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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny inviting other children to play - advice please!

24 replies

gairdeachas · 27/01/2010 19:09

I was wondering if anyone could advise me. I pay one of my neighbours to act as a nanny to care for my 3 children aged 3, 5 and 7. She has been doing this for the past 4 months. On two occasions in the last week she has invited another child round to play, without informing me or my husband. These "play dates" had both been arranged spontaneously after school and had not been planned.

I am concerned that other children are coming round to the house and I am not aware; also I am paying her to look after my children, not anyone else's. I know it is nice for the children to have friends round occasionally, and we do arrange this for them at weekends. I am concerned if there are any legal issues relating to her having responsibility for other children in our house. I am sure she has arranged the visits in the interests of the children. I would never have asked her to have other children round, as I think the three of mine keep her busy enough, and her pay is relatively low.

So I suppose my questions are, are there any legal issues with having other children to play when in the care of a nanny, and what do other people do re playdates?

Thanks for any advice!

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thisisyesterday · 27/01/2010 19:11

i think you're crazy!!!

i think it's lovely that she is happy to arrange playdates ad hoc, and willing to look after extra children. and it's lovely for your kids too.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 27/01/2010 19:14

If it is a play date (are in the US btw?) then is the parent there too? ie so someone to talk to for her too.

It seems to me that you annoyed someone is getting free childcare whereas the children are enjoying having friends over.

It is your house so you can ban all visitors but you might find yourself looking for another nanny.

Original poster

gairdeachas · 27/01/2010 19:44

No, I am in th UK - just used "play date" for want of a better term! No the other parent isn't there - in that case I wouldn't feel there was an issue as, as you say, would be company for the nanny and the nanny would not be responsible for that child. I don't see this as someone else getting "free" childcare, as it is obviously not a regular thing and only for a couple of hours. Yes, I probably am crazy to worry when she has done a nice thing that I would have felt was an imposition if I asked her, but childcare law is so complicated I thought I'd check what people do!

OP posts:

drinkyourmilk · 27/01/2010 20:31

As a nanny I invite kids round fairly frequently. The family also have 3 children, then I will have an extra 1-3. As far as I am aware there are no extra implications than you having children to play during the weekend.

Rangemaster · 27/01/2010 20:39

Aloowing your children to have friends play after school is a crucial part of their development..I believe.

When they reach shcool age it is important that they build memories and/or closer relationships with school friends. If they are restricted in this on a daily basis then it may put some children off playing with your child.

It also good for the siblings to learn to interact with siblings friends etc...they all learn from one another.

I think the question you need to ask yourself is...if one of your childrens friends asked you little ones over to play then would that be ok? This meaning your nanny havee 1 child less?

If that is ok, then surely its ok for a child to come over and play if the nanny is happy with it. It is all good stimulation for you children. IMHO.

nannyl · 27/01/2010 20:49

i always invite kids with their nannies / parents round.

the kids love it and so do i!....

i wouldnt work for a family who had a problem with it!!!!

Strix · 27/01/2010 20:54

I think this is pretty normal nanny behaviour. I encourage my nannies to organise swaps at the school gate. In fact I facilitated one myself today. DD is in a dance festival during half term. Nanny wants to go. I am not asking her to take holiday to accompany me. But I have contacted the mum of one of DS' friends so DS can go over there while nanny, DD, and I go to the dance festival. And, in return, friends mum has a free ticket to pawn her two kids off on my nanny whenever she needs a day of no children.

Technically, it is nanny's job to look after DS while DD goes to the festival. But, she wants to go and it's no skin off my back if she wants to come with me. I think it's nice that we have a nanny who wants to watch the festival. And DD will be delighted to have us both there to watch her.

Happy nanny --> Happy mum

squeaver · 27/01/2010 20:56

My dd regularly goes to other children's houses where the adult in charge is a nanny. When I had a nanny, she did it too.

I have never heard of anyone (nanny/employer/other parents) have any problem with this whatsoever. I certainly don't think of it as getting free childcare from someone else's nanny. I think of it as my dd going to someone else's house to play.

Can't help you with the legal question, but would you be asking the question if it was you having kids round to play? Don't think so.

poppy34 · 27/01/2010 21:20

My nanny does this all time- mostly he mentions it sometimes she forgets. No big deal as am happy to trust her to do what she thinks best.

Missus84 · 27/01/2010 22:28

Isn't one of the biggest advantages of having a nanny instead of using a CM or after school club that your children can have friends over after school? Perfectly normal, and can't see what the legal issue would be.

Original poster

gairdeachas · 28/01/2010 10:44

Thanks for your comments. In fact it is far easier if nanny has friends here, as one of my children has a nut allergy and it requires a lot of explanation of food / what to do in an emergency, so not all her friends parents are happy with that, which is fair enough. Although it is nice for the nanny to have one or two less occasionally! As my nanny lives a couple of doors away, she likes to take the children to her house sometimes for a change of scene, which probably isn't allowed by care commission rules, but I have no problem with it! So looks like we can happily have other children round whenever seems like a good idea! Thanks again

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/01/2010 10:44

as a nanny i often invite childrens friends over, i have 3 dc and easier if both older 2 have a friend each or they end up annoying each other, so often i end up with 5 children

works both ways, no 2 went to a friends tuesday and no 1 is at a friends today after school, so nice that i get to send a bit of 1 to 1 time with the other (bubba is happy to chill at my feet)

Op - be grateful you have a fab caring nanny who is looking after your children -there are many worse things she could be doing then having friends round to play!!

Strix · 28/01/2010 11:25

"which probably isn't allowed by care commission rules"

Who/what/where the heck are they?

PlumBumMum · 28/01/2010 11:32

Surely the other parents are aware shes a nanny and have given their consent, unless it really bothers you, I don't see the problem.

Original poster

gairdeachas · 28/01/2010 19:12

Sorry for digressing, Care Commission is Scottish Equivalent of Ofsted - I am north of border! Not really relevant to the thread anyhow; just pointing out I do want to keep my nanny happy and I just wanted to make sure that she would not have any problems having other children to play. I have never employed a nanny before, and she is not trained in childcare or worked as a nanny before, hence we are both very new to the whole thing! It just seems to me that there are a lot of rules and regulations around childcare.

Anyhow, My query has been answered I'm happy!

OP posts:

Strix · 29/01/2010 11:41

Ok, you scared me. i thought there was a new nanny state government initiative who was going to tell me what my nanny could/couldn't do.

Few.... relieved now.

Good luck with nanny. Lots of good advice on this board. Come here for free advice whenever you need it.

greenday · 29/01/2010 11:52

I think what really bugs you, and all you really want is for her to inform you beforehand. I would be delighted that the nanny arranged playdates for the children, but a bit peeved if I wasn't informed about it. It quite wipes us parents out of the equation of control.

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/01/2010 12:35

greenday, do you expect to be informed of everything before it happens?

my mb leaves me to it, she trusts me and knows that whatever decisions i make will be good ones

if i rang her up every time i needed permission to do something/have someone round etc, then i would never be off the phone with her

greenday · 29/01/2010 12:47

Not permission, just to be informed, that's all. And not before everything happens. Just to be informed, whenever.

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/01/2010 12:50

i normally inform at end of day,as plans can change

i pick up mb from station and we have a chat about the day,what we have done etc,then talk about complete crap for rest of journey

maybe your nanny can do a diary and then you know what they have done

Missus84 · 29/01/2010 15:41

I sometimes let my mb know what's planned or what we did, but generally I don't think she's that interested in the details of our day!

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/01/2010 21:17

thats sad mississ-why do you think that?

Simplyme · 30/01/2010 11:05

We have a 'family' calendar on the wall. We all have our own section and put down dates etc. So for example I'd put if I was out or away for weekend, MB/DB put if they're out or working late so I know I'm needed for babysitting and likewise with the children we write down all playdates, parties, DRs apps, school matches etc.

I don't inform MB as to what we have planned etc but it is usually all on the calendar so I don't forget that so n so is coming round etc.

MB trusts me to plan the day with the best interests of the children - generally she knows what they are up to but plans do change etc or we do last minute things.

nbee84 · 30/01/2010 11:20

Going back to the bit about a nanny taking children to her own home. As an Ofsted registered nanny I have nanny insurance - I'm pretty sure I've read somewhere that my insurance wouldn't cover me if I was in my own home with the children. I do very occasionally bring them to my house eg. at Christmas they wanted to see my trees and decorations.

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