would have definitely had to go down the route of getting a letter from her consultant/GP she was fit for the role if she continued to work for us.

I was curious if you asked her any questions about her health before hand, in a general sort of way.

The reference I gave was for a different sort of job, BTW. And she was subject to a health check from an Occupational Therapist before they offered so. So, I felt fine about that situation.

the speed/walking issue does seem weird, but maybe she just walks slow, if out+about, then 2yr is in buggy+she can hold onto 3yr hand/make her hold onto the buggy when near roads

lunch hour request seems very strange and i would def say have lunch at home, she can eat a sandwich/pasta while watching the children

On bad days i think my dcs run faster than me

If she seems to have very low energy or health problem (like in Harriet's case) i would worry. But 'speed issue' hmm... i think is more important to be responsible with safety issues (car seats, not running in the street etc) A good childcarer should -mostly- be able to 'manage' children without having to physically run and lift/pull them. Although i know in some cases you have to.

Don't forget grandparents do excellent job, aswell as older childminders and parents with disability.

Unless she needs the lunch hour away for health related reason?..

It's different for grandparents and parents with a disability though - when you're nannying it's not your child so I think you have to hold yourself to a higher standard. If you're going to be in sole charge of a child in a park and you can't run as fast/faster than them and they speed off, as children sometimes do, you might lose sight of thema and then what are you going to say? I would feel terrible if I had to say to a parent 'I'm really sorry, I don't know where your DS is, he ran off and I wasn't fast enough to follow'.

Older childminders I can't comment but the ones I've seen were more sprightly and active than me! I've never seen a 60 year old move so fast...