What can I do to encourage sharing ...

[lollipopmother]

I have a 26m/o coming tomorrow who is fiercely possessive of the things she's playing with/holding, it's actually a bit of a nightmare as she doesn't have any words yet either (as in she says 'Mama' and 'Dada' but that really is all that I can understand and everything else sounds the same and is shouted, she doesn't really babble just shouts this one sound).

Anyway, this little girl is lovely when she's on her own, when DD goes for her nap she's like a different child but chuck DD in with her and it can get a bit dicey as the mindee if she's not 100% will just scream and then cry whenever DD gets close to her and I can see that DD doesn't know what to make of it and it makes me feel really sad for her as obv. mindee is in our home and not letting her play with any of her own toys

I realise that this isn't mindees fault, she's only 2 so she's not doing it on purpose, but it's affecting other people as it's such a fierce reaction - wwyd to try and help?

I think I need some punctuation tips as well!

Is she allowed to play with a toy undisturbed or do you want her to let other children join in with her?

I don't really do sharing as such - more taking turns. Could you use a timer, so the child has a 5 minute go and then has to hand it over to whoever is waiting for it?

In my house I allow whoever has the toy first to keep playing with it until they put it down somewhere then once they don't have it anymore any other child is entitled to play with it. I don't tolerate snatching or tantrumming and if a child is being possesive over a certain toy I will encourage them to share by reminding them that everyone can play with the toys in my house. I don't let my DS (16mths) take toys from other children or vice versa and if it happens I take it back and give it to the other child regardless of the shouting/crying/fussing it causes. They need to learn to wait their turn and that they cannot have it all their own way.

Another thing I encourage children in my setting to do is solve disputed between themselves. I don't jump in as soon as there's a commotion, I watch them and wait to see how they sort it. It's great for encouraging skills they need to negotiate. I really hate it when people jump n staright away at the first sign of disagreements.

If children don't learn how to work disputes out for themselves when they are small they will have difficulties as they get older. I heap praise on them when they do nice things for each other and make the right choices and as long as they are not physically hurting one another or being bullyish then I try and let them work it out for themselves.

I think it's important not to expect more of children than you would of adults when it comes to social interaction too - if I'm busy reading a book or doing a jigsaw I'd be really irritated if someone else wanted to take it from me or join in!

Missus84 - You've got me thinking now! I always make sure that whoever is playing with a toy first gets to finish before someone else muscles in, but there are some toys that I have always viewed as a group activity, like playing with the farm set for instance - yes only one barn but hundreds of figures and DD and her friends have never had a problem with playing together with it.

I don't know whether I've got unfair expectations but tbh with this mindee I know that the possessiveness is more extreme than you'd expect, she stands there and screams this sound if DD gets within a foot of her just to pass her iykwim not even to go for the toy.

TBMIOM Yes, agree that children should be allowed to sort things between themselves, unfortunately though one is 26 months and doesn't speak and DD is 16 months, so there's not much negotiating in the air atm!

can your daughter keep some of her favourite toys in her room so that the Mindee doesn't get to dominate her whole life?

Oh, I see, she's 16 months old.

Personally for the screaming I'd take whatever is being screamed about away, but then I'm not a child minder and you're probably not allowed to do that.

I'm only mentioning it because ds2 went through a stage at 2 years when he screamed every time his brother touched anything, and I solved it by IMMEDIATELY taking the object of desire away with a firm NO SCREAMING

lollipop - this is totally normal behaviour for a 2yo... it actaully doesn't sound that extreme to me..
You can encourage them to take turns, rather than just saying 'share', but obv your DD is a bit young to understand that as well. Same rules for your daughter as for your mindee.

I know how difficult it is when you are CMing and looking after your own child at the same time - you feel extremely protective when the other children are making your DC cry, and very guilty when they take your time as well.

I'd work on the screaming rather than the sharing I think - if my 18 month old charge gets worked up about something to the point of screaming then I do tend to take whatever it is away and/or have her sit down and calm down before carrying on playing.

Even if she's not speaking, is her understanding ok? I'd try explaining to her that she can keep playing with X calmly and DD isn't going to take it, but if she screams and carries on then you will remove it.

lollipop I didn't actually mean properly negotiating LOL! I meant leaving them to sort it out in the way they know best!

For example my DS who is 16mths old keeps on going up to one of my mindees who is 17mths old and giving her over-enthusiastic 'hugs' which usually knock her over which she doesn't like obviously, so instead of me telling him to stop it and interfere I've let her develop her own way of dealing with him and now she just shouts 'NO' at him whenever he comes to close which puts him off his stride and learn that she doesn't like it and it allows her to set her limits.