How did you decide who would look after your child?

[whattheheck]

My dilemma is this. I have two options for childcare at the moment because I have a job that has come up at short notice and all the nurseries/childminders I had originally looked at are not possible. I have a childminder whose references are glowing and we can afford but I find her a little brusque (when my daughter was crying when I went round this morning she was saying 'oh she's going to be difficult to settle, she's a bit of a drama queen isn't she?' which put my back up - but I guess it might just be her manner and me being a sensitive first time mum). Or there is a lovely Montessori nannyshare whom would mean that me and my partner basically had about £150 each after mortgage, bills, childcare etc paid for month. I just don't know what to do. Obv I prefer the nanny but I don't know if we can afford her, and am I overreacting to one stray comment? How did you find it?

that probably something i would say without evening thinking. i wouldnt mean any1 to take offence or anything. some children just are clingy and do take a while to settle and i can usually spot those children straight away and probably to say to the parents it will take a will to settle. where as some children come in really confident and excited and you know they ll have no problem settling.
i dont think her comment means anything and it surely wont affect her childminder skills and abilities am sure shes a great childminder as you said yourself her references were great.

I would be at a brusque manner and a comment like that TBH. I hate labels, if a child minder called my child a drama queen, it would get my back up too.

She may be genuinely wonderful, and her manner just takes a bit of getting used to. Or your alarm bells may be ringing for a reason.
if it was me I'd want to know more, to be sure that I wasn't either missing a great opportunity / placing my child with someone unsuitable.

Could you speak to her referees maybe? Be honest with them about your concerns? Or could you meet her again and spend a bit of time with her, and see how she interacts with your DD? I'm new to this employing a childminder lark too, so I don't know what's the done thing, but surely it's reasonable to meet a potential childminder more than once before handing over your DC?

I would also have another go at finding other CMs to interview, and leave the expensive Montessori nanny as your contingency plan if all else fails.

HTH

I had a similar feeling from a child minder I had to arrange over the phone, she was a bit brusque with the kids in the background (was across other side of country). But on meeting her and DS settling in, she is absolutely wonderful, takes no nonsense from them, and takes a lot of time teaching them different things (colours, numbers), manners and general behaviour. Just like a home.

I found with DS that if he felt comfortable and got down straight away, explored the toys and started playing, then she was the right one for him.

We rejected one CM because her house was so immaculate, it didn't look as if any child had ever set foot in it. We also didn't want our DD driven everywhere.

We went for a lovely CM; no car, busy, un-tidy, not untidy house, with books, a garden, school pickup children in the p.m. DD learned to walk all over the place, go on buses, sit in greasy spoons cafes and wait patiently, socialise with other children.

I knew the CM was the one when I saw her lean over to wipe a child's face with the nearest dishcloth. A woman after my own heart. The last would probably get her banned by OFSTED now, but her unfussy, firm and loving ways were beyond price.

JMS is right; you must feel comfortable.

i spoke to two referees she gave me, both were glowing and said their kids had got on really well with her. They both said she was old school (she must be 50-60s) and brooked no nonsense but their kids had reacted well to it. DD (before she cried and got tired) was sitting playing on the floor and she is clingy with everyone.
Echt the house is VERY tidy - which is not my style either but to be fair she has not had any kids for three months as her last one left in October
There is another CM more my style but not free until April and different days available from what I want. This job has come up at short notice and is a six month contract so I have to start in March

I am a CM and my house is immaculate, unfortunately DF throws a complete strop if it's untidy and I'm not in CMing for the domestics!

During the day I let the kids wreck the place as much as they like, but I do make attempts to tidy up the main stuff like lentil/pasta play, water play etc as soon as they're finished. Then the house gets a proper going over before DF gets home at 19:30 just to appease him really and also so that it's clean again for when people drop off in the morning.

I did have one woman come in and the first thing she said was 'is it always this tidy in here?!' and I jovially explained the situation and she saw that whilst the kids played they made as much mess as they liked and she wasn't put off, her son comes to me 3 times a week. It's funny how it does put some people off though.

she got a 'good' for her ofsted which is i suppose a good thing and the ofsted report said she was kind and tactile. Maybe I am just overreacting about my PFB going anywhere....I don't know....feel so concerned about getting the childcare thing right

Well I think you said yourself that your LO is clingy, if that is the case then it just sounds like the minder has called a spade a spade although I know it's sometimes not nice for someone else to point things out. Personally it'd probably get my back up a bit too. I think the fact that you've made a topic about it means that you're not sure about the minder, keep looking until you find someone you like.

FWIW i don't think you are over-reacting. It's really important you feel comfortable with the childminder you send your DC to, PFB or not!

I think it was a bit tactless to make those remarks - but it also sounds like there was at least an element of truth in them. I find it quite refreshing when I meet someone who says what they think, not what they think I want to hear. Perhaps you would get better ongoing feedback from a CM who tells it as they see it? And perhaps her "brusque" manner was covering up nerves - the previous parents clearly found her approachable enough, but initial meetings with parents can be quite daunting, especially if the parents in question are very anxious.

yes i know - am aware i can be overreacting. It may be just she has a very different manner to me (i work in a professional where you are always trying to get a consensus and so am used to doing the opposite if you see what I mean).
She seems very confident - my way or the highway - but I guess that could be covering up nerves.

FWIW I thunk you do have time to shop around as it were.

I'm going back to work next week - I only got the job last week. I've been looking for childcare for only a week, and I think I've found someone fantastic already!

I got the list of local childminders from my local council, but also I found this brilliant website www.childcare.co.uk have a look I'd be surprised if you can't find at least one more decent person to interview.

I don't think you're overreacting. Tbh, I hate the label 'clingy'. What does it mean anyway?! When we're talking about young children like that, 'clinginess' is just being normal! I would be very negative to someone implying that 'clinginess' is an isssue, a problem that my child has, while in reality its just what toddlers/babies are like.

So I would definitely not go with someone who used that kind of labelling, but that's just me, you may feel differently in the end. I would look around a bit more, if it were me, its so important to find the right person for you & your family, someone you feel comfortable with.

thank you for that maria2007loveshersleep - will look at that website.
She also said that there was no guarantee she could settle DC in 3 weeks even if we came every day (going from 1 hr to 2 hr to half a day) but no guarantee she would be able to do so. Is my first baby so I don't know but she seems to think my child is particularly difficult.
I am more than happy to do anything that makes DC feel settled but I feel a bit and that she thinks its going to be so hard a job. I thought most children of this age clingy.

I would go nannyshare if you can afford it.

I really don't like the childminder's comments or the 'old school' or my way or the highway bit you picked up on myself.Clinginess/crying is normal and I would want someone who was lovely and cuddly for my PFB.Did she get down with and interact with your dd during your visit?

I have always seen childcare I'm comfortable with as the most important thing while I'm working and am willing to sacrifice most of my wage for this.I look it as a longterm goal in that once the dc are at school I'll still have my job but will then get my money back again.

I like having a nanny as I am the employer I can have more say in how I want my dcs' days to be structured.What is the nanny like?

the nanny is lovely and very cuddly but the other family have just pulled out and i can't afford her on my own - I am really due a run of luck as everything going wrong at the moment!...so looking around again to see if any other options.
Just really down!

Did you try www.childcare.co.uk?