DD hates nursery. CM better? How do I find a good one?

[Hulla]

DD is almost 1yr old and I have just returned to work. She's had 3 sessions at nursery, yesterday being the longest and is now like a different child. She is clingy, upset, not sleeping, not eating. I am devastated that it's had this effect on her. She has to go back tomorrow and I cry every time I think about it.

Would she do better with a CM do you think? How do I find someone good? I feel sick at the thought of leaving her at nursery. We want to move house this year is it cruel to change CM's part way through the year?

If anyone has any advice I'd really appreciate it. I am desperate!

TBH I'd leave it a while longer before you decide. It's likely she's crying becuase she's not used to being without you, not because she hates nursery! It will get better. If she's still the same in a few weeks then re-think. I assume you've asked the nursery staff how they think she's settlingin...?

I asked and they said she cried all day yesterday. I expected them to say she'd been mostly ok but they seemed shocked by her behaviour. They said she won't eat/sleep/drink milk there either.

I just feel so guilty and upset. She's only going two (non-consecutive) days per week so I'm worried it will take a while to settle in.

I am a CM and although I'd love to say she'll be over the moon if you move her to a CM, I think you may just have to give it a bit more time. Some children find it hard to make the transition to a new place. Did the nursery offer her settling in sessions before she officially started, to get her used to the idea that you would come back? I would only worry if the nursery do not seem confident that they can help her learn to enjoy her time with them.

She had two sessions one with me and one without. I've asked if I can do more on my days off but they're not keen.

Thanks for your replies, I'll see how it goes. I'm just struggling to shake the feeling that nursery doesn't seem right for her. Perhaps all working mums with dc at nursery feel the same. It's all new to me really.

Hulla
i totally feel your pain. im currently looking for a childminder but struggling to get a good one so it seems nursery it will be. if i were the nursery manager id let you come and settle your little one for as long as it took but maybe thats why im not a manager i think id be too soft. if the nursery dont seem supportive id look elsewhere in a few weeks. im dreading july when i go back to work. im like you and so worried my little one wont settle. i wouldnt take her out straight away but at the same time i wouldnt keep her in too long either.
what id like to know is if she went to a cm would the cm have the time to cuddle her and help settel her. can a cm tell me? i know your a busy gang, i must admit i didnt appreciate all the work you had to do until i did my research, but the reason i wanted a cm is because often they are more mature and mothers themselves where's all the nurseries had young girls. whatever you do, i wish you all the very best and dont forget to let us know xxxx

taytotayto I am rubbish keeping up with my paperwork because i am always cuddling babies or getting involved in other ways with them

taytotayto - I'm a CM and have just taken on a 6 month old baby. She, like the OPs baby, seems to be having a bit of trouble adjusting to the change and cries a lot, but only when I'm not holding her. So I have just got a baby carrier so I don't have to put her down! I'm being paid to care for this baby and allowing her to cry all day because I can't/don't want to hold her isn't acceptable to me. I've seen other CMs who are happy to leave the baby crying but I just can't, she's crying because she's upset and my job is to keep her happy. So, in answer to your question, yes some CMs would have the time to cuddle her for as long as she needs, until she feels safe and secure and is settled in enough to be put down without crying

I'm a CM and I'm just about to take on an 8 week old little girl and just like Chickenmama I won't be leaving her crying, in fact I'm really looking forwards to having a baby that wants me to cuddle them, rather than wants to whack me with her dolly!

ah i so wish you all lived near me, id love to find a cm who would cuddle my baby as often and as long as she needed. you lot are great and deserve a medal. i hope you are appreciated, id give my back teeth to find one of you living in my area!!!!!!

A little update, I couldn't take dd back. You can call me soft or pfb or whatever but it just didn't feel right. My MIL is going to stay with us for 2 days a week and look after dd.

I asked the nursery for more settling in sessions but got nowhere - they seem to find it funny that dd is upset. If they're like that when I'm there what are they like when I'm not.

We did find a lovely cm but she can only have dd for a few months and then we'd have to start again so for now we'll go with the mil option and we'll try and find a cm when we move house and settle her in properly.

I can sleep again! Thanks everyone