How to say no!

[pinklips]

I am just wondering what anyone would do in my situation! I found a childminder through the usual searches and spoke to her over the phone. We discussed my hours and all the details like when I return to work etc. Anyway, I was convinced I thought she was the one but when I went to meet her it was a different story! Her house looked dirty and when she got her file out, she flicked through at such a speed that I had no chance to read anything. What I did see was a lot of out of date stuff! She didn't offer me her ofsted reports and I soon found out why. One was a 4 (the worst) and the other was only 3 because she'd done minor improvments to her last.

She seems convinced that my kids will go there and I have decided 'no way'. She wants to arrange a settle in day. How do I say no thanks without offending?

I think you have to tread a fine line between being honest but not provocative. I'd mention the poor Ofsted ratings as why you aren't going to place your children with her - might give her an incentive to improve! Say something like, if I was making this decision based solely on our telephone conversations before we met then I'd go ahead with using you but I found the Ofsted reports off-putting and I have decided to use a childminder who scores more highly. You probably will offend her but she isn't a friend or a relative so you are unlikely to see her again and besides, so what?

Be honest. Say you were impressed over the phone but didn't get a chance to look at her file properly and weren't impressed by her house or OFSTED reports so won't be placing your children with her. If you say nothing she'll never improve.

i don't think you need to give her any reason (and i am a CM, too). you could merely say that you think your child would be best suited somewhere else!

agree with numberfour - keep it brief but tell her asap. No other reasons needed than you've decided against the place.

I'd rather know why someone didn't want me so I could do something about it tbh. Be brave.

I'm the same, I wouldn't want to say. Being a wimp I'd say something like 'Oh, I've decided to look at a few other options before I make a decision,' then call back and say I'd found something closer, more suitable. I agree that it's good to give reasons why you've chosen not to go with her, but it's difficult!

It doesn't sound to me like she was very forthcoming with YOU about her situation. Did you have to trace the OFSTED reports online eventually? They are the ones actually responsible giving her feedback to improve, and it sounds like this process is already ongoing.

You could find yourself in a discussion with her about the relative merits of OFSTED, what she's planning to do to improve, etc. If everything was otherwise fine and you were taken aback by their findings, she had loads of other good recommendations, I might consider whether I could ignore her rating and hear what she had to say. But it sounds like your gut instinct is saying no regardless of whatever she might have to say in her defense. In which case, the truthful answer is "I just feel my children would be better suited to another setting for now."

Thanks everyone. I had a gut instinct and went with it really. I did have to trace the ofsted reports online. I will call tomorrow and say a combination of the above comments. I will be nice but mention the poor ofsted so she might (or might not) improve. I'm sure ofsted are already on the case and keeping an eye on her if she is that bad.

Cheers