Presents.....

[Mercury]

I wonder, do you give Christmas presents to the children you care for and if so, do you get a "thank you" in some form? I love to chose presents for the children but I don't like to think it is expected or that a thank you isn't necessary. If the children are old enough shouldn't they be prompted by parents to say thank you for themselves and if not, why not a thank you from a parent. I frequently don't get either! Am I living in the past or is now the norm?

The pleasure of present-giving as a result for me, is not the same anymore. I have always insisted on my own children writing a proper thank you. Your thoughts???

Yes, I give presents. I sometimes get a written thankyou, but they always give a verbal thankyou from either the child or the parents and I think that's acceptable.
What does make me sad is that, even though I never miss the children's birthdays and always give them and their families presents at Christmas, the parents never buy my own children presents on their birthdays. I put the dates in my newsletter, as I do with all the children, but my kids have never received even a birthday card.
I suppose it just doesn't occur to the parents and my kids are just part of the package to them

Tanith - I think it's a little bit different though. You are an adult paid to spend lots of time with their children, you care for them and look after them. Your children probably don't know your mindees parents hardly at all, they are not paid to look after your children and do not have a relationship with them other then to say hello at drop off and pick up time.

why would they buy your children something?

Yes I buy christmas pressies for the children I mind and do expect a verbal thank you if old enough. All parents thanked me and encouraged those children old enough to say thank you too. I also thanked them on boxing day when I had a spare minute, by email, for all the pressies they gave me too.

My son has a girlfriend who has a 3 year old child, I bought a pressie for child and although I was thanked by the girlfriend, I was not thanked by the child. I really like the child but think it ill-mannered of the mother not to encourage this (I really like her to, so don't get the wrong impression).

I just happen to think that manners are really important per se.

In the past my daughter has received presents from childminders/key-workers. Regardless of her age she's been expected to give a thank you smile/similar, sign 'thank you' and once she could speak, to say it. Since she's been able to write her name I've expected her to write her name at the bottom of a thank you note/picture. Now that's she's 5 and capable of doing so I have expected her to write all her birthday thank you letters although her spelling has a lot to be desired; her letter to my brother said, "thank you for my pair ov strip tits" . He'd given her some stripey tights!?!

I think thank yous are important, expect my children to give them (although the 7 month old doesn't take an active part in this yet) and am disappointed when my other brother's children aren't encouraged to do the same.

It's not the presents, it's the lack of acknowledgement that I find disappointing. A card, even a home made card, or even a wish of "Happy Birthday" costs very little, don't you think?
My children are still children, even though they ARE the children of a lowly, not-worth-a-thought childminder.

Perhaps I shouldn't bother myself. After all, nurseries don't buy children individual presents on their birthdays. Teachers don't, either, and they're all adults paid to spend time with the children in their care.

Tanith - I got the CM/playgroup staff/teachers all presents - if I'd started buying all their kids (whom I've never met) presents it would start getting ridilious

a friend who occasionally helps with my kids got a present too and her kids whom I do know got cards from my DD1 signed from all of ours DC - bet no present

nobody is calling you OR your children lowly, not-worth-a-thought

everyone is as skint as the next person at the moment

You're confusing the issue, dizzydixies. I'm not talking about Christmas presents and I'm not talking about people who have never met my kids. In fact, they do know my kids and their children have played with mine.

I'm talking about a simple acknowledgement that it's my kids' birthdays (a day that is special for them).
I once minded a friend's child, someone who was actually godmother to one of my kids and who I knew well before I became a childminder. We were invited to her child's birthday party and introduced to her friends as "my childminder and her little boy". She never did bother to tell them our names.
That's the sort of attitude I mean.

I know exactly what you mean Tanith and I don't think that is unreasonable. As you include your childrens birth dates along with your minded children's, I understand that just an acknowledgement would be nice.

I don't actually buy birthday pressies for mindees, just give a card but do buy Christmas pressies though; at Christmas, two of my parents gave pressies (lovely box biscuits/chocolates) for both my sons and they are adults but still live with me. I thought this was such a lovely thought on their behalf and was actually quite taken aback.

@ strip tits

Tanith I would understand if you meant your own birthday,but not your own DC that's a step too far I feel.

I do get what you mean though - they see the cards up on the sill, the florist even delivered flowers from DH once in front of a parent dropping off and not even a verbal Happy Birthday from them. It can make you feel like shit, no doubt.

But as I said I wouldn't ever expect anything for my own family members, any more than they would expect me to give anything at bdays/xmas to anyone in their family aside from the children I mind.

I've been thinking about thiss Tanith - if the parents acknoledge the other children in the settings birthday ie child A's parents wish child B a happy birthday and pass on a card/gift then yes yanbu (I know it's not in that topic) however if they do not show any "favouritisn" to the other children - then yabu I don't wish the children at nursery a happy birthday because I don't know the child/when their birthday is - I do pass on greetings to friends children and dc's friends.

BTW yes I do buy for the child I look after as well as past children I have nannied for.

I like to buy presents for my mindees and have learned not to expect too many thank yous (unfortunately). We normally get 1 or 2 Christmas presents coming into the house and I prefer it if they are for my DD, rather than for me, because I think she gives up more for Childminding than I do. I don't mind if presents don't come in, because I have enough trouble with finances at Christmas, without wishing it on someone else too. However, back to the start again .... a thank you costs nothing (good manners).

I found the other way round this year. Our childminder had given notice but we gave her an expensive gift for herself, a card for her family along with homemade cakes for them all and a bonus. All very generous I thought considering she had only worked 2 days a week for us since end of Aug and had had 5 wks off in that time.

we didn't get a thank you and the hastily put together effort for the kids brought down the next day was frankly embarrassing and she'd have been better not to bother.

i buy birthday and christmas presents for my mindees and most of my parents have bought for my daughter at birthdays and christmas. the parents of the older school aged children have not always bought her a birthday present but then they werent invited to her party are they are not really in her age group but the under 5s were so got a present from them. i always prefer my daughter to get than me as she sees me giving them a presents saying from all of us plus she usually hands it to them so its nice if she gets something back.
suppose its a bonus a child getting a present from there childminder as its up to the childminder whether they buy the children or not because if they were at a nursery the wouldnt get an individaul persent.
i also wanted to add in regard something some mentioned all the parents of the child i mind to know my daughter very well and they get to know all the other children every well as its not just a case of drop your child off run out the door i feel its more personal than that so they get to know you and all your family and know you as a person. i have actually became good friends with alot of ppl i have minded for even though some children have let we are all still in touch

It varies, LIAGFB. Some of the parents do, some don't.

Oh, take no notice of me! I'm just feeling a bit undervalued, that's all. Like most childminders, I took on extra work last week with the after school children who couldn't get into school (I'm not a glorified teacher, after all ) and, instead of being thanked for it (I'm being paid for it, aren't I?? Yes, but no-one likes to feel taken for granted), I've received a late payment from one of the parents with payment deducted for the day she couldn't get here last week.
She didn't even ask.

i think it depends how close or involved your children are in your setting.i have one mindee who i only have in holidays now (had from 7months til 4.5)i buy her gifts for xmas,easter,birthday.my children recieve presents back,but they dont expect them and always say thankyou.i recieve birthday gifts off two of my mindees but not the other two they are all different but i understand how you feel.Two of my mindees dont even mention the pressies after xmas and no thankyous.i spoke to one mindee on phone i asked her if santa had been good to her she replied no i hardly got anything.She got an ipod touch and a ndsi!!!!I am sure they appreciate you really.