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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

how to broach subject of shopping with cm

26 replies

thrifty · 09/02/2010 12:59

Hi,

I wondered if anyone can help me talk to my cm (and also friend) about shopping trips. Ds had been with cm since he was 1, he's now 4 and starts school in september.

over the last few months cm seems to do a lot of shopping trips with ds. term time he's at pre-school 2 mornings, so in the last couple of weeks, 2 of his 3 days with her have been treking round the shops. whilst I'm quite happy he's getting the excercise (30min walk into town), I'm not so happy that when i ask him how his morning was he says "we went to lots of boring shops". He has just admitted that they also went to the library today too, but mostly the shops.

I don't want to fall out with cm at all, we live very close together, her DD is friends with ds and I do like her. so how do i broach the subject that I'd rather she didn't trek him round the shops?

OP posts:

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lonelyplanetmum · 09/02/2010 13:46

As a start to the subject why don't you say you'd like to treat them to a trip to a local children's farm if there is one or some other local activity.

Then you can say ...yes he really likes doing things like that or we took him here at the weekend and I'm sure he'd like to go again.

You need to emphasis the positive and suggest the outings for them.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 09/02/2010 13:47

4 year-olds are not the most reliable of reporters. His "mostly the shops" might be two or three swift drop-ins followed by an hour at the park, but it's the boring stuff he recalls. Check with her - maybe a breezy, "So, what are the plans for today?" when you next drop him off.

MadOldCrone · 09/02/2010 13:53

OldLady knows her stuff. I was thinking the same.

Ask him to get specific - he might flounder.

dobby2001 · 09/02/2010 13:56

My 4yo used to tell me every night that her cm hadn't given her any dinner - I was appaled until the penny dropped that she was watch Daddy make our evening meal whenever she said this...

I quick dramtic - "oh no, I am ringing X up right now to talk about this!!" put a stop to it and yes i told cm who from then on reeled off what they had had for the 2 corse dinner plus after school snack

TheBreastmilksOnMe · 09/02/2010 13:59

As a CMer I am very busy and as soon as my last mindee goes home I have my own son to sort out, meals to make, paperwork to complete, house to tidy and prepare for the next day and activities to prepare also.

Once a week I have to do the weekly shop and if I am very busy then a mindee will have to come along also. CMers are different from nurseries as they work from their own home and do it alone (usually). I don't view taking a mindee along with me to do the weekly shop as a bad thing, not the way I do it. I include them in the activity and it's a positive learning experince to be doing normal, everyday things with childen.

It's not something I would do more often though so if it is something you are concerned about, just ask! I appreciate honesty and openess in my relationships with the parents and I'm sure your CMer would too! I also second what OldLady says about 4yr olds not being reliable informers!

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 09/02/2010 14:01

Ah, yes, shopping as educational experience.

nods vigorously

becstarlitsea · 09/02/2010 14:03

Last weekend I took my DS out for the whole day so that DH could get some work done - we have very small flat, he needed quiet to work on computer.

We went to cinema and saw 'Ice Age 3', then out for lunch, then to the park and played football, then to the soft play and stopped off at the supermarket on way home - we just bought sausages and potatoes for dinner - only two items - and there wasn't much of a queue. When we got in DH said 'What did you do with Mummy?'
DS: 'She just took me round the shops. It was so boring'
DH: Nowhere else?
DS: No, just shops.

He wasn't intentionally lying, it was just that the supermarket was the most recent and most boring thing we'd done, so it blotted everything else out from his mind!

I growled 'Tell you what DS, next time we really WILL just go to the shops' and made myself a soothing cup of tea!

pippylongstockings · 09/02/2010 14:05

Can you ask your CM to write up a little diary type thing of their day ?

My CM does this, it's great for sharing messages back and forth when you don't want little ears to hear - but also my 2 DS like me to read out the diary when we get home and I ask them what their favortie bits have been. She sometimes sticks photo's in it or sticker if they are trying for certain good behaviours. (I guess CM could bend the truth, but unlikely)

Original poster

thrifty · 09/02/2010 14:13

yes, thats a good idea, oldlady. dp drops him off in the mornings, and i pick him up at 12.30,so i'll ask dp to ask her what her plans are. (then he can broach the subject - [wimp emoticon])

he said they went to lidl and wilko's this morning. so not what i'd class as lots of shops, but to him it is i guess.

OP posts:

HarrietTheSpy · 09/02/2010 14:15

This sounds a bit like my DD and most of the children in her class. "What did you do at school today?" "Nothing." "Nothing at all?" "Playin'."

That's about it. Not sure 4-5 year olds are the most reliable witnesses...

thebody · 09/02/2010 14:25

agree with all of the above and I think its too late now to broach the subject with her as she is your friend and he is starting school soon so is probably outgrowing a cm anyway.you may loose her friendship and probably not worth that as these concerns arnt REALLY serious.

perils of paying a friend .. better to use a registered cm( sure she is but you know what I mean not a friend )and have a professional relationship.

CarGirl · 09/02/2010 14:34

she really should be doing a daily diary for you anyway?

Skegness · 09/02/2010 14:39

lol becstarlitsea!

leeloo1 · 09/02/2010 14:42

Lol, not advice re CM at all, but more on unreliability of 4 year olds... when doing teacher training, the best bit of advice I got was that last thing before hometime you get all the class to think of the favourite thing that they've done that day - then there's a fighting chance that when they go out to their parents they can tell them about 1 of the exciting things that they'd done rather than all say 'playing'. (although we did explain to parents that children learn thru' play etc).

Although so often what they came up with as their favourite things were 'playing football' (at lunchtime) or 'eating lunch' - made me soooo glad I'd spent ages planning and organising fun stuff for them!

ihearthuckabees · 09/02/2010 14:59

Is it really the end of the world if your child minder is being a little bit unimaginative, given that he only has a few more months with her? My advice would be to not sweat it, and focus on the postives - he's getting exercise, fresh air and learning that life isn't all exciting, fun, interesting or 'about him', as he will have to come to terms with this when he reaches school.

Sorry if that sounds harsh - I'm writing in a hurry!

underpaidandoverworked · 09/02/2010 16:04

My mindees used to love going to the shops - they had their own 'shopping lists' and we used to talk about fruit, veg, shapes, colours etc as we went round. It is a life experience - can't see what the problem is tbh. We went to garden centres etc - Ofsted loved the fact the children were taking part in activities that helped them develop socially and emotionally.

And yes,as the parent of a 5yr old who tells me he has done 'nothing' at school, agree - wouldn't worry too much about what you are told at the end of the day

thebody · 09/02/2010 16:30

one of my mindees always says she has sphagetti for dinner every day..(she never has actually)

its turned into a joke now, but I used to feel really worried that the parents would believe her so I took photos of her eating dinner for a week, no sphagetti in sight and showed them to the parents.. they thought it was a good laugh but imagine if they had believed her!!

RosieGirl · 09/02/2010 16:54

One of my midees tells his mum he goes to the park every day even if we haven't.

littlestarschildminding · 09/02/2010 18:14

I had a mindee (in the days before daily diaries!) who used to tell his mum he had a slice of pizza for lunch and one for supper EVERY day (with nothing else). What amazed me was that it took his mum weeks of this before one day she finally asked if I could vary the menu or add some veggies...we laughed about it for months once she realised he was telling porkies to get another cooked meal at home every night.

Blu · 09/02/2010 18:19

Just ask her!
Say your DS has been moaning about going to the shops - and ask if this is a bit of exaggeration on his part, or has she been taking him more often that usual.
It saves a lot of energy to just ask!

HappyMummyOfOne · 09/02/2010 19:20

I'd just ask too, I can understand popping locally for an urgent item or shopping for mindees food but shopping at Wilkinsons etc should really be done in her own time rather than when she's being paid to mind children.

thebody · 09/02/2010 19:24

bless the little......s

dobby2001 · 10/02/2010 00:27

Actually when op said it was wilkinsons and lidl i immediatly thought ah yes wilkinsons is great for craft stuff and lidl has just had "office supplies week" so if it were me they would have all been work related shpping trips

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 10/02/2010 01:00

Troll ffs

Would a 4 yo recall and tell you wilkos and lidls? really? And not be in a preschoool?

cory · 10/02/2010 08:57

What boring imaginations your los have! My dh told his Mum that they were teaching him wrestling at school. Cue: MIL storming into school to tell them off for irresponsible behaviour. 55 years later MIL still cringes at the memory

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