New baby and let down by new nanny on 1st day - help! Nanny needed in NW1...

[sleepwhenidie]

I have just given birth to DC3, 3 weeks early (IUGR so small, 4lbs and feeding lots). I also have DS,4 and DD 18m - DH works long hours and isn't able to help in mornings and evenings so I had someone lined up to come and start as our nanny from Monday. She has spent a month or so regularly babysitting, getting to know DC's etc. She had been working as a nursery assistant and seemed very excited about becoming our nanny - but she didn't turn up on Monday and when I contacted her she said she decided that she should stay at the nursery . I knew they were trying to persuade her to stay but thought she was sure of her decision to leave.

I am so depressed at the thought of starting the search for another person and so stressed about how I will cope with 3 DC's that it is ruining my first days with new DS - my mum is here for a week or so which is a big help now but DS starts school tomorrow and I have no idea how I am going to get 3 DC's ready and to school by 9am every day and fed, bathed and in bed every night on my own, especially over the next month or two when baby needs so much attention. I know people have coped with worse but the thought of it is awful.

Anyone got any words of inspiration or know a good nanny looking for work in NW1?

Congratulations on the birth of your new baby!

It sounds really stressful to be let down last minute.

Your 4 year old is going to school and your 18 month old to nursery?
If the problem is mainly the morning and evening routine, could you consider getting an au pair?

Or a mothers help until you manage to source an au pair?

Thanks QS - the girl who was going to start was going to be more of a mothers help, in that she wouldn't have had much sole charge, her hours were to be 35 hrs a week, split between helping me in the mornings and evenings on weekdays, plus one full weekday and one evening babysitting. This would have given her equivalent pay to what she was getting at the nursery but she would have had chunks of free time in the day which she planned to use for the gym/studying for more qualifications.

We don't have room to have a live-in au pair, do you think I would have an easier time finding a live-out au pair or MH though? How??

oh - and 18m old doesn't go to nursery yet.

Find a local CM to drop DC off at school and pick up. Some do collection from home so you won't even need to leave the house, will give you a much more relaxed morning.

You will not be able to find a live out au pair, as au pairs are young people (foreign, such as german, spanish, polish, french) on a language and cultural exchange. They work for bed, board and pocket money! They usually take English language classes in the day time.

You could however try to place an ad on gumtree and detail the hours and the salary and see if maybe a student or somebody who has a different day job wants to earn some extra. But they might not be able to show at your place at 7 am, go to work/uni, and come back after school!

atworknotworking has a good idea. It is always useful to have a good childminder "at the ready".

I'm with atworknotworking. I would get a local childminder sourced as soon as possible as a temp solution to cover the hunt for new MH. You won't have to mess with tax/emplyment issues. And if you find someone locally who is a childminder for a living she is unlikely to flake out at the last minute.

Alternatively, you could call your MH and offer her more £, which is probably what the nursery did. Most people who leave a job for another one do so for more £, not for the same £.

sleepwhenidie - how awful! I suspect you and know each other very well. I have one dd and live in the scarecrow village. I didn't want to know who you are, without telling you, iyswim.

If you are who I think you are, is there anything we can do to help?

If you're not who I think you are, please ignore me!

I think you need to have two plans....

1. Immediate help - either childminder, or someone through an agency, as the agency will already have done the initial vetting procedure, and deal with the tax/NI stuff.

1. When ds is more settled and feeding a little less, think about looking for someone more permanent. Don't put yourself under pressure immediately to this.

Could MIL come up for a week when your mum goes, just to tide you over?

Other things - ds1 and dd don't need to have a bath every night. Baked beans on toast is a great meal. I'm sure there are other places in London who would deliver you fresh meals whenever you need to save you having to cook.

Try gumtree - plenty of ex au-pairs on there who would like to be a nanny and plenty based in London. In the interim, maybe try getting a postnatal doula to help for a few hours a day while you sort out breastfeeding etc - £10 an hour - they'll do housework, help establish breastfeeding, help with kids etc. www.doula.org should list plenty in London.

I wouldn't call the MH and offer her more money! In fact, it would be the last thing I would do after she let the OP down at the very last minute.

Yes, you are right nbee. I didn't think that post through before I started typing, obviously.

Letting you down on The first day should mean she's not as trustworthy as you thought.
Also, if you did offer her more money, and she left the current job in the lurch - well that's says it all really.
Childminders are usually very flexible and I would love to help out, however, Travelling would be a sod!!

Ger the up to date list of childminders and give the local ones a ring. They often have a good network so would probably be able to put you in touch with one who does have space and willing to be flexible.

Good luck.

Sally x

If it makes you feel any better, I feel you have had a lucky escape. Not telling you she wouldn't be starting before the day, not actually resigning from her job, not actually contacting you on the day even to tell you she wasn't coming. How can someone be so uncaring (there is probably a far better word to use) that they didn't bother to call you.

Good luck with finding someone else.

I think the word, Nick, is "selfish".

Another thought - quite radical though. Could you speak to ds1s school and delay his start by a couple of weeks? That way, you could either go and stay with your mum, or come up and be near MIL, SIL and me so we can all support you. (this is still assuming you are the person I think you are! If not, this will not make any sense at all!)

sorry your so called nanny didnt turn up

have a look on your local netmums to see if any nannys can help you

Thanks very much everyone - some really helpful ideas. I am trying to think of it as a lucky escape, she seemed ideal though, makes me question my judgement of people and makes the prospect of interviewing etc again even more daunting .

Poor you. I am a local(ish) nanny, I could help you out some evenings if you're stuck.

I have over 5 years experience - and don't mind just generally mucking in.

Today's stress is tomorrow's routine. The first time I had an anny that didn't work out, I called my boss and said I was taking next three days off which I used to sort a temp childminder for about two weeks while I looked for another nanny. It was like my whole worlld had been turned upside down. Now, I know the system like the back of my hand and just get on with it. It's more of a mild nuissance. Definitely not a world updside down crisis.

We are here to help. Let us know how it goes.

wow, thanks lilylu - do you have an email address I could use if I need you?

Sure, you can reach me on [email protected]

By no means looking for a set number of hours or anything, so feel free to email me if you'd like to chat!

would you use a post natal doula?

Doula UK has a list of people .... just tap in your post code and see who is local to you